Unrequited love problem on the Internet

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Maja96
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10 Jun 2012, 11:00 am

Chummy wrote:
BTW, It just occured to me that "unrequired love" is also a song in your soundcloud page. haha.


It is, it's written to this person I wrote about. ;)



PaintingDiva
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10 Jun 2012, 11:17 am

The age of consent is 15 in Sweden, per wikipedia.

America is different. I'm nit picking but Europeans have a very different outlook on these issues. And as the OP wrote, this was not what she was interested in, meaning a lover.

The OP is feeling hurt, upset and I do believe cyclops summer poster gave her some great advice, which I more or less repeated.

Get busy with your life and get this guy out of your head! Use some of that Aspergian focus on your special interest to stop obsessing over what happened, and forget him.

Are there some songwriter groups to join? Can you use meet up to find people who would like to meet once a week to talk shop about song writing....I <3 singer/songwriters. They are the backbone of the music making industry.

And for the record, there are plenty of NTS who have no clue as to where the boundaries are in a relationship, they can just as easily fall in love with someone and 'carry a torch', American slang for moping over someone who rejected you.... :wink:



Zinia
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10 Jun 2012, 11:25 am

Maja, your mistake is totally understandable since you're fifteen.

Often, people won't tell each other they "love" them until after actually dating steadily for a time--like over a month.

You could have told him, "I am attracted to you" or "I like the way you make me feel" or "I think you're handsome/cute" (which I think you did--but saying you love someone is a bit like, IDK, asking them to marry you. It's a red-flag that you're moving too fast.

The other thing is that you need to be able to understand that he's probably not who you think he is. You don't really know him. You fell in love with who you think he is--which is why it's so hard to let him go. But you need to respect his boundaries, as a person, as those are truly what he wants. That is who he is--someone who doesn't want to be contacted.
You need to be able to remind yourself that he isn't as perfect as you think, and you need to respect his wishes. He's just a person who makes mistakes, like you. And he's not interested in having a relationship with a minor (which is illegal anyway). Plus, you're scaring him by continuing to disregard his boundaries and contact his friends and family.

Next time you have strong feelings like that for someone who you haven't been dating for over a month, remind yourself that you really don't know that person. You are in love with who you think they are--but you do not completely know them. They are human, and fallible, and probably have some qualities you will find annoying or dislike. And that you are human and your infatuation is nothing to be embarrassed of. Everyone has some weakness. And try to take it a bit slower.



Maja96
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10 Jun 2012, 6:24 pm

About this law-thing, I have no idea about what is ok to do and what is not ok to do.
I don't want to get reported or do something that is illegal, I'm not a bad person.
I'm still very scared/afraid of to become reported for things I can't help. What I did was only meant for good purposes, but it went so wrong.
Do you understand me? :? :roll:

I don't think it's illegal that persons in the not same age are in a relationship, I think it's 2 years in age difference between my parents (they're around 40 years old now and they've been married for 17 years) or something. Why is that wrong?



deltafunction
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10 Jun 2012, 6:42 pm

In America, the age of consent is 16 - which means it is illegal for anyone at the age of consent or older to be intimate with anyone under the age of consent. The person who is under the age of consent is called a minor, and the adult would be charged.

If the age of consent is 15, then it would be legal for anyone 15 or older to be lovers.


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You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


PaintingDiva
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10 Jun 2012, 6:42 pm

You need to discuss this issue with your parents or an adult you trust. Perhaps you can consult with an attorney? I don't know how it works in Sweden. I googled that issue and got this article:

www.thelocalse

If your former friend is wrong and having an extreme reaction to your behavior, then think about it, you could take HIM to court for making false accusations and causing you stress and anxiety. Joking. Don't do that please.

A chat board where you are getting random advice from random strangers, granted strangers with Asperger issues, but still strangers, is NOT the place to get good legal advice.

If you have a therapist, discuss this with your therapist too, you could be over reacting and having a lot of anxiety.....

All very hard to discern from posts on a chat board.

Good luck.



AScomposer13413
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11 Jun 2012, 12:45 am

Gathering from all the posts in this thread, I agree with much of the consensus - the several messages saying "it's ok" may have overstepped a boundary. Your best bet is to forget about him and move on with you life. Side note: listened to your Soundcloud, and really love what you have there so far ;) Perhaps getting over the guy can be as simple as focusing on advancing your songwriting abilities ;) Keep that up, and good luck with this scenario!!