Dating an aspie - when to kiss him?

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I agree with the vast majority of posts - it seems like he turned away because he didn't expect it, not because he didn't want one.
When you feel the need to kiss him, make sure he's prepared to receive it!! The surefire way is to ask him about it directly, but the advice from aarpar is also helpful! Good luck!!

Just make it obvious - no subtle hinting... if he's at all like me, he won't get the hint. My mind would be racing with millions of thoughts, including those along the lines of the thousands of ways to proceed in dangerous waters - how to gain affection and kissing without messing up and being rejected, offending the lady or getting in serious trouble should she react with extreme negativity.

If he likes you (and you probably know!) he'd probably be very receptive to kissies. Make it plain that he shouldn't fear doing so and enjoy.

Thanks everyone, I'm overwhelemed by the good advice! It's really helped give me an insight into this man's behaviour. I think those of you who say it was the element of surprise that threw him off are correct. He really isn't very good at taking hints in general, and perhaps I'm not used to direct communication. The 'holding in the arms' technique sounds very effective! We're meeting again this weekend so maybe I'll get a chance to try it out! But I won't be pushing him into anything he's not ready for-I'm happy to ask him directly.

Do let us know how it goes. Good luck!

Why on earth do you want problems by dating on aspie? I mean he is usually just awful in life management skills, sex etc. You will be just unhappy not the short term, but the long term. Also there is a lot higher risk for divorce. What's your motive?

Thanks for the bucket of cold sick you just poured on us. Very motivational. Perhaps we should live as hermits?

I just said the truth. Why on earth anyone would want someone with asperger's as a partner in the long run? Life isn't fair, deal with it. That girl is most likely to be just unhappy with him in the long run, and I want to help her.

Yeah, I think I'd wait for a private moment (in public isn't a good idea), for instance when you're saying goodnight at your door or in a car. Just ask, "Would you like to kiss me goodnight (or goodbye)?" Let him decide, and again make sure it's a private moment.

Hey, whoa there - that's not always the case! In fact, some could argue an Aspie man has distinct advantages! Namely, less/no game-playing, straight-shooting and honest conversation, etc.

We're still human and our personalities are not much different from any normie... we range from honest-Johns to complete jerkwads.

Because we're just people, like any other. It's a bit like saying "why would anyone want a fat person as a partner, or a person with grey eyes". Perhaps they like their personality or their looks? People with Asperger's can be tremendously different from one another.

Perhaps people don't want you as a partner rather than just because of your AS, thought about that?

Most likely there are LOTS of more disadvantages than advantages, even though I understand you want to protect your ego. Who cares about no game-playing (which is not always good!) when you just suck at sex, life management skills and social skills? Remember that asperger's is mostly weakness, not strength, otherwise it wouldn't be diagnosed.

Who said that, because we have Asperger's, that we must suck at sex? Where did you get that from?!

Some Aspies can game-play every bit - and sometimes better! - as well as "NTs", ya know.

I understand your opinion, BUT if we think rationally, there is no sense being with asperger's if 99 of 100 people don't have it. Every person in relationships has "value", and asperger's is a great disadvantage, because it's so rare.

And I don't even want a partner, why would I?

Last edited by gaffa91 on 18 May 2012, 11:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sensory issues.

Perhaps they're desirable because they're different, or they're attractive, or they're attentive, or they like the same sort of music/movies/clothes, or a million other reasons. We're not a sheet of paper with a diagnosis on it, showing how we are condemned to a life of utter misery - we're people with strengths and weaknesses, just like any other person.

I've found that many more NTs are attracted to me than those with Asperger's, put it that way, friend.



Ever heard of Asperger's being a vastly differing spectrum? Many people with Asperger's don't have those sensory issues. I don't for a start.

Honestly, I think you should do some more research and, er, listen to folk before spouting off.