How to address sexual dysfunction?

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This is more of a forecasting thing. I am not unhappy in the relationship - I am looking further down the road, and I think addressing it sooner rather than later is best. I don't want to get 5-10 years down the road and let this slowly push us apart. There's communication that needs to happen. I want, if she is willing, to explore the issues, since she never has.

I also read that people with inorgasmia / low sensation have rather high success with counseling. They enjoy sex more, they learn how to stimulate their body in different ways. It's recommended for anyone with an underlying neurological condition.

I'm not hoping necessarily to change the frequency of sex - I just want her to feel better about it. She appears still to have emotional hang-ups related to past experiences - as well as self-esteem issues with her body and performance. This is most likely caused / exacerbated by all those past boyfriends cheating on her -- she requires so much effort to please, getting her warmed up is an entire session by itself. I'm thinking counseling because I'm not qualified personally to unfold all of that. The other fact is I don't have enough data about it, and a counselor's input would be extremely helpful - especially before jumping into the basic incompatibility thing since we are so well matched. It's not just about me.

I've been educating myself on how to please a person with low stimulation response - for the last 6 months I've been taking as much time as she needs to get into it (I do not mind, whatsoever). It's not that she doesn't have enough sex, it's more that when we do it takes time, effort and patience for her to really enjoy it. Past boyfriends spent maybe 5-10 minutes on her, and that's it - the last one barely made any effort to excite her. She's used to seeing sex as a relationship obligation, rather than a form of communication through pleasure.

She has shown interest in being more sexual, but laments that it doesn't happen so naturally for her. She has a sexual appetite which increases the more she enjoys sex (I have found a few ways to bring this out), but I think there's something more that I'm not qualified to remedy. She seems not entirely comfortable with the vulnerability of sex - she's avoidant at times. When we do get into it, she is clearly enjoying it, and is residually happy from the brain chemicals released. It's just that she's not ever had someone willing to take the time to make sure she's pleased too. That's rather strange for her, I think. She's accustomed to sex being about pleasing the guy, not about her.

I consider any relationship issue we have to be "our" problem. Not just hers, nor mine. That goes without saying.

See, I think this ^ is wonderful. I would approach it as, "I would really love to be more in sync, in our sexual relationship. Would you be willing to go to a therapist, as a neutral third party, and see if he or she could help us do that? I'm looking forward to many years with you, and I want them to be as loving and intimate as possible."

You may get a little pushback, but you may also get reluctant (or maybe enthusiastic?) exploration of the issues. I wish you well!