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Pushing people away

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AScomposer13413
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09 Jun 2012, 11:44 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
The Aspie I fell in love with explained to me that the closer he gets to people the more he pushes them away. Its a defense mechanism. Little did he know that the harder he pushed, the tighter I held on! Have you ever pushed someone away? And do you think there is a way for someone(the NT partner) to hold on, be persistent and get past this stage?


Yes, lots of times, and this extends beyond the realm of L&D. For me, I don't have a problem with people trying to bond with me/getting closer to me, but I can't help but border on shutdown if what someone's telling me gets too personal in nature. That combined with the emotions that usually come with a story like that, and it could be a recipe for disaster! The way to avert this (from the perspective of the NT)?? I'd suggest sending one or two brief messages (keyword being brief) to let them know you'll be there for them when they recover.

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Sometimes I wonder if the holding on and pushing back becomes an irritant.


It can, if it's not dealt with properly.



IlovemyAspie
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10 Jun 2012, 12:16 am

ILovemyAspie poser13413"]

IlovemyAspie wrote:
The Aspie I fell in love with explained to me that the closer he gets to people the more he pushes them away. Its a defense mechanism. Little did he know that the harder he pushed, the tighter I held on! Have you ever pushed someone away? And do you think there is a way for someone(the NT partner) to hold on, be persistent and get past this stage?

Quote:
Yes, lots of times, and this extends beyond the realm of L&D. For me, I don't have a problem with people trying to bond with me/getting closer to me, but I can't help but border on shutdown if what someone's telling me gets too personal in nature. That combined with the emotions that usually come with a story like that, and it could be a recipe for disaster! The way to avert this (from the perspective of the NT)?? I'd suggest sending one or two brief messages (keyword being brief) to let them know you'll be there for them when they recover.

Personal in what way? Like someone telling you how they feel about you? And once recovered what then? How do you roceed? Seems like you'd want to continue on the same path but then again you don't want a shutdown.

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Sometimes I wonder ifthe holding on and pushing back becomes an irritant.

Quote:
It can, if it's not dealt with properly
.

What is an example of the proper way?



AScomposer13413
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11 Jun 2012, 12:20 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
AScomposer13413 wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
The Aspie I fell in love with explained to me that the closer he gets to people the more he pushes them away. Its a defense mechanism. Little did he know that the harder he pushed, the tighter I held on! Have you ever pushed someone away? And do you think there is a way for someone(the NT partner) to hold on, be persistent and get past this stage?


Yes, lots of times, and this extends beyond the realm of L&D. For me, I don't have a problem with people trying to bond with me/getting closer to me, but I can't help but border on shutdown if what someone's telling me gets too personal in nature. That combined with the emotions that usually come with a story like that, and it could be a recipe for disaster! The way to avert this (from the perspective of the NT)?? I'd suggest sending one or two brief messages (keyword being brief) to let them know you'll be there for them when they recover.


Personal in what way? Like someone telling you how they feel about you? And once recovered what then? How do you roceed? Seems like you'd want to continue on the same path but then again you don't want a shutdown.


My definition of "personal" in this context would be things you wouldn't necessarily share with all of your acquaintances/best friends because you feel sharing that item would completely change their perspective of you. Based on that definition, someone telling me how they feel about me does fall under this category, but it's an exception to the rule in the sense that the intent of becoming closer is much more straightforward. If you still don't understand, I'll PM you a different explanation.

IlovemyAspie wrote:
AScomposer13413 wrote:
IlovemyAspie wrote:
Sometimes I wonder if the holding on and pushing back becomes an irritant.


It can, if it's not dealt with properly
.

What is an example of the proper way?


In general, there's no formulaic way of doing this. PM me for the specific example,



Last edited by AScomposer13413 on 12 Jun 2012, 6:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

omega26
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11 Jun 2012, 2:08 am

It seems to me, that the older I get the more I seem to be pushing people away.



IlovemyAspie
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11 Jun 2012, 7:05 am

omega26 wrote:
It seems to me, that the older I get the more I seem to be pushing people away.


I wondered about the age factor. The guy I like tells me stories about when he was younger and it seems like he was fairly social. He told about a girl and how they got along "really well". He also told me about a girl with whom he had " a lot of fun with". He talked fondly of those times and I wondered what happened??? He's different now. At first I was thinking is it me or what??! ! But then when I look at his overall life course I realize its him.