NT friendship with aspie wanted

Post Reply New Topic

I'm thinking this is more the case. A lot of times in my case, I'll like, really avoid trying for a girlfriend, just because I feel my life is too out of order to let a girl into it, if that makes sense. So I'd do other avoidy kinda behavior. Loveshyness.

So it could be like, you could call him, try to talk to him forever and ever, to try to get him to open up and he probably still could have a wall built up preventing friendship out of a loveshyness kinda thing. In that case, the limiting factor in your friendship is more or less him.

I do not know if this is romantic or not, but since you seem so interested in this man for some reason then maybe it is on some level. Even if it's not romantic, another problem is it's hard to know what exactly a female means by befriending you, in my case, if a guy asked me "Do you know anything fun to do around here" it'd be just that, him asking for entertainment suggestions. A girl asked me that, and it meant she wanted to have a one night stand with me (serious) so it's hard to gauge things like that. Obviously there's the other problem of the "friendzone" and in my case, I'm NEVER in the friendzone anymore because I pretty much avoid talking to women, and/or my conversations with them are dumb and they never talk to me again.

On the extreme flip side, he might see YOU as a stalker type person and you could be completely wrong in your interpretation of social cues and could be just having what I call an "Aspie moment" in relating to people. I mean, really, what would happen if the roles were reversed, and someone posted "So there's this girl that walks her dog on my street and I think she's really special but she keeps avoiding me, what do I do?" That type of thread would immediately illicit responses more or less calling the guy a creeper.

But this is my assessment, good luck I guess.

When you see him out next, strap a dildo on [over your clothes] , pretend to hump his butt, and chase him down the street laughing like a maniac.

Its a good icebreaker that creates light humour.... always works for me

The last post was too random and totally inappropriate--so just go away "surfman".

I will reply on the incredible, insightful and helpful posts before that, though, from 1000knives, katzefrau, blammo, aspie0taku and evy7: I truly appreciate all your comments regarding this issue. I am going to ask some questions again and see what he says, but will leave it alone this time if he does not respond. I don't want him to perceive me as a stalker. I also don't want him to think that because he has AS he shouldn't/can't have friends. (don't want to give up on him).

See what happens. Obviously friendship is two sided, and it's very hard/impossible to just make someone be friends with you. So the best thing I guess is, leave the door open for him, but don't try to force him through the door. Good luck.

i will point out as an aspie. i have many friends that are girls... all of them are in fact except one. i think he may be showing you that much attention because he is trying to learn. or because you are the most interesting thing on the street. i often look at girls just because they are there and make them uncomfortable. because im not attractive and i normally do this to girls not interested in me. when i do this to my friends they also feel uncomfortable though.... im not sure why. but his attention to you is probably not meant to be affectionate nor mean. perhaps he is trying to decide what to do. your friendliness may be coming across as flirting. ik that all of my friendliness comes across as flirting. but as an aspie he gets peoples motives. you want to be his friend ma bye, but you have already expressed interest in more than that. so while you say you want to just be friends you already have shown interest in him. and so he is confused as much by you. as you are by him. i think that you should continue to be polite. and kind. but in all probability as long as he has a gf he wont talk to you. but after that he may wish too. so don't burn any bridges. and remember any "affection" he shows to you, is probably just, for lack of a better word, recon. or he is simple thinking about you and wondering about social things. i mean its just something hes doing. i would do this for someone i hate or love.

so don't give up hope but don't confront him either. he is still interested obviously. but in what way its impossible to tell

It depends... to me he seems extremely shy.
Must admit though his behaviour certainly is questionable.
Hmmm... hard to say if the "girlfriend" is a cover up... but it's possible if he's around your house and staring...
Sorry that I can't offer any advice.