I just had an AWESOME first date. What next?

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Brian, I know you want to be thoughtful and as smart as you can be about this and that's laudable. But there is a severe limit on what can be projected at this very early stage of your relationship with this woman.

Dating is a process like any relationship. There are way more unknowns than there are predictable scenarios and reactions. Everyone in any romantic relationship is necessarily taking it one step at a time, like it or not. And everyone's best shot is living it out; mindfully or with abandon, and it's best done in the moment. The more you can stay in the moment within a relationship the better you will be able to see what the right things to do are.

What exactly is staying in the moment? It's keeping your thoughts on what's going on now, right in front you. It's knowing how you're reacting & feeling. It's listening to her. It's observing her actions and reactions. That's how you get to know her and it's how you get to understand the dynamics of your burgeoning relationship.

Suggestions:

- Know what you want to do with this woman. And if you're not sure what you want to do with her at any given time, reflect on it and find out. This is very important and not to be skipped over or sloughed off.
- Clear desires and aspirations for this relationship on your part, creates built in intention. That sort of intention is readable by women without you even stating what they are. It's part of what comes across as confidence; this guy knows what he wants. But stay within the frame of where the relationship is at right now; it's probably too soon to intend skinny dipping.

- Invite her to to join you in an activity that might provide a good setting for what you want. If you want to move through space with her; walk & talk; go to a museum or botanical garden. If you want a sensual experience with her invite her for hot chocolate and building a snowman and making snow angels. If you want to laugh yourselves silly....you get the idea.

- Take in her reactions to what you do together; observe what really lights her up and what doesn't. That will, through time, create a catalog of the sorts of things she enjoys. (She loved the Monopoly game & the French restaurant, but the snow play - not so much. She enjoyed the canoe trip, but the sailing made her sea sick.)

- Relish what you like in this woman; and know exactly what those qualities/attributes are. Plan time together that plays into those wonderful qualities.
- Relish what you like in yourself and invite her to activities that play into your assets. If you're athletic (I think you are) do some stuff with her outdoors where you may lend her some of your strength. A hockey player I dated invited me skating; but he brought hockey skates in my size. Having only ever worn figure skates, that provided the setting for being saved from falls; one of the best, physical dates ever.

The environments you take a date into have the power to create sensory romance in your relationship. And if you get to have an ongoing relationship with a woman, change up the environments.
- Take a train ride to something in another town.
- Go to a big botanical greenhouse that has a jungle part and a desert part in the dead cold of winter.
- Go in a vessel on the water.
- Go to an observatory at night.
- Take a ride on a big ferris-wheel.
- Do something in the most spacious building you know of (a museum, a Grand Central Station, a casino).
- Visit a mansion with expansive gardens.
- And, yes, go to a bowling alley; that's a completely unique atmosphere.
- Watch the Superbowl at home with friends.
- Take a cooking class together.

Get over the idea of forcing dates every week. If two people want to spend time together, where does the forcing come in? Relationship is spending time together and it will occur somewhere. You say you're a home body. If you have your own place (or with room mates), perhaps after a few dates, you will have primarily home dates; cooking together, watching games, games nights with friends. But, that's the environment that is most prone to boredom for many women. "All we ever do is watch TV and go to bed."

For now there is only the invitation to a second date or not.

Yeah, I'm just so worried about doing the wrong thing, and blowing it. Like taking it too slow. I did that once before, and the girl who I loved found another guy, and married him. I will never forgive myself for that huge mistake, and I'm terrified of repeating it here. I want to do whatever it takes to prove my worth and hopefully win her affections.

So what's going on, have you communicated with her in some way yet? I assume the date was last Saturday night? That was a while ago. Personally if I've had a good time, I send a text either when I get home, or the next day, just to say "I had a great time, and if you are interested in catching up again let me know!" (if they haven't beaten me to it). IMO someone should have said something to the other by now.

Edit: I forgot I'm probably in a different time zone, maybe it hasn't been as long as it seems to me...it's Tuesday afternoon here.

I met her on Saturday night, and where I am, it is now Monday night. I called her a few hours ago, but she did not answer, so I left a message.

I'm terribly nervous. Praying she'll call me back, and I haven't screwed this up already. Praying that I might not spend this Valentine's Day alone. Praying I might soon have someone to share my life with, so I won't have to go on with my creative work alone and fearing failure and my own weakness along the way.

You're laying the expectations on way too thick for a first date dude. There's and awful lot of pressure on this lady to answer all your prayers!

Ruckus is correct.

This may help a bit: You have just entered the age range wherein women begin seeing and being attracted to different qualities in men than they previously did. Starting in our late 20s women tend to be less concerned with superficialities and become attracted to the substance of a man. This works in the favor of lots of guys who previously had little or no success with women. You may very well be one of the men who will benefit from this shift. Don't look back.

You had a nice date which sounds to me to have been the sort of carefree, fun time that successful dating is based upon. You don't have to hand that joyful experience over to your mean doppelganger in exchange for a bundle of familiar old anxiety.

Don't look at this woman as a symbol of your own success or failure.

Reality: this woman is still simply an individual human being just the same as she was before you met her. You don't have to add the ingredient of past failures and blend thoroughly.

You took the next step and called her. The ball is out of your court right now. Her next response is out of your control. Allow that reality to sink into you as a relief, not a cause for anxiety.

Right now manage your anxieties with every coping skill you've developed in your 28 years. Whatever those are; get a good night's sleep, rise tomorrow morning and go for a run. Do whatever you do. This really isn't a bad movie you're trapped in; it's your life; choose peace over anxiety. By the end of the week you will know what her answer is.

For now, I believe you did all you could do which was to call and that's great. You should try to be at ease now. Anyhow, I also agree with the others that waiting to long to contact her can lose her as well. But two days after is good as well.

You called, you left a message (hopefully one she likes, rather than a skin-crawler... we all know how easy it is to make that blunder.)

The ball's in her court now - DO NOT pester with any more calls/texts for at least 48 hours. (Am I right? Wrong?)

Close, but wrong, I reckon. Don't pester her with any more calls/texts ever.

She'll get back to you if she's keen. Unless she's a doofus.

I miss messages a lot and prefer people text me. If she doesn't answer text her in two days then leave it at that.

Call her.

Use voice.

I guess it's out of my hands. I left a message for her, and I'm praying, praying, praying that she will call me back. I felt sure that we had clicked, and the loneliness is driving me mad. I'm so tired of all these dates that go nowhere, of phone calls unanswered and emails un-replied. I just want to love someone, and receive as much in kind. I pray to god, "Let me find someone," and at times, to the devil, "take my soul if only I might find love." I hope she may be the one, or that I may find her soon. God how can it be, I'm almost 29, and have never had a girlfriend? I must do better and be better. I will be better and prove my worth. I will find someone and do everything I can to make her feel happy and loved and valued. If I find just one person whom I can do that with, my life won't have been a waste and failure, which is what it is right now.

While your intentions are admirable, you're over the top, mate. You're putting so much pressue on this, it's destined to fail. Women are emotional conduits, they (well most of them) will be able to sense desperation and shy away from someone who puts too much out there too soon. I wish you the best of luck, but your best bet is to unplug from the situation a bit, stop worrying about it and if she calls, great, if she doesn't just keep on keepin' on, as they say.

And there's nothing wrong with being 29 and being single / not ever having a girl friend. The one thing I did which helped a lot when I got diagnosed with AS is I stopped paying attention to labels or social expectations and decided I was going to judge myself based on what was best for me, not what would seem normal or ordianry for NTs. I now know that socially I don't interact the same as everyone else - and that's cool - some people get it and some don't - If someone I really like doesn't 'get it' then I move on - painful, but it's better than running your head into a wall - I don't spend any time wasted on wondering what is wrong with me and I simply wait for the next opportunity.

If she doesn't call you back - it wasn't meant to be. Don't anguish, don't call her again, don't worry about it - life goes on...

Good luck mate.

There really needs to be a male version of the overly-attached-girlfriend meme.

I agree with the others; CALM DOWN!! People (not just women) can sense that air of... desperation. Spider-senses tingling... RUN AWAY!!

Well, in my experience I started at 28 and was getting absolutely nowhere. The only date I got was because I practically cornered the girl into giving me her number but I could tell she didn't share the same feelings I did no matter how hard I tried to show her we should get to know each other. When I said "F*** it" and decided I'm not going to waste my time chasing rude, snobby stuck up women was when I received a message and fell in love when I least expected it.

One of my main reasons for failure was because I focused on one and only one girl and was convinced she was my soul mate. Of course, all those women thought I was the worst person in the world which only pushed me to try even harder and spend weeks or even months recovering from the heartbreak.

Oh I'd sell my soul to the devil for a woman to message me. Just knowing someone, out there, wants ME.

And meanwhile, I'm getting sadder. I know I shouldn't but damn I'm getting so anxious why she hasn't called back. When I get a call I call back quickly, especially if it is someone who interests me.

Dear lord PLEASE let her call me back. PLEASE let me find someone. I'm SO TIRED OF BEING ALONE. Or to the Devil or Satan, you can have my soul if only I will find love.