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ok i agree that men with aspergers have it harder.

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Stalk
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25 Aug 2012, 7:01 am

10x of everything

i wish i could stock up on vegetables.



Shau
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25 Aug 2012, 8:17 am

On the topic of it being harder for Asperguys than Aspergirls...

....most of the Aspergirls I've met that are at least presentable in appearance have had boyfriends, whereas the list of presentable Asperguys who have never even KISSED a girl before is a mile long.

...but, that's just anecdote.



Kurgan
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25 Aug 2012, 8:24 am

Shau wrote:
On the topic of it being harder for Asperguys than Aspergirls...

....most of the Aspergirls I've met that are at least presentable in appearance have had boyfriends, whereas the list of presentable Asperguys who have never even KISSED a girl before is a mile long.

...but, that's just anecdote.


But at least men don't have to go through those "ridicilous beauty standards", right? :roll: Any man can look like Hugh Jackman by lifting weights for two weeks, eating a regular "bread and butter diet" and without botox, professional hair stylists and surgery.



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25 Aug 2012, 8:41 am

Lol I'm not saying that would work, but there are far more ugly men with girlfriends than ugly women with boyfriends.



nessa238
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25 Aug 2012, 9:01 am

In my opinion Richard was too picky - the woman he met in the cafe liked him but he didn't find her attractive enough. He might be reasonable looking to the average person (not fanciable to me though) but he doesn't have the personality or social skills to get a stunning girlfriend in my opinion so he should have cut his losses and gone with the French lady who liked him and seemed a nice person. That would have been the logical thing to do and probably what I would have done in his position (if I was male). In this way he would have gained valuable relationship experience and possibly sex and then been in a far better position to get with a woman he fancied more (who fancied him) if she came along.



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25 Aug 2012, 10:11 am

nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion Richard was too picky - the woman he met in the cafe liked him but he didn't find her attractive enough. He might be reasonable looking to the average person (not fanciable to me though) but he doesn't have the personality or social skills to get a stunning girlfriend in my opinion so he should have cut his losses and gone with the French lady who liked him and seemed a nice person. That would have been the logical thing to do and probably what I would have done in his position (if I was male). In this way he would have gained valuable relationship experience and possibly sex and then been in a far better position to get with a woman he fancied more (who fancied him) if she came along.


I disagree. I don't think Richard should have gone out with the French lady if he was not into her because then he'd probably feel miserable later on. I think he was doing the right thing by considering his options. For him, the matchmaker system seems like a good start. It's getting him out in the world, but I believe it should be nothing more than a bridge for him to look for women by other means. I will agree however that Richard is picky in that he will not date any women outside of a five mile radius in his little English town. Had I been living in England, I'd be looking for women living or working in London.



nessa238
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25 Aug 2012, 10:16 am

MacDragard wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion Richard was too picky - the woman he met in the cafe liked him but he didn't find her attractive enough. He might be reasonable looking to the average person (not fanciable to me though) but he doesn't have the personality or social skills to get a stunning girlfriend in my opinion so he should have cut his losses and gone with the French lady who liked him and seemed a nice person. That would have been the logical thing to do and probably what I would have done in his position (if I was male). In this way he would have gained valuable relationship experience and possibly sex and then been in a far better position to get with a woman he fancied more (who fancied him) if she came along.


I disagree. I don't think Richard should have gone out with the French lady if he was not into her because then he'd probably feel miserable later on. I think he was doing the right thing by considering his options. For him, the matchmaker system seems like a good start. It's getting him out in the world, but I believe it should be nothing more than a bridge for him to look for women by other means. I will agree however that Richard is picky in that he will not date any women outside of a five mile radius in his little English town. Had I been living in England, I'd be looking for women living or working in London.


He had to go out on at least one date with her as that was how the programme worked and I think he liked her from her photo more than in person. I'm a great believer in a person cutting their cloth to suit their means. I found him very annoying - easily the most annoying person in the whole series, and thought he was lucky to find a woman willing to put up with him That's just me though. He had the personality of a smug Tory MP with no wit or humility whatsoever; a complete lack of self-knowledge in fact.



MacDragard
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25 Aug 2012, 10:27 am

nessa238 wrote:
MacDragard wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion Richard was too picky - the woman he met in the cafe liked him but he didn't find her attractive enough. He might be reasonable looking to the average person (not fanciable to me though) but he doesn't have the personality or social skills to get a stunning girlfriend in my opinion so he should have cut his losses and gone with the French lady who liked him and seemed a nice person. That would have been the logical thing to do and probably what I would have done in his position (if I was male). In this way he would have gained valuable relationship experience and possibly sex and then been in a far better position to get with a woman he fancied more (who fancied him) if she came along.


I disagree. I don't think Richard should have gone out with the French lady if he was not into her because then he'd probably feel miserable later on. I think he was doing the right thing by considering his options. For him, the matchmaker system seems like a good start. It's getting him out in the world, but I believe it should be nothing more than a bridge for him to look for women by other means. I will agree however that Richard is picky in that he will not date any women outside of a five mile radius in his little English town. Had I been living in England, I'd be looking for women living or working in London.


He had to go out on at least one date with her as that was how the programme worked and I think he liked her from her photo more than in person. I'm a great believer in a person cutting their cloth to suit their means. I found him very annoying - easily the most annoying person in the whole series, and thought he was lucky to find a woman willing to put up with him That's just me though. He had the personality of a smug Tory MP with no wit or humility whatsoever; a complete lack of self-knowledge in fact.


Sad truth, that's what happens when your mother is your best and only friend throughout your entire life.



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25 Aug 2012, 10:52 am

nessa238 wrote:
In my opinion Richard was too picky - the woman he met in the cafe liked him but he didn't find her attractive enough. He might be reasonable looking to the average person (not fanciable to me though) but he doesn't have the personality or social skills to get a stunning girlfriend in my opinion so he should have cut his losses and gone with the French lady who liked him and seemed a nice person. That would have been the logical thing to do and probably what I would have done in his position (if I was male). In this way he would have gained valuable relationship experience and possibly sex and then been in a far better position to get with a woman he fancied more (who fancied him) if she came

along.


It was a pickiness issue. He was looking for somethong very specific and she wasnt that person.

That said I dont think that itd be good to lead someone along and make them believe you likwd them until someone else shows up.


I do think that he needs to work on his relationship with his mother and do some research on healthy relationships(ot looked like he was on the program for her and not that interested in dating to me),



Kurgan
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25 Aug 2012, 11:41 am

Kaizer wrote:
Lol I'm not saying that would work, but there are far more ugly men with girlfriends than ugly women with boyfriends.


It these men are below 18, they're with the "cool crowd" in high school. If they're older than 18, they've got lots of money. I'd say the number of ugly men with more attractive girlfriends is roughly equal to the number of ugly women with more attractive boyfriends. Many insecure, but otherwise attractive men settle for uglier women because they fear being alone and thus choose the "safe option".



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28 Aug 2012, 4:28 pm

Men with Asperger's have it harder relative to being in charge and knowing what's going on. Women with Asperger's can be clueless in certain contexts, because whether it's sexist or not, being clueless fits part of the female gender role, so it's a little easier to fit in.

Women in general have it more difficult because there is more expected of them implicitly, whereas with men more is expected of them explicitly. At least when things are explicit there is less confusion. But for relationships, men have it more difficult because they have to understand the implicit rules. All this is true irrespective of Asperger's, but AS makes it harder.



nessa238
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28 Aug 2012, 4:33 pm

Mindslave wrote:
Men with Asperger's have it harder relative to being in charge and knowing what's going on. Women with Asperger's can be clueless in certain contexts, because whether it's sexist or not, being clueless fits part of the female gender role, so it's a little easier to fit in.

Women in general have it more difficult because there is more expected of them implicitly, whereas with men more is expected of them explicitly. At least when things are explicit there is less confusion. But for relationships, men have it more difficult because they have to understand the implicit rules. All this is true irrespective of Asperger's, but AS makes it harder.


I'm dying to know what these certain contexts are that women can be clueless in - please can you enlighten me?



bruinsy33
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28 Aug 2012, 6:03 pm

MacDragard wrote:
Okay, the problem with Richard is NOT aspergers.

The problem with Richard, which I bet is the problem with most aspie guys, is that his mother is driving his life. Because he's dependent on her and she's an overbearing mother, Richard has not developed into a mature man - something that is very problematic for a guy in his 30's. She raised him to be this nice, cleancut BOY who lives a sheltered life. This is the worst position ANY guy can be in, especially when it comes to meeting women and dating. He never learned how to go out and take risks or how to face sheer adversity, and I'm sorry but you can't blame aspergers from preventing him from at least trying to do that.
Many Aspie's do well in many facet's of life such as developing a satisfying career but it does seem to be the norm that the majority of Aspie men have difficulties in establishing a romantic relationship.Obtaining success in other areas of life is no guarantee of getting in that great relationship.It's kind of strange how many Aspie's can be so good at some things but inept at others ,that's the strokes,I guess.



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28 Aug 2012, 7:43 pm

That guy cracked me up.

"But not a w*ker..". Excellent timing.



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28 Aug 2012, 9:14 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
As for richard, I think he's a little high on the spectrum.....I def think I am a lot more NT than he is.Ia m impressed he lives on his own however(which i do not. It definitely does not seem his momis his life as someone else mentioned. ) I mean he ate his dates lunch lol
I also don't understand why his voice sounds like that of a 10 ur old girl.


Yes, what was up with that. Is that common for people with Aspergers? If I was like that I would get bullied to death. And more. Totally handicapped. I would've learned and never done it again.

Though the reason for it must be because I'm obsessing about sociology + 50 other things I've done/coincidences in my life that he hasn't. Not because I'm more NT and he's more autistic???

If I'm too annoying, ignore me.



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28 Aug 2012, 10:36 pm

Underscore wrote:
wtfid2 wrote:
As for richard, I think he's a little high on the spectrum.....I def think I am a lot more NT than he is.Ia m impressed he lives on his own however(which i do not. It definitely does not seem his momis his life as someone else mentioned. ) I mean he ate his dates lunch lol
I also don't understand why his voice sounds like that of a 10 ur old girl.


Yes, what was up with that. Is that common for people with Aspergers? If I was like that I would get bullied to death. And more. Totally handicapped. I would've learned and never done it again.

Though the reason for it must be because I'm obsessing about sociology + 50 other things I've done/coincidences in my life that he hasn't. Not because I'm more NT and he's more autistic???

If I'm too annoying, ignore me.
are you referring to his voice?


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