Loving someone warts and all; imperfections. Thoughts?

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You can think that. We have been together quite a while now (more then 18 months).

I find his faults compliment his positives which I haven't listed giving him a well rounded personality which I think it just perfectly him. Some of his faults are my personal preference, some I don't like by themselves but even the parts of his personality which I may not like, I would never change. Part of loving someone is taking off the rose coloured glasses and seeing the person for everything that person is. I would never again settle or just tolerate parts of a person (I have with ex's and that never ends well) and I don't love him despite these things, as that is saying I would change him. I love him including these things. They offer him a well rounded personality and the compliment lots of his qualities as well as my own. An example is that he may be really self critical but that means he can understand why I hate myself and have anorexia nervosa with buleimic tendencies. He is a very empathethic person and great listener I can talk to him about it rationally without judgement and he only offers compassion back. Faults don't have to be a bad thing. They can compliment and make the person more well rounded. I think my boyfriend is a perfect example of himself.

Depends on the flaws

I'm affected by a previous relationship
so those flaws are now still unacceptable to me
I developed an allergy
they wear off slowly
my affectation is now a flaw
they are like virus's
contagions

And now 3 yrs into aspieland
I'm okay with stuff that
was previously unacceptable
When I was in full NT emulation mode

So essentially warts and flaws are a subjective experience for most creatures
maybe even non mammals

Desperation probably comes into it too.... if your shagging a few people at once, dropping off the least favourite is probably only natural eh...

My personal rejection of others regarding love is many faceted, and is less about them, and more about myself.

Most of my relationships have been with crazies and alcoholics, so you could say I'm flaw friendly

I know that the more you love someone, the more their "flaws" become beloved "quirks"... those personality traits that are as much a part of the person as their strengths. I do... or did, I suppose.

...some people don't see it that way - some see any imperfection as abrasive flaws that eventually create total revulsion.

I would go with the because.
Those traits are just as important, are just as included as why you love someone. Even traits that others would consider a drawback can be very attrcative and cute to another - even traits that "drive you up the wall" on a frequent basis are traits that you love. They make them who you they are. You do not get to "pick and choose" which traits you like and which traits you don't - real love doesn't work like that. You love them as a person, and everything about them - or not at all.

You may b*tch and complain about it being otherwise, but deep down for lasting relationships, that's usually how it is.

I love what you say here. I think this is really poignant and makes a lot of sense. I find that I agree with you, that lasting love probably can't be otherwise.

Like I said about "flaws" becoming "beloved quirks". They're part of the package!

I think also, to love someone deeply is to love their core human vulnerability, their very being.

Have you ever noticed new lovers often show one another pictures of themselves as children? Children are in their very essence totally themselves. I think it says a lot about love.
How to love someone is to love the essence of them, their frailty and unique being.

The personal insults have been removed from this thread. I don't want to see a repeat.

I don't find this believable. That someone would love me with my flaws. Usually I make friends easily, but then once my quirks come out, they leave. I don't expect it to be any different in a romantic relationship. So now I hope to work myself to the point of perfection in everything ever, then I will be lovable. That's how it works, right?

Pretty much, 1000Knives. Pretty much.

I'm in the "flaws are just cute quirks" club too, but unfortunately the ladies around here want Johnny Depp lol.

There are people that have flaws and they are loved, they are considered cute people with cute quirks, and then there are other people that have the same flaws (or even less complicated flaws) and they are unloved.

Last time I cared about "flaws", someone told me that a guy I liked very much was going to get married to a woman that was very, very, VERY different from him. I know this woman since 1994 so I know what I'm saying. I know her flaws crashed with the personality of her boyfriend. I still can't understand that relationship. I suppose not all people who get married want someone similar.

So there are a lot of factors playing with our possibilities to find a partner, not only our flaws.

Thanks for explaining it, but I don't understand why you don't get to pick and choose what to like and what not to like. You have that choice about everything else in life, so why not this?

I'm still not convinced that a person really loves someone because of their flaws ("flaws" as identified by that person themselves). It seems more likely to me that they love them for some other reasons, but accept them as a complete package and later rationalize that acceptance as liking. But what do I know about such things? I wish there was a way to test this experimentally, but that doesn't seem likely.

Alternatively, we might be defining "flaws" differently. If you mean "things that would be flaws (= negative traits) to most people, but are positive traits to me" then that makes sense. ("Overweight" is a good example - most consider that a negative, but a few consider it a positive.) But if you mean "traits that are negative to me" then that makes no sense at all. That implies "I would love him less if he did not have certain traits that I dislike".

I accept people in general for who they are so in a relationship I would do the same. I kind of feel like I have more flaws than positive traits though so not so sure others really accept me so I don't know that i ever would find a lasting relationship.

If the flaw is autism
loving them is inherently very difficult
due to lack of reciprocating gestures
Autism inhibits loving

If the flaw is psychopathy
many may love you
till you get caught out

Depends on what one is prepared to accept as imperfections. Mostly people associate it with physical aspects. If someone said they are prepared to disrespect me, in more ways than one, not caring about my happiness or well being, well...then by default I would have to be pretty messed up to love that person. But anything physical, would be much easier to accept. Except people who don't brush their teeth. That would put me off instantly.

You could choose if this were a logical process - but love is not logical.
Love is anything but logical.

For most normal relationships and most people who fall in love - it is conditional.
When the relationship and love is conditional - what you say is true - for those types of people, it is "despite".

But most people aren't aiming for despite. Most will settle for it in the end, but most aren't aiming for it.