Does she want to have an affair with me?

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Surfman, please refrain from insulting members. if you cannot be civil in a thread, do not post in there. thank you.

Alright no problem sorry. Yeah I appreciate everyone's help with this. I'm in a catch 22 because I am against cheating, but this woman is beautiful! I just ate lunch with her again today and we talked more. Mostly just about my upcoming trip to Sichuan and Tibet. She seemed really interested in hearing about it. I guess I can take things slowly and keep it as going to lunch with her. If she really wants to be with me, I'm sure she will throw out a really obvious sign down the road. Any suggestions?

i thought you already confirmed that she likes you. did she tell you, or is there another sign?

Well she never just told me that she likes me, but that is because she is really shy and nervous around me. I think she likes me though. During lunch, I mentioned that maybe next time we can travel together. Then she was like with my kid? I told her no problem because if it seems like I can't handle the fact that she has a kid, she will move on I know it. Then she was like is it ok if I bring another man (her husband probably) and then I jokingly said what? in a teasing voice and then she replied by saying "ok, how about another girl?" Then I told her maybe. She told me that she likes to travel, but doesn't like making plans for travel. So I told her I could think of a cool itinerary for us if we traveled together and she seemed happy to hear that. If she is willing to go to lunch with me often, always says hi and when we don't have the chance to talk for a while, asks me how I'm doing, tells me she hopes I feel better soon when I'm sick...are these possible signs that she likes me?

P.S. She never goes to lunch with any other guys from work. Just me.

i think you may want to ask her what she intends to have happening with you. she hasn't said or done anything that definitely says that she is interested in you at this point, but i don't think it can be ruled out either. maybe if she is interested she will want to start a real relationship with you (perhaps her marriage is over).

in my opinion, i think it is really pushing it too far to consider going travelling with her and her kid. if she did end up having an affair with you, then her kid would be right there too. if the kid is older, they'd see and sense things. if the kid is very young, they'd have to sleep in your room. it's not appropriate. if you decide to cheat, that is on your head, but please don't get the kid involved in that mess.

i don't condone cheating. i wish that there was some kind of cheating-karma that caused cheaters to get cheated on, but that's just not the way the world works.

Well I won't be trying anything with her until I am sure that she has gotten a divorce. If she wants to stay married and yet hook up with me, then I'm not down with that. I have had a girlfriend with a child in the past who was divorced and although our relationship was great...the pressure to get married was upon me like a tsunami. This woman has a child too, but the child is only 8 months. Of course I wouldn't sleep with her while the child is with us. That is a horrible idea.

As for whether or not to rule out if she likes me or not...the one thing that always makes me think she does like me is because if I don't say hello to her for a while...she will always message me on Lync (similar to MSN, Skype, etc.) and say hi, ask me how I'm doing and tell me that it's been a while since I said hi to her. If I were just a friend to her...why would she always make it a point to keep in touch with me? I mean from my point of view...if I had a "friend" that suddenly wasn't talking to me as often, I would say hi to her, but there are other factors as well.

When we went to lunch together about a month ago, I remember putting my arm around her shoulder for a short time and she didn't push me away. We also were talking about our hobbies and I told her my love for music and travel and how these things are my soul blah blah...then I heard her softly say that she would like to know my soul? I have never heard anyone say something like this to me in my whole life. I was really caught off guard by it, but it was a great thing to hear. Anyway, I appreciate everyone's help.

Many girls will go out of their way to contact guy friends. Doesn't necessarily indicate romantic/sexual interest.

Although in your case, it's likely she is flirting with you but might even be just leading you on. Take caution regardless and prepare for lots of drama to ensue from this if you want to keep going with that girl.

Yeah I was thinking this in the back of my mind too! She seems really friendly though...it would be really ridiculous if she just chose me of all people working here (tons of single guys) to lead on?

To the women on here...what really goes through a woman's mind when they are leading someone on? I mean...why would she even want to waste her time doing something so pointless and stupid?

thank you for clarifying, Alienboy. i appreciate you won't let anything get weird unless she cuts ties off with her husband.

Just remember that if she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. It shows an ability to compartmentalize her life and demonize her partner to justify anything. If you just want to get laid then that doesnt matter. In general cheaters and non-cheaters should not mix and you should always listen carefully to someone's history and put them in the appropriate category.

People don't often change.

I appreciate the advice from everyone, but I am still looking for clarifications and a list of possible reasons why a married woman with a child would go out of her way to flirt with me, keep in contact with me when we drift socially, go to lunch with me, etc. if she were just leading me on??? I can think of a few reasons:

1. She just wanted to get laid at first, then changed her mind and wants to just be friends.
2. She still likes me and wants to get laid, but it just really shy about going there with me.
3. She just wants me as her good friend and is just a really flirtatious person (REALLY!).
4. She wants to try being just friends first and if things go well...she might leave her husband for me.
5. She is just an total ..... and is just playing some sort of office drama game.

Ladies...what are some other reasons why she could be leading me on? And as for the reasons I have already listed above...your thoughts?

"leading you on" assumes that she has an end game in mind, and she might not. she may just enjoy your company, might enjoy the flirtation, and she could be open to more.... but she hasn't thought that far ahead yet. not everyone thinks ahead and slots other people into categories according to what future role they should play.

Cute, did your son draw a portrait of you?
I hear children are honest with these sort of things

No, not necessarily. It just requires expressing a motive different from what one actually has for the sake of having things his/her way and with no consideration for the other person's feelings.

Ok so I think she finally hinted that she might like me?

She texted me at about 8pm asking if my vacation out of town starts tomorrow and said sorry for not saying goodbye to me in person because she was so busy at work today. She told me to enjoy the trip and be careful. She then told me that she is looking forward to me returning safely.

I texted her back that I will be working tomorrow and that she can say goodbye to me tomorrow. I told her that I would be careful and to send me her email, so I could send her some travel photos.

She texted that it was a great idea and gave me her email address and told me that she would see me tomorrow.

I texted her goodnight and sweet dreams.

She texted me "Let's meet in a dream haha."

She could be just joking around or meant nothing sexual by saying this...but really? She isn't a young woman in her 20's. I highly doubt that at her age(she is 33) and being married...that she isn't even slightly aware of how suggestive statement that is.

Does it seem like she might like me as more than a friend?