I am not feeling it; no I am not.

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I find this weird. You find nothing particularly special about this person yet your going through the motions like you do? She sounds like she wants more than casual if she's asking about your feelings.

I'm curious you said you developed feelings for someone else before. Did it start out with nothing special about them too and then you just became accustom to them?

Where? Who? Certainly not this one.

^This is what you wrote. So I'm asking, did you find them not particularly special and did you just grow accustomed to them?

Several suggestions, none of them forum appropriate nor highly recommendable.

Welcome to being an aspie I guess; a place where our problems with luck are much less with the opposite sex and much more with ourselves.

Ahh yes yes, it started after 2 years, there was nothing special at first.


Um, no one would wait for me that long!! I need that potion.

some people only really ever want the people who they can't have, and as soon as they have someone directing feelings at THEM, it's a huge turn-off. for those people, they are best off with relationships with people that are a little cold and slightly distant, so they are always feeling stronger emotions than the other person. sometimes it is a self-esteem issue ("i am not so grand as all that, surely she is not seeing the real me!"), and sometimes it is a profound discomfort with facing other people's emotions.

for other people, it's just a sign that they are dating the wrong people. probably in those cases it's a good idea to wait a *short* while and see if the feelings arise, then bail if they don't. when you are with the right person you will be likely to be more "in sync".

by the way, i would argue that sex only changes the feelings for some people, not for everyone. you won't know until you try it, of course.

When you first meet someone you won't have any particulatly strong feelings for them anyway as you've only just met
- you have to get to know them to find out if feelings develop

Initially you decide if you like and fancy someone, then the longer you know them, emotional feelings are more likely to
develop

If you enjoy someone's company and the sex is good, that tends to encourage most people to continue and feelings
usually develop from there

You don't decide to feel something for another person - the feelings either develop or they don't.

More than one replier mentioned sex....

Hmm...

yep. especially for your first girl.

The problems really start when you go with someone, convinced that you are incapable of feeling love at all, and then WHILE your with them, you meet someone else and start actually feeling something interesting - and realise youve made a terrible mistake

I'm not sure about the whole sex thing. it might bring you closer for a while. I don't buy into the whole set you up for life. You will probably also feel guilty afterwards

Then there shouldn't be a problem. Either she's willing to meet you halfway by being somewhat patient, or she isn't.

Define the feelings you have for her (how you care for her, what you like about her, what you think is cute about her, etc) even if those attributes are not unique to her. Hopefully (even if it is later) the combinations of those attributes will be unique to her even if no single attribute is unique.

And tell her that the way you develop feelings is different than the way she develops feelings.

Do not say you do not have feelings, but instead that they are hard to define and that they build over time.

Good luck. I would not go with the sex answer as that may lead her on to strengthen the bond she feels but you are not certain about. It would then be cruel and much harder for her if you later broke it off.

Welcome to reality, son. Do try not to fall off the ride, there's no safety bars you know.

^ it won't be provided easily though.

Say them, no one is gonna ban you ;p.



How ironic.