as a gay guy I have to say that in all fairness it is probably easier for gay men in general to get *sex* than it is for straight people to do so, but it's much, much harder for us to have relationships.
first, narrow your dating pool by 90%, and remain unsure for your entire life whether asking someone out outside of 10 or so designated gay socializing areas in your entire state is going to get you punched in the nose. second, make sure more than half of the remaining 10% are too scared, too religious, or not sure about themselves enough to even involve themselves in dating, or if they admit it to themselves, they only occasionally have anonymous sex in private, but aren't willing to deal with the social repercussions of being in a same-sex relationship in public.
third, imagine that instead of being encouraged, bought gifts, and so on when you *do* announce your relationship to the world, people hide their children from you, your parents cry, and you will have to leave the country to get the same legal rights. my mom threatened to kill herself when I came out. my dad signed a petition that later became a state law preventing me and other gay people in my state from ever adopting children, and threatened to cut me off completely if he found out I was dating in college.
on the other hand, my brother (also an aspie, but straight) showed off pictures of *his* girlfriend at a family reunion and everyone tried to get him to bring her next time. if he got engaged to her several dozen people would shower them with home appliances, money, and praise. I'm not even sure my immediate family would come to my wedding at all. if I put a wedding picture on the wall in my office, I would have to also expect that some, possibly a majority of my coworkers would stop speaking to me entirely, and here in Arkansas I could very realistically lose a job in Little Rock, or be physically attacked in many of the smaller, more conservative communities. I dated a guy who had an ex who was chased out of town by a literal lynch mob. to make things extra fun you can't be sure if the police in any given area will keep you safe or participate in beating you up.
my brother's girlfriend stays in the guest room at my parents' house. my mom bakes cake when she comes over. I have to lie about where I'm going to even use the car to go meet another gay guy for a date, and while on that date we have to pretend it is *not* a date the entire time we're in public just to be sure no one spits in our food or attacks us.
I'm sorry, but easy-to-get-laid-at gay clubs that well over half the gay community in any given state are afraid to be seen in do not make up for death threats, religious counseling you're forced into as a teenager (a friend of mine was molested by his "ex-gay" counselor), and all the rest of it that we have to put up with.
it's easier to get laid, probably especially for aspies because internet hook-up culture is so prevalent among gay people and this is highly ritualized and fairly straightforward. everything else (the important stuff) is just as hard, with the added difficulties of usually having no support system and even if *you* have a decent support group and accepting family, most of the people you will be dating have grown up significantly more scarred, with less previous relationship experience, and so on.
27 Aug 2012, 11:11 am
