Bf keeps on insulting me

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dump that mother f**ker

Exactly.

Agreed, because his behavior won't change.

The thing is, it might not even matter who is the more intelligent of the two of you. He's showing signs of being insecure, especially regarding your intelligence, and he feels threatened. My ex bf was like this, even though we were comparable in IQ, interests, etc. He steadily became more violent as time went on, and resented my ability to recall entire conversations that pointed to his lying or being incorrect. If your is like mine was, he might also seem perfectly charming a large percentage of the time, and reserve the zinging comments for when you're alone. It bordered on sociopathic, and I hope you're not headed down the same road, with the same type of person.

If he treats you badly, dump him. Simple as that.

If you don't want to be treated badly, don't be with a guy who treats you badly.

Your not going to change him, your not going to fix him, he's just going to continue to use you as a doormat.

I sadly have to agree. Its far too comon a thing to not have a valid theory

Dump that bigot.

Could it possibly be that it's more visible because the people whose boyfriends are respectful aren't (for obvious reasons) complaining about it?

Imagine: "My boyfriend doesn't insult me. Whatever shall I do?"

Well yeah, but this thread is from someone who's asking for help, being in a more difficult situation with an individual man.

It's a good point that most men aren't like this--good point for the OP, as well as everyone reading.

And I may be totally oblivious of the context of your post, but I do think it's important to remember that any negative experience with one of the opposite sex doesn't reflect on all of the possible other experiences with that sex.

Abuse is abuse, in whatever form it is in.

You need to state clearly that you will no longer accept this from him. Pull him up on it every time he does it. Use the 3 strike rule.

If he continues to do this after you have made it blantantly clear through both words and actions, you need to leave him, because he won't change.

If you only tell him with words "stop insulting me" and don't back that up with actions, then he's going to keep doing it.
If he insults you, walk away or hang up, whatever. Don't speak to him again until he apologises. Even then, like I said, 3 more chances.

If he screws up those 3 chances, then you need to leave. Verbally abusive people don't usually change, sometimes they stop for a short amount of time but they they usually go straight back to it.

Imo, you'd have to be a bit foolish to fall for a guy who does all of that stuff because you think he'll have a bigger piece of pie.

The guy who can do all of those things in a respectful manner will not only have a bigger piece of pie, he won't have any enemies trying to eat it either.

I'll never understand other people!

Alright, I'll take this back. Not because I disagree with it, and I acknowledge that it has been observed scientifically, but because apparently, it's sexist and I've been warned for it.

I must have been getting my partners from unusual places then. If anything, it's been the other way round for me. Haven't had a lot of direct verbal abuse or name-calling, it's been indirect mostly, stuff that in hindsight was obviously likely to be hurtful, but hard to prove at the time, and always denied when I tried to protest. But I live in hope that those who work that way are not representative of "female nature."

I think if I were subjected to direct verbal abuse, my job would be a lot easier. Anybody who resorts to that has obviously lost the plot just like the passive-aggressive game players have, only at least it's honest when it's direct. So I already know within seconds that they're out of line for sure. I have several options for dealing with a direct frontal attack. I don't take direct insults very seriously as a rule, so it's unlikely that they've hurt me, so if the person is usually not like that, they might provoke my compassion and get me wondering how I've upset them so much that they've been reduced to desperately slinging mud at me.

Or I could just ignore their attacks as I might ignore a child's naive, harmless anger, though by doing so I might seem to be occupying the moral high ground, which usually would only make the partner feel worse. Or I can be intolerant to it, saying things like "you can't talk to me like that," leaving the room, and generally highlighting what an uncouth lout they are and how if they've got a grievance, we'll discuss it like civilised adults or not at all (not in my experience the best move - people do blow their stacks sometimes and act badly, and although they shouldn't, I'm not entitled to perfection.

Another way is to join in......ever since I learned about psychology and how to deal with people, I've put quite a strain on myself by trying to be very diplomatic and tolerant. But one of my partners started hurling abuse at one of my exes who wasn't there to defend herself, so after a couple of days absorbing that, I returned fire and came out with a string of pejoratives about her ex, and that felt great because I'd been playng Mr. Nonpossessive about that particular guy way too much, so there was nothing she could say when I vented back like that. But, I can't say it solved anything except that it gave me permission to express myself without feeling guilty.

in fact, they do complaint about it, they make threads about boyfriend beings too nice.

It could be that he is saying these things in a jokey teasing way and doesn't really understand that they really hurt you. If you have never explained this to him properly and asked him to stop is it reasonable to be annoyed with him?

If he genuinely cares for you, he will stop.

Really? Where?

Maybe the magic formula for avoiding complaints is somewhere in the middle.

There are reasons why people (not just women!) often stay in abusive relationships, and it's nothing to do with secretly enjoying it or thinking abusers make better partners.

To put it simply, it's often a combination of disbelief that the person they fell in love with could turn out to be so awful (many abusers escalate their behaviour gradually over time, being quite charming at first), with a fear that perhaps they deserve the abuse (again due to the insidious way that abusers act), and a desperate hope that if only they do the right thing, everything will be OK and the relationship will become happy again. Add in a fear of reprisals if they stand up for themselves, and it can become extremely difficult to summon the courage and conviction to leave.

People are complicated, love is powerful and so is fear. It doesn't mean women want to be insulted.

As for the happy middle ground, yes, it does exist. Most people want a partner who is neither abusive nor acts like a fawning slave. They just want someone with self-respect, who will take reasonable care of both themselves and their loved ones. We don't do ourselves any favours by creating a false dichotomy between nasty and nice, where you can either be a rude, arrogant alpha male type or a completely selfless guy who'll do anything for his girl if she'll only love him for who he is. I don't want either of those men! I want a man who can be with me as an equal, who is confident in his abilities and has respect for mine.

OP, your boyfriend's behaviour is absolutely not OK. It is verbal abuse. You've tried to address it with him and he doesn't think he needs to change - it's pretty clear at this point that things are not going to get better. I think you need to get out of the relationship. Is there someone supportive IRL who you can talk to about this, who can be there for you if you need them?