What girl would actually want me?

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Tyri0n
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05 Jan 2013, 5:17 pm

lonelyguy wrote:
Try and like yourself a little more....there is a lot of good looking guys out there who are idiots
Maybe if you try and get off a bit of weight..and maybe contact lenses instead of the glasses.

I am a bit over weight but working on it...it can be hard to get motivated but when you start to like yourself a little more it helps..and in the end you will feel more confident and that can help you overcome some other issues you might have.


+1. The appearance shouldn't be something to complain about because that is fairly easily changed. Since I have to remind myself to eat (like many autistics), via iphone scheduler, when I want to lose weight I just turn off the alarm and start skipping meals without even trying, and the weight peels off quickly. I once lost 30 pounds in two months this way. And running is easy, and contacts are not too expensive.



TheValk
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05 Jan 2013, 5:24 pm

I would always forget to eat when I lived alone. Then I also grew overweight. Right now I don't care about my weight as much as I want to be healthy; I think it's going somewhere.



equestriatola
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07 Jan 2013, 5:13 am

I am working on myself as well......... it's been a long process, is all.


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Adam82
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07 Jan 2013, 5:37 am

machf wrote:
aspguy wrote:
I'm 25

If you're only 25, it's too early to be so pessimistic about it...


When is it time to start getting pessimistic about it? I'm 30. No girlfriend, never had one. Should I start worrying?



DialAForAwesome
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07 Jan 2013, 6:56 am

25 isn't too early to be pessimistic about it. I mean, most people, male or female, would consider someone who has been single that long creepy or maladjusted. It seems the general rule is, if you found at least one person by the time you're 18, you're okay. But if not, you're a hideous freak of nature. :(


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Adam82
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07 Jan 2013, 7:52 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
25 isn't too early to be pessimistic about it. I mean, most people, male or female, would consider someone who has been single that long creepy or maladjusted. It seems the general rule is, if you found at least one person by the time you're 18, you're okay. But if not, you're a hideous freak of nature. :(


:( Guess I'm in big trouble, then.



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07 Jan 2013, 2:57 pm

You don't have 'single' written on your forehead though, and your pretensions can have back-up in the appropriate experience if you find this thing important enough to attain.



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07 Jan 2013, 3:58 pm

It's easy to get pessimistic about it at almost any age, but remember you might only need to meet one right person and all the years of being single will be irrelevant. By the time I was 20 I'd only had intimate relations with one person (and that was just casual sex). I'm sure the cool popular crowd would consider me totally undatable but in the past few years I've met a few very nice people who perhaps wouldn't fit into that crowd either who I've had some satisfying relations with. Not as frequently as I'd have liked but enough to give me some hope, even if some would consider me a "hideous freak of nature" :wink:



machf
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07 Jan 2013, 10:02 pm

Adam82 wrote:
machf wrote:
aspguy wrote:
I'm 25

If you're only 25, it's too early to be so pessimistic about it...


When is it time to start getting pessimistic about it? I'm 30. No girlfriend, never had one. Should I start worrying?

Maybe if you were over a hundred... and showing signs of impending death.



machf
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07 Jan 2013, 10:06 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
25 isn't too early to be pessimistic about it. I mean, most people, male or female, would consider someone who has been single that long creepy or maladjusted. It seems the general rule is, if you found at least one person by the time you're 18, you're okay. But if not, you're a hideous freak of nature. :(

If you give too much importance to what "most people" think, you're screwed.
You know, "most people" thought the earth was flat while Columbus said otherwise. "Most people" thought the earth was the centre of the universe while Galileo said otherwise. "Most people" aren't necessarily right.



DialAForAwesome
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07 Jan 2013, 11:24 pm

You're right, most people aren't right. But they're the vast, VAST majority, and guess what? This world isn't right to begin with.


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agbutterfly23
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08 Jan 2013, 12:19 am

I feel that the way a person looks on the outside does not say how they are on the inside. I would like someone who will care for me and allow me to care for him as well. I would want him to be okay with my caring for him as much as he cares for me. So yes there is a girl out there who would like you and if there is one there are more.



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08 Jan 2013, 12:49 am

The kind of girl wondering the same thing about herself!


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08 Jan 2013, 1:16 am

aspguy wrote:
Falling in love with a girl? How does that even work? Do you poke each other in the heart with your thumbs hoping something will suddenly happen? Seriously, wtf? What is love? What's the correct way to love somebody?


Eloquently put. Maybe nobody has the true answer. It's such a fascinating subject though.


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billiscool
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08 Jan 2013, 10:47 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
aspguy wrote:
I'm 25, I'm fat, I don't have a job, I don't have a car, I live with my mother, I think about sex too much and sometimes I just randomly talk about it, I have giant fatty manboobs, I'm only 5'8", I wear glasses, I'm confusing, and I try to avoid arguments because I don't want to ruin things. I want somebody to love me for who I am now, but that's impossible. Also I have social phobia and I'm afraid what might happen


A girl who is also overweight, has no job or car, lives with her mother, thinks about sex too much, wears glasses, and has social phobia would probably consider you a match made in heaven! But it may be difficult to find such a girl. Of course, all of the things in your post are things that you can change, although some may take longer or be more difficult than others. For example, if you are overweight, you can get into a regular habit of dieting and exercise. Not only will it make you more attractive, but it will make you infinitely more healthy, and you will feel better and have greater self-esteem. You do have to keep it up once you lose the weight though, that's why you have to make a habit of it once you make the appropriate lifestyle changes. If you don't like wearing glasses, you can switch to contacts. Those in my opinion are the two easiest aspects to change, that you can start on right away. Losing the weight may take a while, but adopting a healthier lifestyle doesn't ;). To get rid of acne/facial scars, I'd recommend trying some over-the-counter acne medication and maybe some facial creams, and seeing a dermatologist if they don't help.

If you have severe social phobia, I'd recommend seeing a therapist, perhaps try to get some medication for it also. It may take a lot of effort on your part to make any noticeable progress, but it is indeed treatable (I used to have terrible social anxiety a few years ago, now it's almost a thing of the past). For the job/car situation, that depends more on your personal situation. Do you have any education or work experience? If not, then I'd suggest either trying to obtain some in whatever field you would like to work in, or look for a good job that doesn't really require any (I always recommend construction in this case, it's really hard work but it's very stable with good pay). And with a job, you solve 3 of those issues at once: employment, car, and living arrangements! Albeit you may have to work a while and save up some money first.

You say that you want someone to love you as you are, but how can they, when you don't seem to love yourself? That's step #1: developing a positive self-image! Not to mention, in relationships people want to be with someone who is self-sufficient and is able to take good care of themselves. And just note that all of these things take time, they will not happen overnight. And you may not be able to change all of them. But if you could even change just one, that would be an improvement, would it not?


Going after a similiar girl as the op is ideal. But problem is alot of fat,poor girls still want to only date the ''alpha'' male, so no one really wins.
The op is single and fat,poor girl is also single.



aspguy
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08 Jan 2013, 11:13 pm

Well, I accept myself for who I am, but then when people judge me negatively, it hurts me, and it makes me want to change myself, but I feel resentful for feeling like I have to change only because I actually care what people think and I don't want to stop caring about what others think because then I'll be soulless. What I noticed is that I'm not completely alone. Today, I did some "things" on a public webcam site with fatty manboobs and all. I did have one viewer. A gay guy twice my age who was also huge. So I guess maybe it's true there's always somebody for you, even if that person isn't right for you. >.<