Aspie women and wanting children

Page 2 of 4 [ 55 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next


Do you aspie women want a child? Or did you ever want one before you gave birth?
Yes 37%  37%  [ 28 ]
No 63%  63%  [ 47 ]
Total votes : 75

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,643
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

10 Jul 2012, 3:20 pm

I'm not a woman & I am NOT clamming to speak for them but I do know about Aspergers in general & it could apply to some Aspie women as well as men but not all.
Now that the disclaimer is out the way :arrow:
Us Aspies tend to be more logical in some ways compared to NTs so I'll analyze this from a logical perspective. We have special unique differences/issues/challenges from NTs~ We like our routines & having a kid could disrupt them. We have problems with social interaction or dislike it or have anxiety about it & having a kid would require more social interaction; taking kid to the doctor, going to parent teacher confreres, taking the kids to play dates or birthday parties with other kids or places like the zoo/park ect. We have problems finding & maintaining employment & kids cost money. We have problems being independent; not just financially but things like self-help skills & taking care of a kid would be extremely though when we can barely take care of ourselves. We have problems finding & keeping partners; finding a partner who is willing to have a kid or finding a partner when you have a kid is more challenging; fighting over child-custody if the relationship doesn't work seems scary & so does the idea of raising a kid by yourself. We may dislike being around other kids because we don't know how to act around them because we had problems getting along with other kids when we were kids or because of sensory issues; being around kids yelling & screaming or just running around playing is overwhelming to us. We also face lots of problems in our lives due to being an Aspie in an NT world & the idea of bringing a kid into this world who could possibly have the same problems seems wrong to some of us & if the kid isn't an Aspie; we worry we'll have problems relating & raising an NT kids since we're not NT.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


DogsWithoutHorses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,146
Location: New York

10 Jul 2012, 4:34 pm

I have severe bouts of baby fever.
The cure is long stretches of babysitting.

So the emotional impulse of it all is something I definitely have to manage. When I think about it as a practical decision I still want a child, I just also want to wait until I'm more settled.


_________________
If your success is defined as being well adjusted to injustice and well adapted to indifference, then we don?t want successful leaders. We want great leaders- who are unbought, unbound, unafraid, and unintimidated to tell the truth.


Kjas
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore

11 Jul 2012, 1:02 am

@Nick:

I daresay the main reason is that many of us would not cope well, is with a child *demanding* at us. That's basically what children do, and that's something that aspies in general respond very poorly to most of the time. Providing emotional support is also not usually our best stregnth, yet that is a very large part of parenting. You have already covered the financial issues.

The other large problem I foresee, is not having any space or time to yourself. We need large amount of time to recharge alone and/or to engage in our interests. That time would be difficult to find when you have a child, or children. That could result in us ending up stressed out and having a burn out, or even losing our job because we would be unable to cope.


_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html


Shroomy
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 7 Jul 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 127

11 Jul 2012, 1:58 pm

I do but I know I'm not ready yet.



Mummy_of_Peanut
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Feb 2011
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,564
Location: Bonnie Scotland

11 Jul 2012, 2:15 pm

I have a child and have always wanted a child. However, despite having fertility issues and it taking 8 years to get pregnant, I don't think I was in the same mental state as most women in my position. I've spoke with women on-line and in IRL, who have been trying to conceive for much less time than I did, and many of them seem to be in the depths of despair over it. I've never been in that state. That said, I put my life on hold, thinking it might happen this month or next month or next year. I never started courses that I might have to interrupt. People told me to get on with my life, but I saw that as giving up hope.


_________________
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiatic about." Charles Kingsley


SilkySifaka
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,396
Location: UK

11 Jul 2012, 3:19 pm

Mummy_of_Peanut wrote:
I have a child and have always wanted a child. However, despite having fertility issues and it taking 8 years to get pregnant, I don't think I was in the same mental state as most women in my position. I've spoke with women on-line and in IRL, who have been trying to conceive for much less time than I did, and many of them seem to be in the depths of despair over it. I've never been in that state. That said, I put my life on hold, thinking it might happen this month or next month or next year. I never started courses that I might have to interrupt. People told me to get on with my life, but I saw that as giving up hope.


I'm so glad you eventually got your lovely daughter, I'm sure she is well worth the long wait.



_DyL_
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jun 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 68

12 Jul 2012, 12:26 pm

I'm not female, though I still do want a child in the future.
I have no clue why, I've just always wanted one. :?



Siras
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jun 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 13
Location: Finland

13 Jul 2012, 2:35 pm

I've known for a long time that I will never have kids. I really really can't stand children. I don't hate them, they just get on my nerves and annoy the hell out of me. The thought of being permanently stuck with one is just horrible to me. I'd get sterilized if I could just to be safe but sadly I don't meet the criteria for it.



Wolfmaster
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Aug 2011
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 236

13 Jul 2012, 4:21 pm

According to the votes, aspie women don't like Children... I never have, I find them annoying but I'm not a woman lol



Crysta
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 32
Location: North Queensland

14 Jul 2012, 12:35 am

I've never wanted or expected myself to have children. As a child and teenager, I could never understand or feel any empathy for people my age. When I was a child, I would perceive others my age as 'children' but not myself.

I, too, would always go gooey over a cute animal, but never over children. I'm now 27, and most of my high school friends have married (or partnered) and have at least 1 child. I feel a bit 'out of the group' now since we no longer have anything great in common, but they've always heard me voice my dislike of children and my desire never to have any. It has taken me years to be able to not be intimidated by having babies near me (not scared, I just don't know what the hell to do with them!), but I enjoy being around my goddaughters and babysitting my godneice. That's about as far as it goes...


_________________
"If you give what you've always given, you'll get what you've always got."


Kjas
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore

14 Jul 2012, 12:43 am

Wolfmaster wrote:
According to the votes, aspie women don't like Children... I never have, I find them annoying but I'm not a woman lol


I like them, I'm the first to play with them. :lol:

There's a world of difference between liking them and getting along well with them and wanting your own though, for any number of reasons.


_________________
Diagnostic Tools and Resources for Women with AS: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt211004.html


Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

14 Jul 2012, 3:34 am

I like them too, I just don't want any of my own.
I made a thread about liking children but not wanting them, but noone replied. :(


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


SuperSimoholic
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Aug 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 52
Location: Bristol, UK

21 Jul 2012, 10:00 pm

I want children a lot. Even before I got with my partner, I knew I would have a child at some point, whether I found someone or not.
Now, I have a happy, healthy, stable long term relationship (4 years and going strong) so I know it wont be long before it happens for me.

Although, I don't want a "baby", I want a "child". I don't find babies cute at all, and I'm only willing to suffer through that phase because eventually it will become a child. I don't go "aww" when I see a baby, but I can't help but smile when I see a toddler running around.
Also, the idea of being pregnant terrifies me! I'm a huge wimp when it comes to pain and discomfort so I don't know how I'll manage it.
But saying that, it's seeing pregnant women that makes me most jealous. Knowing that soon they'll have what I want most, I guess.

For me, waiting to be financially secure enough to start trying for a baby is like waiting for my life to start.
I can't wait.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 46,060
Location: Houston, Texas

21 Jul 2012, 10:12 pm

I'm a guy, but I do want to be a father someday.

I put yes because that's what my ideal partner would put.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


wintermutetower
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 34

22 Jul 2012, 8:20 am

Crysta wrote:
I've never wanted or expected myself to have children. As a child and teenager, I could never understand or feel any empathy for people my age. When I was a child, I would perceive others my age as 'children' but not myself.
This is exactly me, I find this whole thread so interesting. I used to ask my mom why other children acted the way they did, and she was always just really confused, and she'd tell me that it was because they were children.

I'm hitting twenty four in a few weeks and my "biological clock" definitely hasn't started ticking the way older women always told me it would when I was a bit younger and said I didn't want children. There isn't a single aspect of children that I can tolerate though, I can't even be around them without massive anxiety. I hate infants, toddlers, their inability to communicate, their lack of understanding of logic and reason once they can start to communicate, the crying, their tiny little voices, it's all just like a cheese grater on my brain. People seem to react really strongly when a woman says she doesn't want children, as if it's weird and unnatural, and I'll surely grow out of it some day, which I always find hurtful. I think it must be how gay teens feel when they try to come out and they're told it's just a phase. This is just who I am, and I'm not going to change how I feel right down in the core of me because society thinks I need to make gross babies.

I saw a lot of comments higher up too about not liking dolls or anything. I used to have loads of dolls and My Little Ponies, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to do with them. Like, I'm supposed to move them around, and do voices for them? That's stupid, why would I do that, am I right? I liked activities like arts and crafts though, or reading. I started using the computer when I was only about two as well. I think it's really cool that I'm not the only one, if only we could have hung out as kids and started a sweet high society club and had decaf tea and digestive cookies and looked down our noses on how childish the other children were :P



LadybugS
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 376
Location: Kentucky USA

22 Jul 2012, 6:39 pm

_DyL_ wrote:
I'm not female, though I still do want a child in the future.
I have no clue why, I've just always wanted one. :?


That's sweet! :)


_________________
SpazzDog's girl <3

"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough... God knows we're worth it"