Dating/Relationship standards too high?

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Same here.

Regarding standards...they are actually too low!

If you look at the poverty areas...just acting like a hard man and swearing a lot can get you attracted to not so nice looking woman (these pretending guys are ugly too), and will have sex with them from that basis alone!

I don't like the idea of dating as it's very cliché and forced into our heads that it's THE thing to do....

I think the best relationships comes from friendships really...hang around with people, if you have a common interest....ask them if they want to be your partner (well...we say "Boyfriend/Girlfriend" but Partner is what it is). Too bad we have to force ourselves onto others who won't feel the same because you didn't get to know them in your life properly.

My parents are together since my dad hung out with my mum's brother (Uncle)...and they were good friends, my dad just happened to take a shine to my mum (so his friend's sister basically). It does happen...and that is how we should see potential partners. If you have a friend you get on with well, why not get to know their families also? Who knows? They might have a cousin/sister or a close aged niece (if their bro/sister is many years older then them) attracted to you! (obviously around your age)

I agree with what you said about relationships and friendships. Kyuuchan and I were friends for about a month before I asked her out. Our relationship lasted for less than a year before she broke up with me... or more accurately, "friend-zoned" me. I was hurt but she did make it obvious to me that she DID care about me and considered me a good friend, so even though it took some time I was able to accept it. We are very close friends now, and I think that I may have a shot with her again down the road, even though right now she's dating someone else. The guy she's with not is someone I consider to be a friend, and he's a really nice guy and isn't the jealous type. In fact, both he and Kyuuchan are perfectly aware of my feelings for her and the love triangle situation we're in, but I told him that I trusted him and that I was happy being just friends with the both of them.

He actually told me he and Kyuuchan are in it merely for fun, they don't want things to get too serious because he's graduating in spring and will be moving out of Laramie before next fall, and he can't really do long-distance so he plans to end it with Kyuuchan when that happens. Kyuuchan knows this but is happy to enjoy the way things are now. However, it seems my acceptance of their relationship in spite of my own feelings has helped Kyuuchan see me in a new light, and it seems we're closer now than were when she first broke it off, even despite her new relationship. I'm not going to rush into things when he does leave, but I do plan to go visit Kyuuchan for the summer and spend time with her as friends, to try and gauge what she wants to do. If it seems like we're close enough and the time is right, I'll ask her again. Even if she shoots me down I know she'll still consider me a friend though, and that's what matters to me.

..and how do you know which guys are good and which are not without giving them all a date to find out in the first place? Unless you're another one of the single female discriminating types...

You see the problem with "standards" is that it's fundamentally either vanity or discrimination based and women/girls are fundamentally opposed to giving each guy an honest chance to highlight his personality, traits and other "standard" criteria.

To the OP, how do you determine which people are drinkers/smokers/non-Christians out in a public space? Unless you date and ask those questions, every guy is an opportunity to happiness.

Glad to hear about that Roxas_XIII! Your progress is a very smooth one.

I agree. I just think it's good to have some standards, so you don't end up being a doormat.

The common interest thing rules out most of the population. And people exhaust me & give me migraines. Only in small doses, please. I can spend more time to someone I'm attracted to though. So I don't think the be friends first thing/date your best friend is good advice for everyone, especially the majority of us whose emotional bonding sectors are grossly underdeveloped.

Be best friends with one you're attracted to and dating, I can deal with that. I prefer dating because it involves rules and structure. Anything that is too unstructured is liable to cause me to have a meltdown ... or a migraine.

What do you mean by doormat?

If you don't mind me jumping in, it means to act like I did for 28 years. I never said no to anyone no matter what and wanted to prove how reliable I was, both for work and in a relationship. While that wasn't necessarily a bad thing in some ways many people learned they could manipulate me into doing their bidding and to take the fall because I never stood up for myself and girls are generally attracted to confident guys, not ones who do whatever they are asked.

In terms of relationships, this means I am not afraid to tell my GF she screwed up and if she starts to cry or get upset, I stand my ground and don't cave in if I know what I'm doing is the best course of action. It's great to care, but you have to set boundaries and put your foot down or people are going to take full advantage of you. For example, I love my GF for who she is but I also told her if she gets a visible tattoo (especially since she wants to work in a field they are heavily frowned upon), we are done end of story because she will intentionally render herself unemployable. Sometimes you have to be a bit of a prick in life sad to say because the nicer you are, the more people will take advantage of you.

This is why I recommend it, those friends will understand why you act cold most of the time and know when you are genuine...dating woman won't give you the same result at all! They will assume you are a jerk/insensitive ***** because they don't get your Aspergers (even if they do, they don't know you enough to be trusted).

You get more structure arranging a date with a friend you fancy over a random date where the girl could do ANYTHING that is unstructured. I think if you are going to have a meltdown, you are best doing it in front of people you trust over some random guy/woman who will think you are a freak and never speak to you again.