Tell me what to think about this

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I have got to side with opinion that this guy is a sicko and you should run-not walk away. Why do you think that there is a registry-because there is a STRONG tendency to reoffend. It is generally thought of as being an uncontrollable urge, and there is a registry to attempt to provide society some kind of protection from pedophiles and the like. A 30 year old preying on a 12 year old is disgusting and wrong any way you look at it. Being offered money for sex is disgusting and wrong any way you look at it. A person needs to very cautious who they let into their life-especially date.

I re-read and thought this was pretty sweet. I think if he hadn't tried paying you for sex you really should give him a chance. Its too bad he did the whole pay for sex thing, which I totally missed.



Well, when people have this kind of of attitude then they probably will re-offend because there's nothing else for them. I'm not trying to look past the fact that the guy tried paying her for sex, just speaking in general. I'm kind of biased though because I've known and talked to people before about similar issues they've had. You shouldn't let a lion into your den, so to speak, but not everything is black and white. People are people and do things that aren't right, become conflicted, learn etc.

Last edited by NeueZiel on 30 Apr 2012, 1:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Child predators are much less likely to reoffend than those convicted of other felonies. This study (http://www.csom.org/pubs/recidsexof.html)cites a 5 year recidivism rate of 19% for child molesters, while other non-sexually oriented felonies (http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/index.cfm?ty=pbdetail&iid=2392) reoffend at a rate of 67% after only 3 years.

Personally I think some people in this thread are missing the real problem a couple of us tried to make. Attempted to pay for sex or not, the guy's a sex offender and is on parole for some sex thing involving minors. Even if he doesn't do anything again and is a "nice guy", there is no future with a person like him. A person that is willing to continue to date such a person either must be amoral or have no self esteem whatsoever. To the OP, I'm sure you are a great person and it's not your fault you've been duped in by this guy. But give yourself some credit and find another guy!

Clearly he should just off himself then, that's the only way. What if he had murdered someone and was released? Would you be saying the same thing?

Last edited by NeueZiel on 30 Apr 2012, 1:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

So we cannot ever forgive someone for a past mistake? (the pay for sex part is weird though, not discounting that part of that)

Not when it involves sex and any kind of minor. I'm not even condoning what the guy did, I just think its odd that people in this day and age like to act so forgiving of everything. They don't want people to get the death penalty, complain about prisons and what happens to people who break the law yet if its a sex offender people just shut down completely and act like its the most unforgivable crime ever.

On the other hand, if the guy had shot someone while robbing a bank or "accidentally" ended a person's life while he was driving drunk more people would be supportive.

Last edited by NeueZiel on 30 Apr 2012, 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am of the impression taking an adult's life, and taking a child's innocence is like comparing apples to oranges. Both go in the same bowl but are different fruit. If you two are really hellbent on protecting the rights of someone who wants to fiddle with kids don't let me stop you. I think it's better I just agree to disagree and leave this topic to let you tell the world how nice these people are and that the OP is making a good decision (somehow).

Cheerio.

Well, at least you think murder is bad too. I can respect you for being consistent, unlike most people. I'll drop it here, I think the op is probably making a good decision too.

rights of someone who wants to fiddle with kids- you said that like that person still wants to instead of past tense. So they are forever tainted for something they did. Even though they probably wish they had never done it.

@NeueZel I am not sure what you mean by that. What you think? what society thinks? what januaryman was saying?

I wonder about something. Attraction to children is an impulse, while having sex with or raping a child is a behavior. A behavior requests more than just an impulse and is more complex than that. It also involves the concept of free will. So can a paedophile choose to not rape an underage girl, even if he feels strongly attracted to her? Can he decide, of his own free will, to go seek psychological help, instead of abusing an unconsenting person (who also happens to be underage)? Because, if this is the case, we shouldn't try to make excuses for him... My view of the law is that it recognizes his decision-making capacities. Otherwise, he would be deemed legally insane and sent to treatment, just like schizophrenic offenders. This is clearly not the case, as is not the case with psychopathic serial killers (they also feel strong urges and have strong aggressive fantasies, but they clearly know what they do is wrong and they could have chosen not to enact those fantasies).

The guy is a convicted pedophile, and now he's putting the moves on you, starting with trying to pay you for sex. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks of you as a whore? It's good that you found out about him in time. From now on do check out anyone who asks you for a date, if you are thinking of accepting. Also, look up the instructions on your phone for blocking phone numbers, and block his. If you gave him your email address, block his email address, too. If he shows up at your door, don't open it. The only contact you might consider is to ONE time call or email him to tell him that you are not going to date a pedophile. Then, no more contact from you. If he continues to try to contact you, let the authorities know, as harassing someone who refuses to date him is probably a parole violation. Save your compassion for nice people, and for people who are trying to reform. His attempt to hire you for sex, and his constant calls to you indicate that he is not interested in reform, so this is definitely not a nice person, and he is not worthy of your compassion.

Remember, if he keeps hassling you, contact the authorities. Something else to remember,--you deserve better than this guy.

So I get that there is a conflict. No one agrees on one thing.

Did I dump him because I think what he did was gross, or he tried to pay me for sex, or maybe I just don't really care to date and am doing it because I think that is a normal thing to do?


I agree that he actually paid the price and did the time. I think my objection is more sophisticated than that, I don't want to be lumped in with him, and most of the people he knows have felony records. When I talked to my friend in the original post, I knew that I would lose what little friends I had if I were to take him seriously and become a "girlfriend" I was thinking of myself, not him, and what my life might be like if I moved in with him or got married. I can just imagine no one talking to me because I lived with a sex offender.

Paying for sex is a gross thing, but in many ways when someone spends big on a night out, they are also paying for sex (hopefully in the future). Anyway that is debatable.

So that is it for love and dating. I may try again in 20 years. I end up with rats, leeches, and snakes-- so you are right, maybe I should just grow up and stop wanting love.

Have you ever tried to have a friend set you up?

I was no way implying that you should give up on love. I have been with the same person for about 15 years and we have 5 kids. They are truly the only thing that makes my life worth living.

When I was younger-I was a mess. I was very promiscuous, because I didn't know how else to connect to somebody, and constantly looked for love in all the wrong places. I ran with a very bad crowd- criminals, drug dealers-and I let a lot of people into my life that I should not of. This was in my early 20's. I look back and absolutely cringe at some of the people who I let into my life and said, "they're not bad people, they've just made bad choices". There is such a thing as being too open-minded to a fault, and it can lead a person down a bad road when there is only grey in your life-no black and white.

If your wondering how I met my husband-he hired me. He was the chef at a hotel and I applied for a job as a cook, and the rest as they say is history. It was not the case then, but today we are clean, sober, and live a pretty religious life.

I wish you all the best.

From your posts it sounds like there's more than enough reason to end all contact with him, but in the end only you can decide that. It does grind my gears a bit that you would just ignore his calls rather than telling him you don't want to talk to him anymore. I would struggle to respect a person who just starts ignoring someone all of a sudden (unless the reason for it so obvious that nobody would need to be told or the calls were unsolicited in the first place). The other thing is, I'm not sure why you're generalising this to all men. If I was to apply the same logic I could say "all women just start ignoring men's phone calls when they're not interested - I give up on women".

I totally agree with JanuaryMan - avoid like the plague. It is well-documented that sexual predators/pedophiles cannot be reformed, and almost always repeat their offenses, if given the chance. I absolutely agree that he saw you as a vulnerable person, a target, and sought to take advantage of you. Victimizing another child would get his parole revoked, but not an adult. Run, be rude if you must, and steer clear.

My advice: don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. Don't give up on men. Give up on men with ankle bracelets.