AS Woman, would you prefer NT or an AS man

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My last partner was an Aspie, but his sensory needs were completely opposite of mine. I need lots of cuddling (deep pressure) to keep on an even keel and to bond properly, and he couldn't tolerate touching very much at all. He couldn't help me with the things I needed help with, or understand when I had a meltdown (which is the opposite of what you'd think it would be, but he had absolutely no theory of mind, so if something wouldn't give him a meltdown, then I was just being ridiculous).

My new boyfriend (been dating a year) not only helps me when I can't do something alone, but is generally more understanding of my quirks. He's an NT. But it takes a very special type of NT to handle an Aspie. Some of them can be downright cruel, and deliberately push your buttons. Aspie/Aspie relationships can probably work, too, if their traits are somewhat complimentary. If they are at odds, it's likely not going to work.

It's tricky, isn't it? I mean, I used to romanticise the idea of having an AS boyfriend, because he'd sort of 'get' me. After a while, I realised that it would mean finding a specific kind of aspie whose quirks complemented mine, because imagine the meltdowns if our eccentricities set each other off...! So really, it's like a Matryoshka doll of needles in haystacks. I had a crush on a guy recently who I strongly suspected was on the spectrum, and who seemed to reciprocate, but our periods of hyperfocus tended not to match up - we'd always want attention when the other wasn't in a position to give it. I realised it really wasn't going to work for me, because when I need affection, I need affection. Regular unavailability of hugs is a dealbreaker for me, as odd as that may sound.

An NT with some Aspie-like tendencies would be okay, I think, but a fully NT guy? Nuh-uh. I've met guys like that, who are constantly expecting to socialise as a couple, and don't get that when I say I can't handle going out right now, I'm not being dramatic. Guys that think I'm making up my sensory sensitivities to get attention or feel special. Guys that don't get the eye contact issue. Who get annoyed by my special interests. I'm not compromising my own happiness for guys like that anymore.

Bottom line: NT or AS, either is fine, so long as we're on the same wavelength.

I'm also attracted more to girls than guys. All of the aspergergirls I know in real life are straight and not my type. The guys I like tend to be nerdy NTs. A lot of times guys I'm not attracted to hit on me. I think the reason why I'm not attracted to them is my general lack of interest in boys rather than them. A lot of times I want to be friends with them but they want something more. I once had a boyfriend who only I only liked as a friend. It didn't go so well because I didn't like kissing him. I'm trying to make friends with him right now. If I was more attracted to guys I would probably have a better love life.