MagicMike's situation.

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hmmm. i was under the impression that you were more interested in this girl, then you now claim to be. maybe you should just 'be friends' with her and see how that goes. if your other friend gave you insight that you could 'get her' if you were really interested or w/e, but that you would probably not be happy with the results, then maybe it is best for you to just avoid this entire situation. esp considering that she is already involved, and that, who knows, if she's 'friends' with you and has some type of non-declared emotional investment in you, then perhaps she has the same type of investments made in other 'friends'. personally, i would avoid this altogether. i don't know how old you are. which is of optimum relavance actually. when i was younger (in my teens) pretty much all of my friends had crushes on one another at some point in time. in general, i think its pretty easy to develope an infatuation with someone you are friends with. even if it is just platonic. but as it ends (with most of them, myself included) whatever didn't 'rock the boat' just faded into the land of lost relationships. adolescece is prime time for lots of 'love interests' and 'infatuations'. but if you feel that this obsession is passing the time or worthwhile for you for other reasons, then i say pursue all possibilities.

i don't really know enough about the 'inside' of your 'friendship'
so as much as i try to give advice, i can't really peer into what you know or expect from this person.

I'm less than a month away from turning 20, though at times I wonder if I have the emotional maturity of a stereotypical 16-year-old. I stumbled through the "high-school crush" phase of development, and am reserved about my feelings for people as a result (she asked why I told her now instead of much earlier). Of course, that could also be me not having any common sense when it comes to social interaction, which then makes me wonder how I could've handled things differently. I've tried to roleplay a scenario where I confess my feelings all the way back in March, but it isn't working because I am not really able to analyze all probable outcomes.

What exactly do you mean by the 'inside' of a 'friendship?'

what i mean by that is that, i don't know how deep your friendship is with her. like, how well established it is. how close do you consider yourself to her?

there are so many layers and levels to relationships.
at times you may feel close or connected to people very intimately, where other times you may not.

i apologize, i cannot be more useful in terms of my advice. i'm very tired, and i have to be attending other engagements soon.

i think you did the right thing by talking to her. telling her. at least she has the seed planted.
if she wants to water it, then lucky you.

but, you're young. i wouldn't get too restless over this.

My joke wasnt much a rule.. it was more just a generalization

Oi...too many double entendres for my weakened mind to handle. Seed planted? Aggh.

What one guy on these forums suggested was speaking with her boyfriend; e.g. checking for no hard feelings. How many people here have an opinion as to whether or whether not this is a good idea?

[Edit] I am deleting these conversations to protect the privacy of the girl I like:

alright. magicmike. you need to 'chill out' with your interest in this girl. she seems to want to be friends with you for the time being. she has a bf. and it doesn't appear to be that she is interested in letting go of his status as her boyfriend any time soon. however, if you chat with her irl, or online on a regular basis, then her level of intimacy or interest in him as being her boyfriend cannot really be that great. or committed, for that matter. it doesn't really seem to be that she is going to let up on the idea of the two of you hanging out alone. personally, i think the whole idea of the three of you hanging out together is a social faux-pas. it just doesn't make any sense. especially considering that you all know where each others' status is w/ one another. Two guys battling (although silently, non-verbally/physically) over the same girl. what do you expect for this to accomplish? it just breeds tension. like

girl: "yeah, if we're going to hang out together, he has to be there"
you: "yeah, ok, that's cool"
me: "wtf is THAT? i mean, come on. three IS a crowd. i can't even begin to imagine what the evening would consist of you all doing together!"

girl: "maybe we could go see a movie"
you: "yeah, ok, that's cool"
me: "you're just going to Go ALong with THAT?"

ok. that was just an invented scenario. none of it actually occured.
but you see what i mean. it just makes you look weak. like you are willing to go along with whatever this girl wants. i suggest that you don't.

you should try asking her how her bf would react if the two of you were to hang out alone together. and inquire why it would be such a big deal. imo. i think that she probably knew that you had interest in her awhile ago. but it was just unspoken. more likely then not, this won't end up being a successful venture if the three of you hang out together.

from MY previous experiences this sort of thing never turns out well.

Compared to previous cases of liking someone, I'd actually say I'm feeling a lot more rational about this. It's just I'm really upset at myself because I screwed up due to all my traits working against me. I'm too passive, too agreeable, I'm very reserved in expressing my emotion, and I'm shy. InsaneJawa (the guy mentioned above) said if he freaked out that I should probably confront him about his possessive nature, and that she's probably not too interested if she's willing to go along with the paranoia.

Of course, theoretically everyone has a threshold of tolerance. She said that he was weird about an earlier friend of hers, and she hopes that doesn't happen again. So provoking him into freaking out could be an option if I didn't have a conscience; unfortunately, since I do the only real thing I could do is directly confront him.

So hypothetically, its:
JugglingMage: Actually, I'd feel better if Corey didn't come. It would be rather awkward. Plus, a Saturn has only two controller ports. Tobintuu: I already told you he would get upset with me.
JugglingMage: For what reason? We're friends right? He had no problem with us hanging out before I admitted to liking you, right?
Tobintuu: He's not a jerk, he's just weird about this.
JugglingMage: The point is he shouldn't be.
...

This could drag on, and I don't really know what the rest of an outcome would look like.

Bumping this.

So basically I'm supposed to stay completely away from her, make no contact with her, and forget she ever existed? So I basically walked into a f**ked-up situation yet again...

no. its not that i think that you walked into a f-ed up situation once again (i don't know about your past) but i DO think that you should let things rest for the time being. don't go out with her and her boyfriend. unless you want it to be an awkward night together. i can't imagine things going over too well with 3 people. 2 in which share the same interest in the same person. it can only make matters worse, or estranged. politely decline an invitation to get together with her and her bf. and if you really really want to hang out with her, ask her if it is possible for the two of you to get together without him. (in a public place, if he's really that worried) i'm telling you these things because i have found myself in stupid situations before, and if i had had the insight, i'm sure that i could've avoided them.

tell me what's up.

I have a bad history of f*****g up situations with girls I've liked. In retrospect, I now try to contemplate "Why the f**k did I like them," aside from them generally being intelligent (at least academically/socially/etc). I think I got in trouble with the school authorities twice over what were basically obsessive crushes.

Ever since then, I've mellowed out, at least to a different extreme. She asked why I never mentioned liking her until just now, and the real truth of the matter I guess is I feared scaring her away.

On the other hand, I guess I could wait until next semester to see if she could hang out. I'm moving into the same apartment she's in (though not because I want to be near her; I have a long list of practical reasons to stay at this apartment, such as it's actually closer to my classes and each dorm has a kitchen meaning it's posible for me to fix my own meals rather than ). This means it would be easier to see her without her boyfriend having to know. Basically, she says she doesn't want her boyfriend to hang out with her when she hangs out with me because he's weird with people that like/have liked her (such as several friends of hers) yet if he found out he'd get angry with her. So it's most likely a matter of him not trusting her/being overly protective.

On the other hand, what would happen if he flipped out even if I agreed to let him tag along. "Corey, get a grip man. I agreed to let you come along as a matter of trust, and you're abusing that trust."

alrite. well. i still think that it is best for you to cool off with this. she's being annoying about all of it. imo. i mean, she knows that guys like her, and she kind of likes that attention. it could be just that. so, just cool it. she or no one else really is worth you allowing yourself to lose face over. really, people only have power over us, if we allow them to. this, is what she has right now. over you and her bf. plus, perhaps other guys. once you realize this you could move on from it. plus if you move into this apartment complex, perhaps you'll meet someone else (unattached) that you might have an interest in. who knows. the future is yet to be. the best you can do, is stay cool, and continue on with your life.

So how do I eliminate this power advantage she has over me? The problem is that simply switching to liking another girl won't work because that means the power is simply transferred in with no net loss.