Don't you think that it might be better for you...

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young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:11 pm

njones0100 wrote:
Persevere, my friend.


Yeah I do.

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement.

It means a lot.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:12 pm

johnny77 wrote:
Like any thing elts in a relationship two very different people can work other times two very similar people can work. There are no hard and fast rules to human relation ships just vague generalities.


Yeah, that's what I thought too.

;-)



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:14 pm

LabPet wrote:
young_god (interesting username, btw), why are you asking us? Very fishy post. If it (quote) "matters not a jot" to you, then why are you asking us if we are m. or f? Instead of participating, you're just asking weird questions.


Eh, sorry for being weird.
I won't ask again.

I'm sorry if i offended you.

Just ignore me.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:18 pm

Wolfheart wrote:
LabPet wrote:
Since you've asked (& the Lab Pet is female), my reply is entirely subjective. Or rather physiological, I guess.
I am physically attracted to male neurotypicals. I do have a type. I cannot change this, nor would I wish to. It is that way.

To explain, I certainly have a rapport with Aspies - Wrong Planet Aspies are my friends. But for me, they are like brother/sister friends! It wouldn't be conceivable for me to mate with one, in so far as I know. I like older men and, for inexplicable reason(s), I like them uber neurotypical. Opposites attract? Well, maybe. But I do like those men with interests close to my own.


Oh dear, a moderator that doesn't support neurodiversity? You need to stop living in the mindset of NT and AS.

What does physical attraction have to do with a neurological state? The two have no correlation and you shouldn't be so quick to place people into two boxes, it's narrow minded and rigid. People on the spectrum are individuals and I think you are quite confused if you consider anyone on this forum a brother or sister as everyone has different values, physical traits, perspectives, views, beliefs and abilities defined by social conditioning or upbringing.



Sorry, I couldn't figure out if that answer was aimed at me.
Fair enough.

I didn't come here to bother anyone, just to get some answers.
I'm not looking for love. I'm not looking to expose anyone's knicker draw.

I guess this is not the right forum for me.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:22 pm

Nerdtopia wrote:
I refuse to date aspie men. Every single one I've met we're more low functioning than me and completely blind to other people's feelings. I know a woman who's husband is an aspie and like all the women I know who are in a couple with a male aspie, she is a very unhappy person. When she cries, all he says is: "there is water coming out of your eyes, but I don't know why"
I'm very sensitive with depressive tendencies and being with someone so blind to my feelings would be the end of me.
An aspie man dating an aspie woman imo is like the blind leading the blind.



This is a very potent answer to a question I am not sure I gave.


But thanks for opening up.

I think there might be many people that had problems with understanding your answer..

I suppose it is just not aspies that have difficulties in understanding relationships.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:24 pm

Kjas wrote:
The relationship that worked best for me was one in which he wasn't NT, but he wasn't aspie either, he was BAP.

Since you are asking for gender, I am a girl, by the way.

answer the OP.


I did not ask you specifically for your gender. It was just that one person.
I won't do it again. I can see it caused a whole amount of trouble.

I think I made a big mistake.
It shall not happen again.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:28 pm

JanuaryMan wrote:
I don't know. Your question is worded in a way that implies this experience has never been had.
I have gone out with plenty of city NT girls, I can tell you that it doesn't work for me, especially when from the UK or US.
There are a lot of expectations, lack of compromises and understanding on their part about men (expecting each to be the same, then complaining when they are not). This is more true with an Asperger's male. Some problems I have found:
*They think physical intimacy must lead to sex and think there is a problem with your anatomy or her if you do not want to "go there" simply for want of some minor physical intimacy.
*I've been expected to read minds. I've had varying success at this.
*An expectation of me to keep up with the guys their friends are dating.
*Lifestyle choices wishes of me that are out of my comfort zone or long term capability.
*And any that have accepted me regardless of the above have been as thick as 2 sheets of wood.

It's not without trying. And there is nothing particularly wrong with their expectations, if you were an NT city boy. But for all intents and purposes I'm an Aspie in the city and with that realization I am now tired of trying to play the NT game. I'm happier being single or waiting it out for someone who on a personal level can relate to me better. :)



Ok, I shall go back to the woodshed. Sorry for being so ignorant. I think I've been beaten down enough.

Let me go away and lick my wounds, and when I learn a bit more, maybe I shall ask a more intelligent question.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:29 pm

OlivG wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
People on the spectrum are individuals and I think you are quite confused if you consider anyone on this forum a brother or sister as everyone has different values, physical traits, perspectives, views, beliefs and abilities defined by social conditioning or upbringing.


Yet they are all autistic to some degree.

http://www.amazon.com/Field-Guide-Earth ... B004EPYUV2

This book explains the differences between the NT and AS neurology, and gives an idea why it is and will always be usually hard for the AS people to "succeed" or fluently communicate in the Neurotypical world due to the inherent neurological differences and their effects on the social life. I'd give up meeting NTs completely if it wasn't so hard to find AS groups in these more remote areas.


Thanks for the info. I will check it out. Cheers.



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26 Aug 2012, 2:32 pm

Glorifel wrote:
For me personally, my only fulfilling relationship was with another Aspie. I have not had luck with NTs and right now don't really want to try with an NT ever again. This way of thinking only came from my experience, not a preconceived bias. I recognize that different things work for different people and would neverr discourage another Aspie from dating a NT individual they liked.

G.



This is just such an honest answer, it was all I was looking for.
Thanks a lot.

Your words mean a lot to me.


Thanks.



young_god
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26 Aug 2012, 2:41 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
for me, it doesn't matter about the person's neurology to any degree like that. people are all over the map with their issues and strengths, whether they are NT or AS or other.


OH I am sorry I missed your answer.
You hit all the right spots.

I was not looking for a relationship, but you are amazing.
You give me faith.

I think you are the best.


I really like you!



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26 Aug 2012, 3:38 pm

young_god wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
for me, it doesn't matter about the person's neurology to any degree like that. people are all over the map with their issues and strengths, whether they are NT or AS or other.


OH I am sorry I missed your answer.
You hit all the right spots.

I was not looking for a relationship, but you are amazing.
You give me faith.

I think you are the best.


I really like you!

thank you, i do try.


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outofplace
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26 Aug 2012, 4:14 pm

I have never had a relationship with either, so my opinion is based more on personal analysis than anything else. I am borderline AS/ADHD and can usually get along with most NTs quite well. That being said, there is a communication barrier between me and most people because of my obsessive interests and speech patterns. I think that only an AS woman or an NT woman of extraordinary patience could ever deal with me in a long term relationship. It would probably be easier for me to relate to someone with mild AS though as I think they would have more patience for my oddness because of their oddness. I also tend to think that aspies need to learn each other and can't just intuitively connect like NTs can. An NT woman likely would not have the patience for this learning process whereas an aspie would because she would be doing the same thing I was. Thus, the connection between two aspies has the possibility of actually being stronger than an NT one if for no other reason than they will take the time to get to know each other intimately rather than fall into a superficial relationship based purely upon the emotions of the moment or sexual attraction.


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26 Aug 2012, 5:06 pm

young_god wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
I don't know. Your question is worded in a way that implies this experience has never been had.
I have gone out with plenty of city NT girls, I can tell you that it doesn't work for me, especially when from the UK or US.
There are a lot of expectations, lack of compromises and understanding on their part about men (expecting each to be the same, then complaining when they are not). This is more true with an Asperger's male. Some problems I have found:
*They think physical intimacy must lead to sex and think there is a problem with your anatomy or her if you do not want to "go there" simply for want of some minor physical intimacy.
*I've been expected to read minds. I've had varying success at this.
*An expectation of me to keep up with the guys their friends are dating.
*Lifestyle choices wishes of me that are out of my comfort zone or long term capability.
*And any that have accepted me regardless of the above have been as thick as 2 sheets of wood.

It's not without trying. And there is nothing particularly wrong with their expectations, if you were an NT city boy. But for all intents and purposes I'm an Aspie in the city and with that realization I am now tired of trying to play the NT game. I'm happier being single or waiting it out for someone who on a personal level can relate to me better. :)



Ok, I shall go back to the woodshed. Sorry for being so ignorant. I think I've been beaten down enough.

Let me go away and lick my wounds, and when I learn a bit more, maybe I shall ask a more intelligent question.


Hi, young_god. I think you took my answer a bit too personally and there isn't a need to make me look like the bad guy beating down on a hapless victim. It wasn't an attack but a post to let you know about my experience and personal opinion. I simply thought this was put across as an idea by someone who hasn't dated NT women, and it was in no way meant to be offensive. I was sharing my own experiences and it only covers me and no one else. It can get a little heated in L&D so it's best to develop a thick skin even when asking questions in here rather than playing a victim early. That doesn't mean you have to disregard everyone else it just means when you make suggestions or share opinions in a public place, others will do the same and you have to prepare for it. Lastly, welcome :) nice to discuss this with you.



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26 Aug 2012, 10:45 pm

Nerdtopia wrote:
I refuse to date aspie men. Every single one I've met we're more low functioning than me and completely blind to other people's feelings. I know a woman who's husband is an aspie and like all the women I know who are in a couple with a male aspie, she is a very unhappy person. When she cries, all he says is: "there is water coming out of your eyes, but I don't know why"I'm very sensitive with depressive tendencies and being with someone so blind to my feelings would be the end of me.
An aspie man dating an aspie woman imo is like the blind leading the blind.


:lol:

seriously and that never happens!

Her husband is Jerry Seinfeld :D


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27 Aug 2012, 12:17 am

young_god wrote:
JanuaryMan wrote:
I don't know. Your question is worded in a way that implies this experience has never been had.
I have gone out with plenty of city NT girls, I can tell you that it doesn't work for me, especially when from the UK or US.
There are a lot of expectations, lack of compromises and understanding on their part about men (expecting each to be the same, then complaining when they are not). This is more true with an Asperger's male. Some problems I have found:
*They think physical intimacy must lead to sex and think there is a problem with your anatomy or her if you do not want to "go there" simply for want of some minor physical intimacy.
*I've been expected to read minds. I've had varying success at this.
*An expectation of me to keep up with the guys their friends are dating.

*Lifestyle choices wishes of me that are out of my comfort zone or long term capability.
*And any that have accepted me regardless of the above have been as thick as 2 sheets of wood.

It's not without trying. And there is nothing particularly wrong with their expectations, if you were an NT city boy. But for all intents and purposes I'm an Aspie in the city and with that realization I am now tired of trying to play the NT game. I'm happier being single or waiting it out for someone who on a personal level can relate to me better. :)



Ok, I shall go back to the woodshed. Sorry for being so ignorant. I think I've been beaten down enough.

Let me go away and lick my wounds, and when I learn a bit more, maybe I shall ask a more intelligent question.


There was nothing wrong with the question!The areas that are highlighted are areas I found to be problematic for me in relations with most nts. Here my thought on this is that a aspie girl might understand you better but any relation requires work and compromise. Also there are less women with aspergers and there for not enough to go around. :cry: I was told I wasn't being supportive with the death of of my wife's father when I thought I was doing it well. A woman with aspergers would understand that holding her hand and giving hugs holding her till she went to sleep is being supportive even if you couldn't think of what to say. Or at lest I think they would understand it.



young_god
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27 Aug 2012, 11:32 am

JanuaryMan wrote:

Hi, young_god. I think you took my answer a bit too personally and there isn't a need to make me look like the bad guy beating down on a hapless victim.


Hey man, if you are a man ;-) ? j/k

I didn't mean to play the victim, bit sensitive that day/hour.
I feel fine now. Sorry if I did take it too personally.


It's nice talking to you too. At this level of deep personal stuff, where people don't really know each other, I guess things can get confused.

Anyway, I put you on my 'friends' list. So no hard feelings from me.


Cheers.