I'm a newbie - and I think I'm in the right place!!

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It sure as hell would be enough for basicly everyone here. ^^


Any time and always.

Edit: Ohh, and you can multi-quote so you don't have to post several times, just copy the text (Ctrl + C, or right click) and paste it (Ctrl + V or right click again) inside of a pair of , you have a short to them just left of the little earth above the typing field.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you! I'm very glad to have found this wonderful place!!

Argh... the drinking!! ! I had the day off yesterday, so we went to the movies. He'd been on a serious bender the night before (and the night before, and the night before, etc.) and had a TERRIBLE case of the shakes!! We talked about it a bit [he brought it up, actually], but he tried to blow it off as "sitting too long" during the movie. The thing is, he was visibly shaking while standing and having a snack before the movie, too! I know he's still dealing with the loss of his job, but I need to find a way to reach him on this before it's too late. Since he's no longer working, he's hitting the liquor store every couple of days to keep "stocked up." I'm usually at work when that happens, so I can't stop him or run any kind of interference. I don't know what to do. I don't want to push him even further away, but I have to do something. His health isn't the best as it is, and with the almost 24/7 isolation now, coupled with the even heavier drinking, I'm seriously worried. Any thoughts on what I can do to help my Aspie man through this??

Is there anything he likes to do that is not inside?

Not at all. He's always been an isolationist, even from an early age, and the loss of his job has merely served to increase this. He only leaves his apartment when he needs to run an errand (groceries, liquor store, appointments). Getting him to go to the movies was enough of a challenge, but it was a movie he really wanted to see and I had passes/gift cards that got us in and provided us with snacks/drinks all for free, so he was definitely motivated. By the time we were headed home, though, he was fidgety, looking at his watch, drumming his fingers and couldn't wait to get back home, to his "comfort zone." I really don't know how to approach him on this without making him angry, further amplifying the guilt he's already feeling about his job, and/or pushing him away.

Well I guess it's a dead give away that the best thing should be a new job, but I suspect it's not very easy to find a way to propose this.
As far as your actions towards him goes, just be around him without making any real fuzz about his situation, he might be questioning his worth and a good way of showing that you don't think that he has changed because of his job, is to act normaly. He will come around when he's ready, or when forced, but I don't really know anything about him, so I will not give advice on that.

Sorry for not being able to be more helpful, I'm in kind of a low end myself at the moment.

I appreciate the insight, and am sorry to hear you're having a rough go of it yourself. We're really struggling at the moment - since he's out of work, his porn addiction has just about become the center of his existence. I'm talking hours and hours, day and night. I've definitely gained some benefit from the resources poeticwrongplanet posted above, but trying to convince him to make a change is almost impossible. I'm already dealing with the loss of my mother (she passed away last Wednesday); the prospect of losing him, too, is sending me into my own tailspin. This, in turn, frustrates him because he sees me as being over-emotional and needy. Well, duh... it should serve to figure that I might actually NEED my sweetheart during this time, but he's in full Aspie mode and doesn't want to be needed. He wants to take solace in his booze, his porn and his solitude. I made the commitment not to give up on him/us, but I'm really beginning to wonder if we're just flat-out doomed and I'm doing myself more harm than good at this point.

You are carrying multiple impossible burdens, holding the whole world together. I was there once too, and collapsed under the weight. Prioritize. You can't take care of anyone, if you don't take care of yourself first. A mother's passing is a singular event, so give yourself space to grieve. Forget the porn. The alcohol is a much more serious issue - THE issue, a medical issue - if he's having DTs. I can't advise you on how to handle it, but definitely find people who can help, and ask. You can't do all this on your own, and that's ok. No one is super-woman. Take care of yourself & good luck.

Indeed, it does feel like the weight of the bulk of the world has fallen upon me. FWIW, it turns out the shaking was not DTs - it's something he's had for a long time now (and for whatever reason, I've never noticed it in the nearly six years I've known him). The drinking is still very much an issue, though, as is the porn - both seem to be pulling him further and further away from me. I've experienced quite a bit of pain in my life, but honestly, this set of events has just about done me in. I barely eat or sleep, and I'm guessing my focusing on him is made even more intense by my not wanting to process the death of my mother. He lost his own mother over a decade ago, and I know my mom's death is causing him to relive some of what he went through then. We're just a big bundle of mess right now, I suppose, and it's anyone's guess how we go about unraveling and finding each other once again.