Aspergers & Love

Post Reply New Topic

In that case then, I don't know how to help you. Sorry.

(Meaning I can't interpret it, not that anything is going badly for you).

Since she has never really had a relationship she may just be afraid she won't be good at it. Ask her how she feels about the gifts. Are they overwhelmingly? Does she understand why you give them to her? She may not understand what they mean. If she gets close until people come up she may be trying it out but doesn't want to be laughed at by them or asked questions. You need to ask her direct question. Do you want to go bowling with me Friday at 7. Ask if she wants to meet you or have you pick her up. Don't go for the kiss for a while though. If she is trying to figure this out you are going to need have to move at quarter speed. She told you that you can ask questions. Maybe that is her telling you she wants you to. And she may not be asking you questions because you didn't tell her to

Since she has never really had a relationship she may just be afraid she won't be good at it. Ask her how she feels about the gifts. Are they overwhelmingly? Does she understand why you give them to her? She may not understand what they mean. If she gets close until people come up she may be trying it out but doesn't want to be laughed at by them or asked questions. You need to ask her direct question. Do you want to go bowling with me Friday at 7. Ask if she wants to meet you or have you pick her up. Don't go for the kiss for a while though. If she is trying to figure this out you are going to need have to move at quarter speed. She told you that you can ask questions. Maybe that is her telling you she wants you to. And she may not be asking you questions because you didn't tell her to

Good stuff.

What kinds of things do Aspie girls like to hear? Give me some advice.

I am NT... My boyfriend is AS... So my advice on how to progress is based on my knowledge on of dating someone who is.

However I really think it safe to assume that Aspies in generalare just like anyone else as for conversations. It is just how they seem to react. You may say the sweetest thing in the world and it may have made her heart melt but she could give you a blank stare and make you wonder if she was unhappy about it. Just ask a lot of questions about how she feels and remember how she looks when feeling that way. Then you will always know how she is feeling. I would have said my boyfriend was expressionless. Now that I know his subtitles I would think anyone who said he was expressionless was crazy. He is pretty Antinated lol

My advice would be to show your love more non-verbally, like.. just express what you feel inside in ways that she can plainly see and she'll respond to it and then things will move more smoothly. Just my advice.

She probably doesn't know what to say. I wouldn't fault her for it. You can always try the "I would appreciate you saying thank you after you receive a gift to acknowledge it" in a nice tone.

Chatting with her now and she can't put into words how she feels about me.

A video on emotions and alexithymia in Autism which I think you really need to watch -
http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/video-dr-tony-attwood-autism-and-identifying-emotional-feelings-33993843

I think asking her how she feels about you is going to be too difficult for her to answer - or she may need a lot of processing time to do so.

Maybe it is better to ask her how she expresses it when she likes someone? Does she simply like to be around them? Does she like to talk to them? Does she prefer to touch them? Does she prefer to do things for them? Or does she like to give them gifts? Or does she like to do activites with you?

She may be ecpressing herself to you already by simply spending time around you (quality time) which is how some of us show that we like someone. Or she may be expressed that she likes you by doing activites with you. Or maybe by having conversations that are detail oriented or intellectual in nature. Many of us bond by doing these kinds of things instead of the more traditional gifts, dates, touching and compliments that NT's seem to prefer.

That question would be difficult for her to answer because she may not be skilled in explaining it in NT ways. Just because she can't doesn't mean she is not aware. You sort of put her on the spot. Although my boyfriend can describe what he feels and why when explaining something to me. He can't always when put on the spot. Try a series of questions... Do you like talking to me? Playing games? When we hug? Do you want to go bowling? Would you be comfortable if I held your hand? Just tell her.... I realize we may do some things differently but it is ok with me. I want to understand because I just don't know how it is for you and I really like you a lot and I would really like a relationship with you where we are more than just friends. I want to be your boyfriend. I understand that is not something you have had a lot of experience with and I want to take it slowly with you. I just need to know if you would be interested in trying?

I made the first move with my husband after we had been dating for two months. I wanted him and it was very simple for me.

Things she has written me in chat:

"I really care for everything you have done for me. I have never had a friend that did this much for me"

"I really care about you so much"

"I wish I new how to tell you how I show someone that I really like someone"

"My parents don't know about us at all. I'm too afraid to tell them."

"You have been more of a best friend then my first best friend has."

"I will never get tired of you and I wont ever forget about you."

"I like when someone hugs me once I get to know them like you."

"It's hard for me to explaine some of the feelings I have for you. I have always been that way."

"I do have feelings for you,"

"I love that you care about me more then anything."

"I do like you."

"I really love being with you."

"I also have a hard time Explaining about things."

"I won't ever get sick of you."

"I have never had anyone go to this much work that wanted to be with me."

"I really love having someone else to talk about things to besides my parents."

"I really enjoy being able to chat with you.."

"It just scared me that you cared about that much."

"that you care about me. I have never thought that I would have someone care about me. I mean care about me like you do.:

So, in a nutshell, how am I doing? What is she trying to say?

Sounds like she really likes you. She just hasn't gone through all of the learning steps of romance. My 13 year old is more advanced with girls than she is with men. That is not a put down at all. There are two parenting styles... You either shelter them or throw them out there and help patch up the pieces. Sounds like her parents are shelters. Offer to talk to them with her. Let them know you are aware of the challenges and you are sure they are concerned about you taking advantage of her. Tell them all the things you like about her and let them know you want to be her good friend and do more with her but also want to move at a speed she and they are comfortable with. I have found when you express understanding of other people's concerns they are more receptive. Tell them about WP and the things that you have learned. If the subject of sex should come up. Assure them that you understand this is not something that will be happening soon but you hope that should you two find yourself in a long term committed relationship that sex will be part of it. Be honest. And tell them the reasons she is worth you efforts.

Sounds like she really likes you. She just hasn't gone through all of the learning steps of romance. My 13 year old is more advanced with girls than she is with men. That is not a put down at all. There are two parenting styles... You either shelter them or throw them out there and help patch up the pieces. Sounds like her parents are shelters. Offer to talk to them with her. Let them know you are aware of the challenges and you are sure they are concerned about you taking advantage of her. Tell them all the things you like about her and let them know you want to be her good friend and do more with her but also want to move at a speed she and they are comfortable with. I have found when you express understanding of other people's concerns they are more receptive. Tell them about WP and the things that you have learned. If the subject of sex should come up. Assure them that you understand this is not something that will be happening soon but you hope that should you two find yourself in a long term committed relationship that sex will be part of it. Be honest. And tell them the reasons she is worth you efforts.

the fact i've always been single, makes me feel like beating up a girl's boyfriend out of jealousy and anger, frustration