How to seduce an Aspie

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stop. he is into you means he would have sex with you in male lingo. Most males would have sex with an oragutan if no one else was looking though so it don't mean much in female terms.

It really is as simple as this... he's not ready for simple kissing or intimacy, he may not EVER be. (I don't know if he's an Aspie or not... whatever it is doesn't sound "mild" by any stretch.

You'll either have to be incredibly patient as you continue to be a romantic friend... or move on.

oh, i didn't read that...

i think aspies, you have to seduce them which is weird because they don't like manipulation although it all is manipluation when you seduce and we when we're normal women see that but they don't and when they don't see it and fall for it it is annoying but they like it that way so if you can seduce him without losing respect then go for it otherwise move on, but yeah if anyone said he didn't want to kiss me i'd be trying to get over it asap if i wasn't already, so many NTs aren't so feminine and fragile

So.... you want a man that isn't physically attracted to you and doesn't want to have sex with you... ??... I mean I understand there's men out there that want "nothing but sex" and will prowl one club/discotheque/barn dance after the other, but the way she's describing how they've hung out and kissed and how he reacted makes me think he should (or at least be allowed to) play around with some spicy versions of those encounters in his head and see if he likes those. And the fact he's still hanging out with you (well the OT) makes me think he does, or else he would have been much more persistent the second time you kissed him. That he froze 100% makes me think he came to the conclusion that covering his face and yelling no was not the right thing after all, but no clue how to act "positively" either. Grabbing you and forcing his tongue down your throat like he's maybe only heard/seen about in movies (most of the times this actually works successfully in Hollywood too!) isn't the smartest thing, and like I explained in my last post, he may still have no idea what your intentions are.

Some opinions (so I suppose facts, amirite):
1: People with autism may not want to kiss/hug/be close to "friends" or even "best friends", but be perfectly open to kissing/hugging/holding hands with a "real" relationship. This difference may very well come in "lightswitch" flipping mode, so it's either on or off. Once there's certainty, an entirely different book may open -instantly-.
2. Men think about having sex with -any- woman they see comfortably within 5 seconds. -Anytime- a man sees you anywhere, may it be sitting behind your desk at work, driving your car, shopping at the supermarket or even sick at home with a snotty nose in pyjama's a man will think "can/could/would I tap that in this very situation". Maybe not in a flash "meeting", but if there's walking up/walking away time after/before any kind of special attention beyond casually walking on a busy street with hundreds of other people. In that same street of "stuff men do you can agree with or not but will happen none the less"; men (and most women for that matter) will have a quick but forced glance at a persons genitalia area. Did I say person? I meant -any- genitalia, even on animals. It's an automatic "what are you carrying" response.
3. Most men wouldn't have sex with an orangutan, but like I facted above; would indeed check out the area this should be done in.
4. This stopped being interesting 1.9 posts ago.
5. 1.91

My original response was going to me, "How to seduce an Aspie? Say HELLO to him!"

(Obviously not the case here... but applies to so many of the rest of us!)

Group hugs - hang in there, everyone!

The guy is seemingly moving in the wrong direction at the moment, if he is no longer employed and is withdrawing. I would be concerned for his overall mental health and helping him get back on track again. Moving too quickly with a physical relationship may not be the right thing to do at this point, though a more casual relationship and slower approach could be ok.

I'm with Cuckooflower, I had to be pinned down into a corner before she could manage to kiss me. I was so overwhelmed at that time. I got open to the idea of practising how to kiss and I was in my 20s.

I am shocked and disgusted that despite somebody saying "no" to you and covering his face, you later grabbed him and kissed him anyway.

That's just WRONG.

No means NO. No is not code for "I'm saying no but I really mean yes." It means NO, regardless of gender or disability.

If this thread was written by a man describing how a girl had said "no" to him yet he forced himself upon her anyway, people would be telling him what a jerk he was. However, apparently everybody seems to think it's perfectly OK for women to force themselves upon men.

It's not. This man is clearly a vulnerable individual and you're preying on him. LEAVE HIM ALONE!

You make some good points, and I was trying to say something like this above, but I think its off the mark to to call it preying.
I think the OP just is up against something they do not yet understand, nor can we fully from a distance. From appearences the guy in question is not mentally simple, as in like having the mind of a child. He definately seems not have have been taught or learned socialization very well however. That does not mean he can't or that he is not mature. This is the learning curve of Aspergers. A good relationship may be a good thing, if the OP's heart is in the right place, and I give them the benefit of the doubt, and credit for coming here to try and learn something about his condition.

But again I advise the OP to slow down and not rush things. It would be better to work on establishing a more normal level of conversation and interaction first. Also I would be concerned about this guy getting some professional assistance along the lines of learning how better to socialize in general.

I agree. If it's clear that he isn't interested and you can put it to him point blank and leave him and he says 'no' and nothing else, then you have to leave it at that. Continuing to bother him after that if it looks like he wants to cut off contact or isn't talking to you is abusive, and I don't care what anyone else says.

If a female Aspie put her head in her hands and carried on saying 'no', would people agree here with the man if the man kept on trying to kiss her?

Last edited by Tequila on 07 Jan 2013, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Regardless of whether or not the guy does like the OP or not, she asked him whether he wanted to be kissed, and he clearly said NO.

I repeat: no means NO. Yet weeks later she went ahead and kissed him anyway without asking for permission.

What will be next in this chain of events - moving on to foreplay without his permission, too? Or full-blown sex?

In my opinion it is just WRONG to force yourself on somebody, whether it be just kissing, or whether it be sex. End of story. If you ask somebody if they want to kiss you, and they say no but you do it anyway, that is legally classed as ASSAULT.

To all the people who are egging on the OP, and saying "I'm sure he's just shy - I'm sure he really likes you - etc etc" YOU DO NOT KNOW that. You are making ASSUMPTIONS. He said NO.

OK I'm repeating myself here but it's an important point: if this thread were about a male forcing himself on a female who had said no, people would be agreeing that what the OP did was wrong. But for some reason you all think that just because the victim is male, the assault was OK.

It makes me angry on behalf of this man. I am sure that the experience of having someone jump upon him and kiss him when he'd plainly said he didn't want to be kissed was very traumatising for him indeed.

This guy went to university, they go to the movies and do other stuff together too. You guys are making it sound as if he's some secluded loner and she forced herself into his room/personal space and started kissing him/forfilling her one sided need for contact with him.

Clearly the matter here isn't whether he wants contact or not but HOW to approach the wanted contact.

I cannot (well I can I suppose) understand that the only thing some of you get from the OP's entire post is the quoted "no" part of a freak out in an entire relationship that points to him wanting to be around her too but just not knowing how.

Oh I see. Let's try turning this situation the other way around by swapping the genders of the parties involved.

Your logic is saying that, as a man, if a girl spends time in your company and does stuff with you, that would mean you would be able to justify forcing yourself upon her.

She wants it, right? She's begging for it inside, even though she's clearly told you "no."

Your criteria for making assault "OK" is apparently merely that the assaulted party has to have been hanging out with you. So if I, as a female, had been hanging out with you and doing stuff with you for a while, would that make it OK for you to force yourself on me?

If your opinion is "yes," I would promptly drag you down to the police station and happily have them explain to you why, from a moral and legal standpoint, the correct answer is actually "no."

Look, assault is assault. It doesn't matter if the assailant is known to you, or is a perfect stranger, or is your roommate, or is your relative, or you've known them for years, or you've only just met. If somebody (anybody) kisses you when you have asked them not to, that is WRONG.

Autinger, your attitude makes me sick.

+1!

OP: as I said, if he just says 'no' without explanation, it's best to leave off. If you talk to him and he isn't interested, that's the end of it.

He doesn't sound interested to me.

I'd like to see a source for that little fun fact.