How do you handle compliments?

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Usually, I make a joke, then try to switch the discussion to another subject. Simplified:

"What you've done there is really cool."
"Thank you. Know what's also cool? My accent when speaking English."

(I want to say first that this is, in no way, meant as an attack, and if the phrasing seems such, it is unintentional, and I apologize) I believe what is meant by that is they they admire your work partly because it's something they cannot currently do, given that they haven't invested the time and passion you have, or they could be admiring just your passion - not everyone has a passion they are aware of. ^_^ Sure perhaps with enough practice, anyone can do certain things, but it's likely if they don't have the right history with it, they will never be on the level you are. (this comes from experience, as I know several comic artists, and growing up my sister had my mom's drawing skills; I still have trouble with the simplest free-hand artwork - my skills are in color and pattern)

For the original question, I've had issues with compliments as long as I can remember.. I was taught that when you are given a compliment, the polite thing to do is return the compliment. That felt very forced to me, and made me question the whole point of a compliment in the first place, especially since I don't really have much comment on how other people act or dress; I simply don't care what they do, and pretending to is too fake for me. The delay in response while I was finding something to compliment, given that, likely, I had never seen the person before, was enough that that strategy doesn't work.. I think it requires more awareness of other people and your surroundings, and actually looking at people who are approaching or talking to you.. :p

I've also been told "Just say thank you!" but even that seems to leave people wondering why their ice breaker fell short it's goal. I suppose it's better then the alternative. I find compliments difficult to believe, as well, because I am often not in agreement (such as appearance, I like who I am, and I'm comfortable with the way I look, but I have been told many times that I'm hot or pretty or whatever, and I can't help asking why, it doesn't seem to fit)

I've tried adding a conversation closer to my responses to save myself the difficulty of knowing when the exchange is over, but as of yet, I haven't found the right closer to end each...or even some... exchanges as soon as they start (I tend to get them at inconvenient times, such as when I'm in the middle of a task, or I'm trying to prioritize my responsibilities to be most efficient with my time in public)

I'm usually embarrassed and don't know what to say when people compliment me. When people ask how I did something, I now know they're not really expecting me to explain....
People often tell me how beautiful my dog is, and I agree with them.

Everybody here seem to be in agreement, to some degree.

So, is this the normal way all people are (I find it very normal) or are NT people thinking differnt?

I usually do not really believe them and don't know what exactly to say.

I'd say "Thanks" if compliments actually come my way once in a while. Used to just laugh them off and idn't believe them. Still don't but I'd rather not be impolite.

Compliments make me feel awkward too.

I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum or not.

In my case I think it's because a primary type of bullying I experienced ages 11-15 was fake compliments, as I genunely couldn't tell if someone was being honest or not people would pretend to compliment mew, then when I responded would tell me I was actually the opposite for example - 'you're quite pretty really ' - when I responded 'Really?' they would then laugh and say something like 'actually no you're pretty ugly'. Usually it was girls who did this and it was common enough I became very cautious about whether compliments are genuine or not.

This led me to later actively contradict people who gave me genuine compliments, which either confused or annoyed them.

I am also concerned at coming across as conceited or a show-off.

Now I usually handle compliments, with a simple Thank You and a smile.

If I know someone very well, sometimes I might say 'Thank you, that's really kind', or even something like 'Thank you, I don't really see myself that way'.

I've found false complimenting has never happened to me in adulthood.

I'm not very good at complimenting others, and terrible at complimenting myself in my own head.

I am trying to get much better at this, and both compliment and thank others (and myself) more often now.

I can't remember the last time I recieved a compliment, but I say thanks I suppose.

"What?" "Really now?"

Emotionally: after the shock, they make me extremely uncomfortable. They also make me very embarrassed. As soon as I am embarrassed, I cannot talk, literally, and have an overwhelming instinct to run away.

While I can accept and respect someone's opinion even if it's different from my own and agree to disagree, that is only intellectually.
It doesn't not stop or change my emotional reaction in any way.

I have practiced not running away, and I can say "uummm" or "thank you", but this is only on my really good days. I have a long way to go.

I can totally relate to this. In high school I was the skinny geeky girl with floodsy pants, bad skin, braces, glasses, and pony tails. Any compliments were usually sarcastic and hurtful.
Now, at age 49, people say I look great and I have a hard time believing them.
Funny how you never get over that crap, even 30 years later.

i ignore them no , but i sometimes wonder how i would respond if someone started "extolling" my virtues in whatever area they imagine i excel in.

well i can not really comment on praise that is ascribed to me by others because i do not know exactly what they are thinking, and therefore if they are correct.

i can not endorse what i can not fathom precisely, and so i just ignore comments laced with praise and simply change the subject.

no one but me knows if i am praiseworthy or not, and i can not be bothered considering the question at this stage of my life.

i am not affected by congratulations or commiserations in any way.
i give no credit to the observations of anyone else with respect to their view of me.

everyone thinks with their own brain, and there is no "leads" linking my brain to any other brain, so i can never really know what is going through anyone else's head., therefore i can never confirm or deny that what they say to me is correct, and i most often am devoid of a pertinent reply in those situations.

someone telling me they are "impressed" with some aspect of me means nothing to me.
i have no idea if they are correct in being impressed or whether they see some ideal that they plug me into and report that they are impressed.

who cares anyway. i am the one that will decide whether i have done well.

I’m glad you brought that up. I also wondered if the awkwardness extended to giving compliments as well. Is it awkwardness or you are just not compelled to compliment?



Are you talking about when someone gets a new haircut and they tell someone they don’t like it. Then the person they’re talking to says “oh I like it, I think it looks nice”. Which is a lie but they are trying to make the person feel better?


Darn, I was checking Amazon for it! lol



Yes, I think that in a relationship it might seem odd not to get compliments from your bf/gf. But if that’s just your “norm” then that’s okay too. It’s not like you’re complimenting everyone but him!



Clever!


This^^^



For me, I find it hard to accept compliments as well. I don’t know why this is. I think I feel that as mentioned before people are just lying to me. I think a lot of guys use compliments to "pick up" on women and so if a guy gives me a compliment I am leery of his intentions. I have to hear the same compliment a few times from different people before I’ll believe it. I’ve been told I have nice skin. It took the dermatologist to tell me before I believed it. However, when my AS guy compliments me, I believe him. I have issues with my weight. I am on the short side and any weight I gain shows up right away. A couple times I’ve made negative remarks about my weight and he has come back with “you are fine just the way you are”. Or if someone has said something about my clothing, he’ll say “they are just jealous because they can’t pull it off, I think you look great”!

I only give comments when warranted. I would feel like a liar if I complimented someone on an awful haircut just to make them feel better. I've learned to get creative with my responses. If someone's baby isn't cute, I don't say it is. I say it is "sweet" or I draw attention to something else like "Look at all that hair"! I even I thought my firstborn was ugly when he was born. I never asked people if they thought he was cute because I new he wasn't. My mom and sister are they same way and said he was ugly too. But not until after he had gotten cute.




This makes me sad because people BS a lot so when something genuine comes your way you question it's sincerity.



I have done this too. I’m trying to stop.



If someone knew this made you uncomfortable, would it bother you if they kept doing it? I ask because for me, if I like something I’ll say it. If your shirt is cute or your hair or whatever, I feel the need to tell you. I do this quite a lot with my AS guy. I tell him he’s “super cute” or I like his shirt or his hair or whatever. He never responds to the “you’re cute” comments but always to the “I like your [insert object here]” comments. One time he did say “nah it’s not cute because…. (ye old contradiction technique)and I said “Well I think so”! So I wasn’t sure if I should slack off of the compliments or keep ‘em coming risking the chance that he’s squirming in his seat each time he reads and email or text? What would you prefer?

And a BIG thanks to all of the folks who have responded thus far

Uncomfortable. Can be very, depending on the person. If my significant other says it, I don't feel as awkward. I just say "Um... Thanks?" or something like that.

I wondered if it mattered who was giving the compliments.

Definitely. If I don't know the person too well, I'm not gonna be as pleased about it. If anything, it offends me, depending on what they say.