Speaking of weight

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I have seen this quite alot, guys putting down girls because of their appearances because they want to get into their pants. Since they usually try that with girls that are a little overweight (or just have... let's say unevenly distributed fat deposits around their lower back), wear glasses, ect., I guess the reasoning behind it is this: They figured the girl usually does not get the amount of attention other girls do, so by mentioning the imperfections the girl is obviously aware of, they try to even further lower their self-esteem, with the goal of having them think: "You should date me, as I am your only hope to date someone. I am generous enough to lower my standards so you can be with an awesome guy like me!" I've seen it work a couple of times. Interestingly, most guys try that with women that are obviously smarter than them, so I guess they want to make clear from the beginning that even though they are dumb, they are in control because "they got the looks". While you could say that the women who fall for that pretty much had it coming, I don't think that this holds true. Women are more focused on their appereance than me, and define their beauty by how they look. To me, it is simply a gesture of dominance, to clearfiy "who's the man".

You're right about the woman being smarter in my case. There's different types of smartness though - mine is intellectual whereas he is emotionally smart and more secure in his self-image.
I have turned the tables on him though and started insulting his lack of intellect, to show him exactly how it feels to have your 'weak point' highlighted in a derogatory manner as I got sick to death of being kind and respectful towards him and receiving the opposite back. It incenses me that being a nice person can be seen as weakness as it's so obviously a strength given that the world is such a hard place to deal with and usually ends up breaking or corrupting most people to some degree.

It has happened to me on all my dates. In fact, in one ocasion one guy was using a lot of "negs" to low my self-esteem and, as I was not reacting how he expected, he began with the menaces. It was my first date ever so it was a very bad precedent.

If it's not your weight it will be other thing, they will always find something to attack you. I remember I was 21 when I received the "weight neg". I have been always slim but curvy, and I was with this guy on a date and he touched my hip and said "you have fat here, you have to lose it". Quite funny because I was slim and he was overweight.

I don't date anymore, if dating is, per se, a kind of game, I can't fight against TWO games, the original one and the PUA game.

But sure there are great guys out there, is the "date dirty game" that I hate so much.

My mother-in-law said something to me that sounded like one of those neg things. "Does he [her son] not mind that you're so big?" I bet some parents do this to their kids, unfortunately.

I can tell you from first hand experience that this is truly miserable, because you grow up thinking you are not good enough for anyone at anything... after all, you seem to be not even good enough for your own parents. While I think it is very good to encourage your children to face their flaws and work against them, being reminded of one's imperfections constantly and directly is nothing someone should be put through, as there comes the day where they think it is true.

I find it completely illogical as if a person is nice and respectful to me I want to see more of them but if they say unpleasant things I will dislike them and seek a way to either get back at them or avoid them altogether. Ongoing negativity will ultimately drive a person away in my opinion and even if a person tolerates it, resentment and anger will be building up inside them all the time and this could ultimately come out in an explosive way if the situation occurs over a long period of time and the person is bottling it all up.

I would like to add one thought to this thread. The OP mentioned a man who came up to her and - uninvited - mentioned her weight. That is out of line, whatever his motives, and none of his business.

However... to me, it is a completely different thing when someone is asked for their opinion. If someone says to me, "Do I look fat?", then I assume they want to know, and they want an honest answer. And no matter what I answer, that doesn't necessarily say anything about my attitude toward anyone who is fat. So "Do I look attractive?" would be a different question, and the answer to one could not be used to predict the answer to the other.

If there are women who don't want to be involved with a guy who will give them an honest answer, that's their choice, obviously - but answering a question, no matter how unwelcome you might find the answer, is not at all the same as volunteering information to an acquaintance or a stranger, or even a close friend or partner.

A: That's a sh***y neg.

B: He's doing it wrong.

You don't neg someone like "You know, if you had a nose and a boob job, I may let you blow me" you neg them as in "You know, a pretty girl like you should take better care of her nails" or "A smart girl like you shouldn't be seen reading Harry Potter in public". It's meant as a backhanded compliment, not an insult. "I love that scarf, my grandmother has the exact same one!" is another example.

Also, negging is not something that you're supposed to use on every type of woman. It's something reserved for those women who 9/10 men would fawn over and desperately seek validation from. By "negging" her IE showing that you are not intimidated by her social status/beauty etc, you balance out the power dynamic by acting in a manner that the person isn't accustomed to. It's similar to how you show a girl who gets hardly any attention tons of it, and fawn over her to get her.

@TM most of the insults were backhanded compliments until I started ignoring him after him asking if I'd gained weight, which was the first direct thing he'd said which was rude. He got kind of flustered and went in that direction.

I guess if I'm getting loads of BROS negging me, then I'm doing something right. It's hard to read at first, and I'm left wondering why someone would try to disguise a statement that is critical of me as a compliment, or why the person would bother speaking to me at all if they find something about me lacking. Whatever the intention is, it leaves me wanting to avoid them. And if they're as hard to avoid as this guy has been, it's hard not to call him a creep or tell him he's making me feel uneasy, in front of the group. That seems to really alienate these types, and I really hate doing that to anyone.

Guys fawn over me sometimes, but that's really not something I have any control over. It's not flattering, either, but it's less bothersome than someone going out of their way to put me down.

I think this stuff would've worked on me when I was 15.

But when I was 15 I was busy being super enormous and only having guys(and girls) openly mock me for my weight. After that I was pretty uncomfortable with anyone making comments about my body, even after I'd lost all of the weight. That extended to my clothing and appearance etc.

Hey ValentineWiggin, a pretty lady like you shouldn't be so clever. What, do you read books and think for yourself as well?

TM DID I DO IT RIGHT? IS VALENTINEWIGGIN GOING TO MARRY ME NOW?