Dumped after 4 (great) dates, why?

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PastFixations
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12 May 2012, 3:51 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Stop disclosing this AS thing, keep it all to yourselves, they really don't need to know about your 'secret' "Syndrome" (personally I no longer much believe in AS' scientific validity - but that's another long story)

I did with an ex and it still carried on.
The only problem was I didn't know what relationship I was getting into as I was "blind to it out of love".

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PastFixations
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12 May 2012, 3:54 pm

Plus if anyone dumps someone because they have AS then they are very shallow individuals.

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redrobin62
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12 May 2012, 4:04 pm

Is it possible to ask someone to be your friend? That seems kinda odd. Doesn't friendship just occur naturally? I could never ask someone to be my friend. To me I'd seem kind of needy and desperate.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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12 May 2012, 4:13 pm

Personally I don't think it was the AS. It just wasn't the time for disclosures of any kind. Too soon. She even said so herself. 'Not sure this is the way it's supposed to go.'

IlovemyAspie
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12 May 2012, 4:55 pm

Honestly I think it was the AS thing. I think you should have
Kept that to yourself until you were sure you guys were really hitting it off. People hear Asperger's and Autism and freak out. My guy didn't tell me about it until about 9 months into everything. It didn't matter to me and it wouldn't have mattered to me 9 days into it but that's not typical. I think like another poster said she went along with that last date just so it didn't look like AS was an issue. I don't care for the movie Adam too much because of the ending. I saw some of my guy in Adam and that made me smile, but that's about it. Nt's should not use this movie for help with understanding AS. That's just my opinion.

DW_a_mom
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12 May 2012, 7:34 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

I don't think the AS thing caused it, but I wouldn't tell that except on a need to know basis. I think that she likes the OP but just doesn't feel the attraction. She obviously likes him well enuogh to give it a chance and see if she can become attracted (which does happen) but it didn't.

I'd definately tell her that you want to be friends and stay friends with her. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't.

I agree.

I really, really, do not think it is the AS thing.

And the reason I say that is the words she choose. It really sounds like she just wasn't feeling it romantically.

I think staying friends would be great. After all, friends introduce you to other friends or relatives ... I met my husband because he was friends with my sister. If she is up for that, of course.

Honestly, I think us old married ladies are more likely to call this right than the frustrated single guys. But none of us know this women, so who knows for sure.

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JanuaryMan
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12 May 2012, 8:01 pm

At second glance it does sound right. After he went into detail about the romantic side of the dating, and read her words..it's to do with "the spark" :lol:

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12 May 2012, 9:24 pm

JosefK, i think she was expecting to get hit on sexually when she invited you over to her house. the fact that she explicitly told you that she will be alone made me think of that. hard to be certain though.

i think being friends is an awesome idea!

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IlovemyAspie
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12 May 2012, 9:56 pm

After two dates of making out and she feels no spark? But enough to make out and hang out for 5 hours? Okay since we are focusing on her words, what exactly does "Not sure this is the way things are supposed to go" mean? I'm older and was in a married relationship for 17 years and I still think there is something other than the "spark" theory going on. How old is this girl/woman? What she said was awkward sounding.

Nothing wrong with being friends though.

scubasteve
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12 May 2012, 11:40 pm

I'm with DW on this one. Doesn't sound like AS was the issue at all. (And I think the 3rd date is a reasonable time to reveal it, personally. You can't keep it a secret forever.)

As to what actually happened... Who knows. Could be she liked you but didn't feel attraction (as OliveOilMom suggested.) Could be she was expecting sex when she invited you over (as Hyperlexian suggested.) Could be she met someone else... There is just no telling with these things. I know it's hard, but IMO it's probably best to just try to forget about her and move on.

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12 May 2012, 11:43 pm

scubasteve wrote:

why did you change your avvy? WHYYYYYY?

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scubasteve
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12 May 2012, 11:47 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

scubasteve wrote:

why did you change your avvy? WHYYYYYY?

LOL Don't worry... Eye candy is in the members section pics thread. :wink:

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13 May 2012, 2:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

To all guys here,

Guys, guys, guys......! !!

Stop disclosing this AS thing, keep it all to yourselves, they really don't need to know about your 'secret' "Syndrome" (personally I no longer much believe in AS' scientific validity - but that's another long story) unless if you failed and you want to justify your behavior (even tho that would sound pathetic)

FOUR dates, this only means that things were going well, the OP was doing well, he didn't need to justify anything, but HE ruined with this AS disclosing thing.

You better to tell them you're introvert or not so socially gifted rather than telling something so scary, weird and psycho--sounded thing like ASPERGER SYNDROME.

I mean, fcuk, just look how it sounds....like "AZUBURGER SYNDROME".... spooky.

Stop.disclosing.it.to.girls.

I wouldnt say to hide it from them but Id encourage them to try to wait for a while before disclosing it because some people have their own weird stereotypes about as.

IE: I met a girl about two months ago. Things went great(grabbed coffee for an hour) and she invited me to meet some of her friends later that day.
Upon arriving at this event she asked what I had been up to and I just said that I went to therapy and I didnt do anything else so I wasnt that tired(on my defense I was meeting over 20 of her friends and it was the first time I had seen her so I was freaking out a little). We still hang out/talk... but the whole therapy thing was a barrier I unknowingly put between us(then she put another one knowingly but that was way after that)

BlueMax
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13 May 2012, 7:12 pm

Until you really know someone, I'd just describe the whole AS thing as, "I can be a bit socially awkward sometimes..."

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13 May 2012, 8:16 pm

Quote:

The second date was even greater, and we made out. She immediately texted me after the second date, asking me to come over to her house that week, because she was home alone. So I went over to her place and we had another great date.

Did you have sex? If not, this could have been why she didn't want to see you again. Women are very sexual creatures, as are men, but even more-so. The AS thing doesn't mean s**t. You don't dislike someone based on a diagnosis, and she already had an opinion of you formed. Intimacy, both emotional and physical is crucially important to all relationships. If not for this reason, then I'm sure she had her own reasons. Keep in mind that a reason that makes sense to her is not necessarily a reason that makes sense to you.

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Dantac
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13 May 2012, 11:17 pm

another possibility is it took her four dates to assess your income/resources and moved on to fatter pickings.

It happens.

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