Going on my first real date tomorrow. Any tips?

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Never judge a book by it's cover....go with the flow..you never know you might just find someone nice inside
looks for me have never been that important..a lovely face does not make a lovely person..and for me that is much more important in the long term.

In my situation, where I'm pushing 30 and have a crappy but stable job, I'd say no. I already made out and had sex with women enough times (although some of them were escorts), that knowingly going into a fail-prone relationship is not an enticing proposition. My preferred choices would be to either go into a into a relationship that I feel truly comfortable with, or have a mutual fling or an friends with benefits arrangement. The latter is a crap shot, since finding sexual flings and friends with benefits requires amazing social skills, but just sharing my choices here.

But in your case, where you're still in college and learning the ropes, I'd say go for it. For an aspie with social impairments, any kind of relationship will do more for their personal growth than all the social skills books in the world put together. Do what you just said: giveher a fair ship and experience a girlfriend relationship for the first time. You are not taking advantage of her. Chances are, she knows equally well that it's not going to be a long-term commitment. This is college, after all; most relationships don't last there. If yours does, you can figure out a way to make the long-distance thing work.

So, go for it. You will get to learn first-hand how to interact with a girl in a relationship, how to take care of her, how to be romantic, and just how good it feels to get those things in return. That and the sex. And even if doesn't work out, you will come out of this relationship a better man that you came in. Because you'll learn the ins and outs of dating/relationships, going from "blithering idiot" to "slightly nervous but OK" will be a piece of cake. Yes, problems such as figuring out how to make the long-distance thing work will come up, but worry about them when they happen, not before they happen.

Thanks, Aspie1.

Actually, to say to everyone: This has probably been the shortest 'relationship' in history. She texted me today and officially ended things. Just counting the time we spent together that day, it lasted for about 4 hours.

Yes, I am sad. Yes, I am a little hurt, but at the same time, I didn't invest all that much into it, so I can only be so hurt and for only so long. In a larger sense though, I am extremely proud of myself for having taken this chance. I went on an actual date and got an actual kiss (several actually), on the lips, from a girl! That in and of itself was worth the risk as I will not be afraid of that, when it happens, again in the future.

Much to my satisfaction and reassurance, my initial instincts of reservation and skepticism were correct. Although I chose to ignore them for the sake of trying something new, my confidence is raised because I now know that I can begin to trust my feelings a little more. Although my feelings will be raw for a little while, I know that I will heal and that I will eventually talk to girls again. I've learned that my heart still exists, but that I need to practice showing it to others. So I will. I'll try to be more genuine, honest, and open about my feelings with everyone in my family and everyone new who crosses my path. I will make a concerted effort to show my soft side to those closest to me, and I will not be afraid to experience my emotions any longer. This, if nothing else, is an invaluable lesson that I will take from this situation.

Finally, thank you to all who commented and offered advise. I hope that my story will serve someone else in the future, and of course, I will be happy to give pointers and reassurance to anyone else here who needs it.

Dude never doubt your instincts again for the sake of "trying something new" "doing the opposite" may have worked for george constanza in Seinfeld but in reality one's instincts are best. I have tried going against my instincts and doing something new for the sake of socializing but I have found myself unhappy and felt as though I wasted my time. If your hackles go up and a code red flashes in your brain. run for the exit. that woman was way to forward too fast. Instinct is what gives all animals the capacity to survive.

ok, here are some VERY IMPORTANT things.

1.Make physical contact. Let me be more specific. When you're walking with her you should take her hand and wrap her arm around your shoulders, put your arm around her hips.

-when you hug her instead of just a normal hug, a platonic gesture, I suggest giving her a bearhug and lifting her off the ground. This is more playful and sexual.

-when you talk to her stand slightly closer to her DO NOT hunch and lean in, that is creepy and ungainly, instead make sure your feet are close to hers and your whole body is in her personal space, this is crucial to establishing intimacy.

-when you talk to her it's good to have your face closer than normal to hers so that you're both breathing the same air.

-when you want to make out with her, put both her arms around your shoulders, put your arms around her waiste like a belt. your bodies should be pressed together in a way that is warm and mutually pleasurable, look her in the eyes and move in for the kiss DO NOT ask her if it's ok to kiss her, this will completely ruin the moment and come off as unconfident and dorkish, if she doesn't want to kiss you she'll put up her hand or lean away or say no so don't worry about coming off as a rapist, you wont, you have nothing to lose going for the kiss.

2.BAD conversation topics/modes include

-long winded, logical explanations on your political,philisophical or theological views. I know you're probably super into this topic, what aspie isn't but there's a time and place for it and it is NOT when you're trying to establish a fun and sexual atmosphere on a date.

-complaining. she likes you so she's going on a date with you to have fun, DO NOT bring her down with negative s**t, bad childhood experiences, being bullied at school or any of that stuff.there's a time and place for that LATER in the relationship but for now keep it lighthearted and playful.

GOOD conversation includes.

-Fun roleplaying. Be imaginative and tell fun stories which centre around the two of you. Be fun and playful and talk about things with an "us" mentality rather than an "I" mentality

-Passions. As an Aspie I'm sure you've been told, don't bore your listener by talking endlessly about obsessions. While you don't want to hog the conversation and give her an hour long lecture I think you SHOULD talk about your interests, they make you unique and enthusiasm is contagious, be expressive and give her a more vivid picture of who you are by showing her your interests.

-Sexual. Tell her you find her attractive, complement her body, complement her personality in a romantic way.

-Tease her. By tease I mean make little jokes at her expense, don't be obseqious and try to agree with her about everything, if she says something you don't like tease her about it. Don't take this too far though, she should be laughing when you do this, if she's pissed off or insulted then you went too far with the teasing.

Edit-since posting this I saw that it didn't work out. I put a lot of effort into this post though and I think these things will be very helpful to bear in mind on the next date you go on. Don't be discouraged, I've been rejected probably close to a hundred times but remember their are roughly 3.5 billion women on the planet. You have NO LIMITS...

I have two questions about those tips in the previous post.

1. If you tend to walk fast, how do you slow down without looking like it is being forced and/or panicking?

2. Touching/kissing. What would most likely happen if you did not touch her but it is definite that both people like each other "in that way"? Also, how come asking for a kiss would be seen as unconfident/dorkish?

^1.Walk at your normal speed, she'll speed up, linking arms in this way makes you walk slower naturally because your movements are less free,

2.You absolutely HAVE TO touch on a date, You may think she likes you, and she may like you, but if you don't have any physical contact it's pretty hard to establish closer intimacy, sexual excitement and all those things that are essential for sex/a relationship. If you're not comfortable touching women that's something you really have to get over if you ever want to succeed romantically. To put it another way, not touching a girl who likes you is AWKWARD and will dissappoint her in the same way you'd be dissappointed if you went on a date and your date was really quiet and barely talked to you.

Asking if you can kiss a girl is dorky and awkward because the kiss is a moment in which you cement your mutual attraction for each other. Asking verbally if you can kiss the girl will RUIN that moment the same way a joke is ruined if somebody explicitly explains the punchline, just trust me on this.