http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... ID=1368045
What “He’s too nice to date!” really means
By Laura Schaefer
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Somewhere up there with the dreaded “I need some space” lies “you’re too nice” — which is possibly one of the most annoying phrases ever uttered in the dating world. What does it mean? Is it some kind of code for “I’m dumping you?” The unfortunate thing is that one little phrase can have potentially dozens of different meanings — especially when it comes from a woman’s mouth. “We don’t reject guys because they are nice,” confides Claudia Maittlen-Harris, 33, the writer and comedian in Los Angeles who blogs at TheZerosBeforeTheOne.com. “Often, ‘nice’ is our code for needy, boring, insecure, socially awkward or bad in bed. We’re just too nice to say it.” If you’ve just been blown off by a woman into the friend zone with a Nice Bomb, read on for an explanation…
Meaning #1: “You’re too safe and predictable for me.” “When a woman tells someone, ‘you’re too nice,’ what she really means is that she wants a man who is a little more adventurous and risky,” explains Dr. Miro Gudelsky, a Manhattan-based sex therapist. “She is being polite. Instead of saying, ‘You have no sex appeal’ or ‘You will never get my juices flowing,’ she wiggles out of that uncomfortable space by presenting the other person in a ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ light. It’s a question of swagger.”
Meaning #2: “You’re kind of boring.” “‘You’re too nice’ could mean many things, but most commonly, it’s ‘you don’t stimulate me mentally enough,’ i.e., ‘you’re too boring,’” says Paula Hall, coauthor of Improving Your Relationship For Dummies. “It is definitely one of those expressions meant to imply you don’t have a long-term romantic future together.” So what should you do when you hear this line from a woman? “If you have been 100% yourself, don’t change,” advises Hall. “Don’t try and act tough and unreliable in an effort to seem less ‘nice,’ because it will almost certainly backfire — and it won’t ring true for either of you.”
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http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?a ... ID=1368046
What “She’s too nice to date!” really means
By Laura Schaefer
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Nothing sounds more like a needle scratching across a record in the middle of a date than hearing, “You’re too nice.” It’s jarring, because it’s hard to determine exactly what someone really means by that. Is it an off-hand compliment? A veiled critique? Such an oblique statement should really be banned in the world of dating, but short of that, here are some ways to decode it. What does a man really mean when he says you’re too nice? Read on…
Meaning #1: “You seem too interested in others’ approval.” “When a man tells a woman she’s too nice, he usually means that she is too eager to please,” explains Jennifer Degler, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and coauthor of No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice — Instead of Good — Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends. “She tries too hard to make people like her, and in the process, loses her grip on her own identity. This makes her less interesting and definitely less challenging to pursue.” In other words, men can easily get turned off by doormat behavior in a woman. “When it comes to male-female relationships, a little effort goes a very long way,” says Christina-Lauren, 30, the voice behind Inspirations & Celebrations, a lifestyle blog based in Carmel, CA. “Men perceive women who are more independent and self-confident as being more interesting, challenging and intriguing — and thereby more attractive.”
Meaning #2: “I won’t be able to make you happy.” “When he says ‘You’re too nice,’ it means: ‘I’m worried; I don’t think that I can be that nice to you, if I’m really honest with myself,’” says Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a family therapist in Mount Kisco, NY and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage. Some men feel panicked at the prospect of you expecting better treatment from a man than he’s realistically ready to offer. Bobbi Palmer, founder of DateLikeaGrownup.com, agrees with this assessment: “He likes you, but knows something about himself that tells him he will never be able to make you happy. Either he doesn’t want you to be hurt or disappointed, or he doesn’t want to get involved with a woman who complains and wants to change him...either way, it’s not going anywhere.”
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07 Aug 2012, 2:59 pm
