"You'll find someone, I know you will."

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It's annoying - of course it is. These people say everything will work out fine in the end, even if you can see they don't even believe it themselves. I have very little tolerance for this. If you want to be pessimistic about my chances of anything, by all means be pessimistic if the situation calls for it. Don't sugar-coat your words. Offend me if you have to. The people I respect most in my life are the people who aren't yes men. The people who tell me I'm ruining something instead of gently dropping hints. When someone talked to me about his chances of getting a girlfriend, and he was a coarse, ugly guy with poor personal hygiene and an obsession with breasts, I was honest to him and told him he wasn't not going to get a girlfriend anytime soon. The same applies for me, really, although my personal hygiene is a bit better and I'm more of a butt guy.

Anyway, these excuses are worse than blatant insults.

Depends. I've had cases where this line was used on me, but that person later came back and set me up with someone. It didn't always work out, but I couldn't necessarily get mad at the friend for trying. It's only when that line is used and it's clear to me they don't want me in their life anymore I get annoyed at its usage (because then there's no denying it was false).

Last edited by AScomposer13413 on 27 Jul 2012, 7:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Actually to be honest I wouldn't have got mad at the friend either.

Honest, sure - but not helpful to him unless he also knows WHY he won't get a girlfriend... he might think poor hygiene = "my sexy smell!"

I told him what was wrong. That's about infinity times better than giving him the idea that he's an invincible adonis.

I haven't had anyone reject me with this phrase.... but I have had acquaintances who don't even know me assume that I am single not by my own choice, and then try to use this phrase.

I have to laugh.... if only they knew how difficult I am to live with!

I have used this phrase with my housemate, but I wasn't rejecting him, I was encouraging him to get out there and go to new places and meet new people. He has no trouble getting laid but he hasn't had a relationship before and now he is at the stage where he is starting to want one, but he won't find a girl like that at the current places he hangs out. I said it because I know it's true and it is just a matter of time now - if I didn't believe it then I wouldn't have said it.

I have not heard that in a long time. Simply put, everyone knew I hated hearing it. Absolutely hated hearing it. It simply does not help my self-confidence in hearing it, and you know that it is a polite, yet two-faced way of letting someone down. Even I can read the subtlety that the person saying it usually has no respect for me and what I expect to hear. One thing I hate worse is my friend said to me the other day "you have the qualities that most women when they hit your age will be looking for in a guy." Complete and utter bullsh** that comment and this friend should have known better than to say it since he has known me for 20 years. People seem to have this idea that they should get more creative now that I have heard all the cliches, but all the messages are still interpreted as "you'll find someone" or "But, you're normal" which is also condescending in so many ways. I have learned by now that the average NT women will never look for anything other than what they perceive to be normal, and happy.

Yup, I have gotten this comment before and it is about as helpful as "you just need to put yourself out there". I hate that one the most because no one can ever explain exactly what it means or how the hell you do it.

"Just be yourself!"

...so long as your "self" is exactly like the bubbly, social people you see on TV.

Hi there. Being NT I feel like I can say that sayings like the ones described can often feel like complete BS delivered by most, and I sympathize. But coming from someone like myself, I feel like if i am saying somthing like "you'll find someone that is right for you" that I'm not just trying to make the person feel better, but really mean what I say. Every individual is different, and it can be hard I gauge the authenticity of and individual even when both parties are NT. its an incredibly nuanced thing that I wish I could articulate better. I feel like I'm a great judge of character and can tell when someone is just blowing smoke just because it's socially accepted.

All those phrases are cheap yada yada, and those who tell you s**t like that are cowardly liars who don't manage to tell you the truth.

I've come to this conclusion after i read the other comments and thought of some examples. It would be so much easier to say "We're through." Or "I'm done with you."

It's the same about saying "I'm sure you'll soon be quite well," although they know that's not true. Or saying thank you for a gift they didn't like. Or making a fake compliment.

Perhaps these lies are based on the NT's desire of being nice at all costs because they have been brainwashed that being nice is the most important thing, at least much more valuable than being honest.

Those acquaintances sound like freaks...
I'm also difficult to live with, we'd be two peas in a pod.

I always think when people say it (had it done on me myself), aren't really worth the hassle in the first place.

I actually said I liked someone because I was bored once and I got the whole thing in stereo and repeated.

I really wanted to say "I only said it because I was bored, I don't REALLY like you".

Reversing it would be crueller but sometimes I really feel like doing it on them just to show them that they aren't all "that".

Jesus! You guys so full of negativity! That saying has positivism. It tells you that your chances is exactly going to happen.

Disbelief that saying will make that thing to happen. I mean if you don't follow or listen their saying of 'you will find someone in future' then it won't! The more you putting yourself down is the more likely to for you not to find anyone. No one like poor attitude. They get scared away.

Please adapt that saying. The more you think about it is the more positive and bright you are the better outcome will happen.

I don't think it's a question of what's being said, but how it's being said. If we were only going about it on a surface level, you'd be in the right and I'd agree. Based on some of the comments in the thread, I'm under the impression the view against that saying comes from it having been used in contexts where the people saying it didn't actually mean it. Couple that with having been burned a lot by people saying things they don't actually mean it all tends to take a pretty big toll.

Last edited by AScomposer13413 on 30 Jul 2012, 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Exactly. It's not just what they're saying - it's how they say it. It's the arrogance that is most frustrating. The people saying I'll find a girlfriend eventually - even though they're at their fifth girlfriend, or at their tenth boyfriend by now. It's one thing if they genuinely seem to believe it, but I have yet to encounter that type. It's another thing when they know it's not true at this point in time, but keep up a lie for social convention. Contrary to what they might think, I'm closer to keeping a grudge and wanting revenge than I am to thanking them and feeling better. Because that's what it's all about - comforting words originating from social convention.

Spare me that, and get on with the truth.