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Why I don't have a GF (and what can I do?)

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equestriatola
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20 Aug 2012, 2:08 am

And yes, I have mostly male friends, with a few female friends.



WantToHaveALife
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18 Sep 2012, 7:49 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
Everyone's told me not to think about it, to not act desperate and to not go after love. In essence, I have found being relaxed and yourself is the best medicine, but your mileage may vary. And I know this, I've had three flames (two girlfriends) and I'm 21. None of my relationships have lasted three months.


how do you go after love and at the same time not be desperate? since girls are not gonna approach a guy first



sudowoodo
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20 Sep 2012, 5:58 am

I think you sound quite nice, intelligent and charming. Perhaps you are approaching the wrong type of women. Have you tried associating with women of your calibre? Perhaps you are setting your sights too low (I think a lot of us do that).



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20 Sep 2012, 6:38 am

Lets adress what seems to be your main problem at the moment to me:

You seem to just want a person, anyone would do. Most people expect to be wanted for something a little more special than just the fact that they are single as well and they arent mean to you.

Just so you have an idea: You are currently talking to someone who hasnt had a relationship in about 4 years. 2 Years ago I declined an offer based on the fact that she just wanted to be with someone and I was looking for something else(she had asked 2 other guys in a short time-span scared of her leaving me if she found someone else...)
Nobody wants to be wanted just because theres nothing else around.

I encourage you to work on this aspect before you start meeting any more girls



equestriatola
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20 Sep 2012, 6:28 pm

I still have dreams that I am public and the people see me and scream "AAHH! CASEY ANTHONY!" or "AAHH! JERRY SANDUSKY!" and everyone runs away from me, leaving me all alone and heartbroken.


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Northeastern292
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20 Sep 2012, 8:34 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
Everyone's told me not to think about it, to not act desperate and to not go after love. In essence, I have found being relaxed and yourself is the best medicine, but your mileage may vary. And I know this, I've had three flames (two girlfriends) and I'm 21. None of my relationships have lasted three months.


how do you go after love and at the same time not be desperate? since girls are not gonna approach a guy first


I have found that as I've said, being relaxed is key. You might also have to expand your circle of friends. That's tricky to do, because if you have a group that you are tight with, you might jeopardize your membership in the group. And equestriatola, work on self esteem.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ysMt_9JnyI[/youtube]



equestriatola
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20 Sep 2012, 11:39 pm

My goodness, I have low self esteem issues. Is there a thread for those?


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RICKY5
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20 Sep 2012, 11:43 pm

equestriatola wrote:
I'm a quarter century old. My biggest problem is my social awkwardness; which has been a MAJOR impediment in my life (related to my Aspies), and why I have not had a GF.

Onward....
I ask a girl on a date, no matter where she lives, and she sees me like I am either Charlie Sheen, Casey Anthony, Jerry Sandusky, or all three (which I am neither of). Also not helping things is the impression that girls aren't friend-zoning me, they are putting bounties on my head. (Not trying to be funny, it's my personal convictions speaking.)

What I'd like:
To have a GF that understands me, nothing more. There's a few other things, but that's another story for another post.

Simply put, I am not having much luck with girls because of the social awkwardness and the aforementioned being-compared-to-maniacs. I feel sad, and I fear that time is running out for me. I could use help in this.


Bang an escort and get that desperation out of you. Learn to be happy with yourself first.



equestriatola
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21 Sep 2012, 2:50 pm

I see..... I guess we're still searching for answers for mahself.... and others in my sitch.


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WantToHaveALife
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21 Sep 2012, 4:42 pm

Northeastern292 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
Everyone's told me not to think about it, to not act desperate and to not go after love. In essence, I have found being relaxed and yourself is the best medicine, but your mileage may vary. And I know this, I've had three flames (two girlfriends) and I'm 21. None of my relationships have lasted three months.


how do you go after love and at the same time not be desperate? since girls are not gonna approach a guy first


I have found that as I've said, being relaxed is key. You might also have to expand your circle of friends. That's tricky to do, because if you have a group that you are tight with, you might jeopardize your membership in the group. And equestriatola, work on self esteem.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ysMt_9JnyI[/youtube]


yeah it's very difficult, it's hard to not be desperate



Northeastern292
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21 Sep 2012, 5:07 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
Everyone's told me not to think about it, to not act desperate and to not go after love. In essence, I have found being relaxed and yourself is the best medicine, but your mileage may vary. And I know this, I've had three flames (two girlfriends) and I'm 21. None of my relationships have lasted three months.


how do you go after love and at the same time not be desperate? since girls are not gonna approach a guy first


I have found that as I've said, being relaxed is key. You might also have to expand your circle of friends. That's tricky to do, because if you have a group that you are tight with, you might jeopardize your membership in the group. And equestriatola, work on self esteem.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ysMt_9JnyI[/youtube]


yeah it's very difficult, it's hard to not be desperate


My stepdad's chauvinistic opinion is to sleep with anything that likes you. If that had been true, I probably would have had a few sexual partners by now. But I've waited, and for good reason. My reason is kind of ridiculous, but still. First off, I'm against teenagers sleeping around because they always regret it. I never had to deal with the bull of being a teenager. Okay, maybe I dealt with some of it, but nowhere near as much as my brothers have.

I don't look anymore, I sniff around. It's what I call passive looking. But I'm also not desperate. Because God forbid that there's no protection in bed, and I'm stuck with a "baby mama", I want to be able to provide. At the same time though, And some girls do approach a guy first. And sometimes you just get lucky. Like I did with my most recent relationship. The key is simple: if you get a positive vibe and they do too, there ya go!



RICKY5
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21 Sep 2012, 6:07 pm

equestriatola wrote:
I still have dreams that I am public and the people see me and scream "AAHH! CASEY ANTHONY!" or "AAHH! JERRY SANDUSKY!" and everyone runs away from me, leaving me all alone and heartbroken.


That is irrational and stupid. Let go of that fear.



equestriatola
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22 Sep 2012, 12:51 am

Sometimes.... it can be hard for me to let things go. But I will try my best on that front.


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RICKY5
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25 Sep 2012, 12:15 am

equestriatola wrote:
Sometimes.... it can be hard for me to let things go. But I will try my best on that front.


A couple of things you can do:

Dress in a coherent manner.

Don't wear sports jerseys when going on a date. It makes you look like a low-rent beta.

No white socks with dark shoes.

No white tennis shoes.

Get yourself fitted for clothing.

Don't wear baggy clothes that look like you just came out of a soup kitchen line. Wear a suit more often, if you are an office monkey for your work.

You want to convey that you have social status and/or money. Even if you don't have much money, it is easier to pull off than you would think.

Appeal to hypergamy.



equestriatola
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25 Sep 2012, 7:48 pm

Hypergamy?


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WantToHaveALife
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25 Sep 2012, 8:47 pm

i hate how women get a free pass for lacking confidence, being insecure but men do not