Why do women seem so difficult to read?

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I actually understand men much better than I understand women. If it were not for my situation, my critical thinking skills, and my sisters, I'm not sure I'd understand women at all.

I get that. That's your individual communication style.

I just don't believe either women or men are inherently more difficult to understand than the other.
Some people have more difficultly dealing with socially masculine communication styles, some people have more difficulty with socially feminine communication styles.

I don't think your friend is very well adjusted if that's what he thinks women want. But let us also not overlook the fact that a lot of people subconsciously/unintentionally, continue to seek out the same type of individuals for partners over and over. Your friend might be the male equivalent of a woman who only dates jerks and so thinks all men are jerks.

Men are not immune to that phenomena. I have a friend who consistently dated women with problems until one day we sat down and eventually figured out which traits he was attracted to which, when combined, seemed to be a marker for such women.

I will not detail those traits as I fear that will derail the conversation, but we concluded that he should probably stop looking online, and look for professional women who had good jobs, no children, and did not have a history of incredibly bad relationships.

I agree. The ironic thing is, men and women essentially have the same problem....in general, concerning communication.

Many NT women feel like don't verbalize their thoughts and game plan enough, and that they have to constantly ask or guess, and many NT men feel like women don't verbalize their expectations enough, and expect the men to be mind readers.

I can not read a womans motives to say my life, and its really hard for me to read them probally why I am still single or I end up with the wrong kind of women.

I'm a woman and I find other women complicated too. We aren't all crazy, it's the few bad ones that make us look bad

Yes, I think so.

I so often see female users here complaining about specifically understanding other women, not as frequently as male users complaining about their male buddies.

A lot of your fellow female WP users admit that men are easier to understand. What does that indicate? it indicates that men are really easier to understand.

Even "normal" guys have problems understanding women, so do not worry that much. I am a female myself and I do not like women that much. I always preferred hanging up with guys because they are more straight forward and way less complicated.

Doing things around the house is def a plus. And if you learn how to cook, double plus. But that does not mean it will help you find the right girl of that the one you get wont find something else to complain about...

Because no 2 women are the same therefor they cannot be truly figured out however over time an individual woman can be read and figured out but it takes a lot of time and observation.

Wow! Thanks for all the input, everyone!

Seeing all these responses is very reassuring for what I have done and how I can move forward. Plus, I'm sure all your posts are helping someone else who browsed over this page.

I think your reasoning is specious here, Boo.

I'll admit that I don't understand men. But I don't understand anyone, really, except myself. But it's extra hard with men because my intimate relationships would all be with men, since I'm heterosexual.

With every encounter, I have to go down a huge laundry list of items that *could* be what the man means or intends, complete with attendant variables and the like.

I don't think I'm that unusual, except that I'm maybe less willing to automatically stereotype or rationalize than my NT brethren...

Klinx, your biggest fear is that you'll become a burden and your partner will leave you.
Well first of all... your not alone there.
Secondly... have you seen people in retirement homes? They can be a burden but the carers still work there... as their job is to care for them.
You have to find someone who will care for you and will meet your needs.

Would any of you gals admit your moms TAUGHT you the art of hinting, flirting and/or sending messages without speaking them directly?

Or is it some sort of instinct?

My mom is an undiagnosed, unacknowledged Aspie, too, so that's not exactly a big ten-four. She has spent her whole life faking. She would get extremely uncomfortable if someone asked her to discuss these kinds of things, because she knows she knows nothing about them except what she's managed to pick up, intellectually and by trial-and-error, in 65 years).

In fact, after college it finally occurred to me (by seeing the looks on other people's faces, as they pitied me) that I never had any kind of training whatsoever for interaction at an intimate relationship level. For me, it was definitely self-taught (snort, and *badly*). The only "training" I got was in trying to avoid potential rape situations and not be unduly noticed. And not to treat my good looks like they were anything special (actually, that came naturally. What do I care about what other people think of how I look?)

I learned about sex from books. And experience. Never learned about negotiation, compromise, empathy, flattery, or manipulation (kind or unkind). And I've been married! {Failed}

It's amazing how closely your experience resembles mine!! My mom's exactly the same and boy does she get mad if you even suggest she may be anything less than the "hostess with the most-est"... [groan] She has no friends and her whole life for over 60 years has been her nursing job and then staying home alone in the dark. Her husband and we kids weren't even a distant second... we were rarely in her life at all. I remember as a boy, I'd have to sneak into her room while she slept just to snuggle up for a hug...

I need hugs and physical affection and I didn't get it as a kid, nor much of my married life... I feel like I'm starving to death...


Sorry... off topic. Going to work now.

I'm beginning to think my mother has a double life (complete with son younger than her children here) in Canada!