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Monogamy vs Polyamory, Hit & Quit or Love & Commit?

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blueroses
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20 Oct 2012, 10:49 am

I think it completely depends on the individual. Different strokes for different folks, as they say.



rosemund
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20 Oct 2012, 12:41 pm

smudge wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Since many of us don't do well with change and thrive on routine - wouldn't one constant partner be ideal?


EXACTLY!


Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.



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20 Oct 2012, 1:52 pm

rosemund wrote:
Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.

Interesting that you would say "limit yourself"... All I know for sure is, I'd hate to be in a relationship like you propose - where one man (such as myself) is simply not "enough". That's a pretty swift kick in the self-esteem.



MXH
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20 Oct 2012, 2:02 pm

BlueMax wrote:
rosemund wrote:
Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.

Interesting that you would say "limit yourself"... All I know for sure is, I'd hate to be in a relationship like you propose - where one man (such as myself) is simply not "enough". That's a pretty swift kick in the self-esteem.


pretty much. If its not a relationship and just a one nighter then i dont care. But a relationship where im not enough then may as well not have it to start with



Taverson
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20 Oct 2012, 5:14 pm

BlueMax wrote:
While I don't have high hopes this thread will remain on topic for long, I'll give it a shot;

Since many of us don't do well with change and thrive on routine - wouldn't one constant partner be ideal?


I always find myself agreeing with your posts in L&D. 8O

In regards to your other post about being in a relationship where you're not enough.....

I always find myself agreeing with your posts in L&D. 8O

I wonder why we think almost the exact same. Perhaps similar upbringings? Who knows..


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20 Oct 2012, 5:19 pm

BlueMax wrote:
rosemund wrote:
Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.

Interesting that you would say "limit yourself"... All I know for sure is, I'd hate to be in a relationship like you propose - where one man (such as myself) is simply not "enough". That's a pretty swift kick in the self-esteem.


It was his idea, not mine. The others we had involved, were women. I only went out on a single date, in ten years, with another man. I wasn't craving more male attention. I'm bisexual, but I didn't want a full time girlfriend, so the single guy and multiple female scenario worked.



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20 Oct 2012, 6:38 pm

I wouldn't mind having a gf who is bi who has another gf who's bi who also likes me and we can all share eachother evenly.


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Last edited by AspieOtaku on 22 Oct 2012, 2:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

DogsWithoutHorses
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20 Oct 2012, 9:57 pm

BlueMax wrote:
rosemund wrote:
Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.

Interesting that you would say "limit yourself"... All I know for sure is, I'd hate to be in a relationship like you propose - where one man (such as myself) is simply not "enough". That's a pretty swift kick in the self-esteem.


That's why it's not the right kind of relationship for you.
But other people are different, feel differently, need/want different things and so chose other relationship styles.

One way isn't "better" universally than another way.


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20 Oct 2012, 10:01 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
That's why it's not the right kind of relationship for you.
But other people are different, feel differently, need/want different things and so chose other relationship styles.

One way isn't "better" universally than another way.

Nor did I imply that it was, other than it sure wouldn't work for me. *I* need one person with a deep, committed relationship - others have needs that are purely sexual that can't be satisfied by one person... I imagine those kinds of relationships are easier to find... there's always lots of people after sex.



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20 Oct 2012, 10:02 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
rosemund wrote:
Operative word being "many". I don't have the issues with routine, to the extent that I feel I need to limit myself to a single partner. Plus, again, you guys are assuming that you cannot have a constant partner in a polyamorous relationship. You can, and ideally, you do. Personally, I liked poly for many reasons, some of them being I could detach myself for awhile, but the other person didn't get left alone, if I wasn't able to deal with sensory stimulation and they wanted sex, they didn't get deprived, and since I really hate cooking, they had someone else to go to for the domesticity fulfillment.

Interesting that you would say "limit yourself"... All I know for sure is, I'd hate to be in a relationship like you propose - where one man (such as myself) is simply not "enough". That's a pretty swift kick in the self-esteem.


That's why it's not the right kind of relationship for you.
But other people are different, feel differently, need/want different things and so chose other relationship styles.

One way isn't "better" universally than another way.


But why is it the right relationship for you? I'd love to know the psychology behind it instead of the usual "It's because I like it" type response you get from most people about their preferences. I want to know why on a in-depth level as opposed to a broad answer.

I'd like to hear from everyone on this thread who prefers this type of relationship. Give me an in-depth answer to why..


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20 Oct 2012, 10:13 pm

I don't think any one way is right for everyone.

I don't have any interest in monogamy, but obviously that doesn't work for everyone. That sort of relationship tends to make me feel really unhappy and I don't think it's healthy for me.

I don't think it's all about the sex for everyone, either.


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DogsWithoutHorses
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20 Oct 2012, 10:16 pm

BlueMax wrote:
DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
That's why it's not the right kind of relationship for you.
But other people are different, feel differently, need/want different things and so chose other relationship styles.

One way isn't "better" universally than another way.

Nor did I imply that it was, other than it sure wouldn't work for me. *I* need one person with a deep, committed relationship - others have needs that are purely sexual that can't be satisfied by one person... I imagine those kinds of relationships are easier to find... there's always lots of people after sex.


except you're still saying that people who chose other arrangements are just interested in easy shallow sex, like monogamy has a monopoly on deep twu wuv


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BlueMax
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20 Oct 2012, 10:21 pm

DogsWithoutHorses wrote:
Except you're still saying that people who chose other arrangements are just interested in easy shallow sex, like monogamy has a monopoly on deep twu wuv

It's fairly obvious I have a hard time believing it's the same level of love and commitment... I've known some people in "poly" relationships... they love the heck out of one - the others were merely "toys" that can come and go without much sense of loss. Heck, my friend had two "husbands" and a "wife" all under the same roof... only one man was an absolute must-have - the other man and woman eventually faded away.



rosemund
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21 Oct 2012, 10:59 am

BlueMax wrote:
It's fairly obvious I have a hard time believing it's the same level of love and commitment... I've known some people in "poly" relationships... they love the heck out of one - the others were merely "toys" that can come and go without much sense of loss. Heck, my friend had two "husbands" and a "wife" all under the same roof... only one man was an absolute must-have - the other man and woman eventually faded away.


That is your experience with poly, despite not having ever been in that type of relationship yourself. Personally, I love how you discount my relationship by implying it was something I instigated (when it wasn't) and that it was for purely sexual reasons, even after I mentioned the portion about domesticity. At the time. I worked ft, went to school ft, and had a young child. Having the stamina and interest in sex at all, took a lot of effort, much less playing at domestic goddess (which I don't like when I do have more time).