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How on Earth do you approach & talk to women?

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DogsWithoutHorses
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07 May 2012, 1:38 pm

Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
How would you start a conversation with a man? That could be a starting point for thinking about your approach.


So "Did you watch the formula 1 race yesterday?" or "What supplements do you recommend for optimal muscle growth?" are adequate ways to get a girl's attention?


If they mention those interest on their profile, sure.
Not all men are into those things either.
If he has no interests in common with her he shouldn't be concerned about approaching her at all.


Most men have few interests in common with their significant others, apart from a few key interests. Very few women are interested in soccer, cars, muscle building or video games, but most men are interested in one of these examples.

As far as online dating goes, whenever a girl hits on me, she hasn't even read my profile text.


False,
Irrelevant.


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Kurgan
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07 May 2012, 1:38 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
If he has no interests in common with her he shouldn't be concerned about approaching her at all.


Exactly. Wondering up to random strangers is of course intimidating, for the same reason it's freaking weird:
you know absolutely nothing about the person on which to start a conversation.


Since people got their eyes open about PUA being a recipe for snake oil some two years ago, most men are well aware of this. :)



ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 1:41 pm

Kurgan wrote:

Most men have few interests in common with their significant others, apart from a few key interests. Very few women are interested in soccer, cars, muscle building or video games, but most men are interested in one of these examples.

As far as online dating goes, whenever a girl hits on me, she hasn't even read my profile text.


So appeal to the key "interests"?
How is this different from talking to a guy?

Very few (read: none) of the men I've known have been interested in the things you named-
my point (dunno about DWH) was to appeal to that INDIVIDUAL'S interests, not that individual's interests as presumed by sex-based stereotyping.

I honestly had no idea men would just start babbling to another man about racing or muscle supplements- that seems similarly ridiculous.


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Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 07 May 2012, 1:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MXH
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07 May 2012, 1:43 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
MXH wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
How would you start a conversation with a man? That could be a starting point for thinking about your approach.


So "Did you watch the formula 1 race yesterday?" or "What supplements do you recommend for optimal muscle growth?" are adequate ways to get a girl's attention?


Case in point. Most ways guys start convos are things most women will not care for. And are also things that would not make you come across as someone interested and rather some anoying passerby.


Really, cause most guys in my life are into comic books and horror movies. Most girls in my life are into those things too.
If you were interested in making a new male friend would you open with a barrage of your ow interests or maybe make a comment on something you know you have in common or the potential friend is interested in.

Read the profile, talk about the common interest that prompted you to message her.
If you're only interested in her picture, and can't find anything on her profile you can talk about, just don't.


Im not talking dating sites as those are easy to find something to talk about. (which doesnt mean they will reply)

Im talking irl, what are you to say to a woman that youd say to a man?



Quote:
False,
Irrelevant.


Umm, not really. Thats been his experience, you cant claim that its impossible for women to not have the same likes as men or disregard his profile and focus on a picture. Its technically a generalization saying that.



Kurgan
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07 May 2012, 1:44 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
How would you start a conversation with a man? That could be a starting point for thinking about your approach.


So "Did you watch the formula 1 race yesterday?" or "What supplements do you recommend for optimal muscle growth?" are adequate ways to get a girl's attention?


If they mention those interest on their profile, sure.
Not all men are into those things either.
If he has no interests in common with her he shouldn't be concerned about approaching her at all.


Most men have few interests in common with their significant others, apart from a few key interests. Very few women are interested in soccer, cars, muscle building or video games, but most men are interested in one of these examples.

As far as online dating goes, whenever a girl hits on me, she hasn't even read my profile text.


False,
Irrelevant.


Take a look at all the girls who are interested in Twillight and Zumba fitness or all the men who are interested in NFL and restoring old sports cars. Do you seriously think that most interests need to clash to make a successful relationship? Spouses should have some differences and should IMHO appreciate the difference between the genders.



Chummy
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07 May 2012, 1:45 pm

Zinia wrote:
I think one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with anyone is to ask them a question. If you also compliment them, then that's usually a good thing too as it's nice.


Pretty much yeah, alot of times the way I start a conversation with strangers (that I want to get to know) is asking them questions they already know the answer. So that way, they can't answer "Don't know" - an answer that will kill the conversation. People like other people listening to what they have to say, and yes they also like compliments. But certain people just overdo it... like complimenting every 5 minutes.... or letting the other person do all the talk- and that' bad because having an obsessed or dependant partner makes an unstable/unsuccessful relationship.



DogsWithoutHorses
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07 May 2012, 1:46 pm

MXH wrote:

Umm, not really. Thats been his experience, you cant claim that its impossible for women to not have the same likes as men or disregard his profile and focus on a picture. Its technically a generalization saying that.


Yeah but he didn't say in his experience, he said "most" like it was a fact, which it's not.
I didn't say the thing about his profile is false, I said it's irrelevant.


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Delphiki
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07 May 2012, 1:46 pm

Weight lifting and Zumba are both fitness, so they are not completely different.
Do you like to be active?
Yes I like to do zumba.
Oh cool, I like to do weight lifting


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Well you can go with that if you want.


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07 May 2012, 1:46 pm

When aporoaching girls I do not perosanlly know will not keep me from talking to them the worst thing that could. Happen is rejection and I am good at dealing with rejection because I view it as a learning experience it never affects my self estem or my ego.



MXH
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07 May 2012, 1:48 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
How would you start a conversation with a man? That could be a starting point for thinking about your approach.


So "Did you watch the formula 1 race yesterday?" or "What supplements do you recommend for optimal muscle growth?" are adequate ways to get a girl's attention?


Case in point. Most ways guys start convos are things most women will not care for. And are also things that would not make you come across as someone interested and rather some anoying passerby.


Could you be any more ambiguous?
How do "most guys" start conversations?
How do "most women" prefer a conversation to be started?

~leans chin on hands~


As he said, would you respond to someone asking or refering you about cars/sports/mens fashion/etc in a positive manner? You know it well enough you wouldnt, just like you likely dont start convos with men the same way you do with women. Its simple as that.


Also, your passive agressive sarcasm responses make you sound stupid. please for the sake of discussion act like someone your age



Last edited by MXH on 07 May 2012, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 1:48 pm

MXH wrote:

Im talking irl, what are you to say to a woman that youd say to a man?




"Hey, I noticed you're reading Nietszche. What do you think about his ideas about...?"
"Cool shirt. Did you catch them playing at the Rhine Auditorium last year?"
"Cute dog! Yeah, I have two myself...."

and...infinitum...

You really have two sets of pre-conceived things to say based on someone's sex?


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"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


ValentineWiggin
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07 May 2012, 1:51 pm

MXH wrote:

As he said, would you respond to someone asking or refering you about cars/sports/mens fashion/etc in a positive manner?


No and neither would any of the men I know.

Why?

Because babbling about such things on the basis of rigid and formulaic sex stereotypes is quite silly, and you'll look silly doing it.


I'd imagine you have a set of things you've ALSO made up which women are interested in, like, let me guess, shopping and cuddly wuddly animals or some such, right? Yeah. THAT wouldn't getcha a positive response either if you started talking about it to me, just because I'm a woman.
MXH wrote:

You know it well enough you wouldnt, just like you likely dont start convos with men the same way you do with women. Its simple as that.

Yeah, I don't speak to men any differently than I speak to women, regardless of what you'd like to dictate to me that I "know".
Hence my continued confusion....


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."


Last edited by ValentineWiggin on 07 May 2012, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

DogsWithoutHorses
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07 May 2012, 1:51 pm

Chummy wrote:
Zinia wrote:
I think one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with anyone is to ask them a question. If you also compliment them, then that's usually a good thing too as it's nice.


Pretty much yeah, alot of times the way I start a conversation with strangers (that I want to get to know) is asking them questions they already know the answer. So that way, they can't answer "Don't know" - an answer that will kill the conversation. People like other people listening to what they have to say, and yes they also like compliments. But certain people just overdo it... like complimenting every 5 minutes.... or letting the other person do all the talk- and that' bad because having an obsessed or dependant partner makes an unstable/unsuccessful relationship.


Open ended questions are a good suggestion.


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MXH
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07 May 2012, 1:52 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

Im talking irl, what are you to say to a woman that youd say to a man?




"Hey, I noticed you're reading Nietszche. What do you think about his ideas about...?"
"Cool shirt. Did you catch them playing at the Rhine Auditorium last year?"
"Cute dog! Yeah, I have two myself...."

and...infinitum...

You really have two sets of pre-conceived things to say based on someone's sex?


Funny, cause thats how I approach women. OP asked what he should do to talk to women, instead of saying talk to them like if theyre a guy why dont you suggest to just talk based on the situation?



MXH
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07 May 2012, 1:54 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
MXH wrote:

As he said, would you respond to someone asking or refering you about cars/sports/mens fashion/etc in a positive manner?


No but neither would any of the men I know.

Why?

Because babbling about such things on the basis of rigid and formulaic sex stereotypes is quite silly, and you'll look silly doing it.


MXH wrote:

You know it well enough you wouldnt, just like you likely dont start convos with men the same way you do with women. Its simple as that.

Yeah, I don't speak to men any differently than I speak to women, regardless of what you'd like to dictate to me that I "know".
Hence my continued confusion....


Theres a difference between speaking different and initiating a conversation different. you're likely to initiate different to someone you have an interest to compared to someone you wouldnt care to see again.



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07 May 2012, 1:54 pm

MXH wrote:

Funny, cause thats how I approach women. OP asked what he should do to talk to women, instead of saying talk to them like if theyre a guy why dont you suggest to just talk based on the situation?


Probably because the two things you just said are identical. :lol:


_________________
"Such is the Frailty
of the human Heart, that very few Men, who have no Property, have any Judgment of their own.
They talk and vote as they are directed by Some Man of Property, who has attached their Minds
to his Interest."