Marriage

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If we can enforce years of counselling on people who want to get gender re-assignment surgery.. why is there not a mandatory period of counselling for divorce? Or even for marriage for that matter.

To me I look at it that anyone I would care enough about to marry, I intend to be with forever. I've never broken up with anyone, it's always the other way around. But I also realize I seem to be in a minority with that view..

I had always thought "you just get married" it was an NT "girly" thing I guess. When I got divorced I said I would never marry again. It is no different than dating except when you realize the guy is an ass you have to wait for approval to financially break up with him. When I got pregnant 6 weeks into our relationship and my AS BF asked me how I felt about the fact that we were not married I told him the truth. That I wanted him to marry me because he wanted to be married to me, not because I was pregnant and he agreed. Then we both are laid off (recession), new relationship and pregnant.. yeah... that was tough. But we came out on the other side and I could not imagine my life any different. He is My Perfection. Now I really want to get married. I want him to want to ask, to take his name... but it is an emotional thing and there is no way for me to give "logical" reasons... and his views on the government or a god he doesn't believe in giving us permission to be together.. I truly know it is not he just doesn't want to be married to me but that he doesn't believe marriage is anything... yet I still want more than anything to be married to this amazing man. Not really an answer to your question but the inner ramblings of an NT female

It is a rather emotional thought to most women, including myself. Women have abused the system enough that marriage doesn't mean much anymore. Still, I've been conditioned so long that imagining myself taking the walk or watching it happen on tv brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately a lot of the time I take the love from my man, my family and friends for granted.

I do take my decision very seriously, even though I'm not signing a contract. I specifically chose someone who I could trust to work with me through the ups and downs, and to help me raise children if we ever adopt. As many problems as there are with psychology, I do believe that in a lot of cases counseling could help couples who are at their wit's end learn to communicate. This is especially valuable when they have young children.

I've admittedly seen a few episodes of Teen Mom and watched a woman divorce the father of their two baby girls over the purchase of a pickup truck. She suggested counseling but he didn't want to go even though he didn't understand why they were divorcing. She quickly fell in love with another guy [and became pregnant before miscarrying!] but her ex still loved her and she still had feelings for him. I would be so sad to be their children and grow up to see why mommy and daddy couldn't work things out.

I am a religious person and see marriage as a cornerstone of society. I would hate America to turn into some Brave New World society just because people think it's too much trouble to go through the process of marriage. Or the people think why go through with it since we'll probably get divorced because death do us part no longer means anything. Or the worst one, they think marriage will hamper their promiscuity. I myself am abstinent and will stay that way until marriage. I believe that doing it with only one person my entire life is a testament to how I feel about that person and waiting until marriage shows that I am not in it for my own selfish desires. Also, did you know that people that live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced. Doesn't make sense, but it was in my sociology textbook. It is just one of those things you should avoid.

I would be wary of anything you read in a sociology textbook.
Not getting married doesn't have anything to do with promiscuity. Many married people still decide to be polyamorous.

That comment alone makes you my new hero!


True - just as some unmarried folks are faithfully monogamous. It just doesn't mean much anymore since so few actually mean the vows they make. *sigh*

I got married the first time because that is what you do. When we divorced I said I never wanted to marry again. When I got pregnant my bf asked how I felt about not being married. We had not dated long at that time and I told him I wanted to get married because we wanted to be married not because I am pregnant. We went through some rough times before I knew he was Aspie because I didn't understand his behaviors. I never wanted to end it with him over it but I had no desire to be married. Since discovering he is Aspie our world turned around and everything makes sense now. I have never in my life loved someone so much. Now I want to be married to him. I want his name. It is a purely emotional thing for me with no concrete facts to back it up. He believes much like the majority here. What is the point? He even said he is more married to me than he ever was to his ex wife. I wish I could explain it. I am getting so much better at breaking my feelings down into facts but this one elludes me. I don't want him to marry me because I nagged him into it. I told him one time and one time only without hinting around ever... That I want to be married to him but I either want him to want it too or not be married. I do not want him doing it just because he knows it is something i want. He is sweet like that. It is no good if it is not something he wants too. But since I can't come up with a reason based in fact not emotion I am mostly ok with it. I still want it but it is not going to hurt my relationship

It's always been my dream to get married because I want to start a family with my mate for life. However, I am worried if I end up marrying someone WITHOUT Asperger's. (For example, right now I am dating someone NT.) The reason I am worried is due to problems that might arise because of lack of understanding where I'm coming from as an Aspie.

It'd be interesting to know if more Aspergers/NT marriages work out or Aspergers/Aspergers marriages work out? If there is one thing I am deathly afraid of it's divorce. :/

You are more perfectly suited for an NT husband than an NT woman would be. For as much as Aspie men have trouble figuring out NT women the NT men don't have it much easier. We tend to communicate through feelings or expectations we expect you to just know. The advantage the NT man has is that he can puck up on tone, body language etc... So for a straightforward woman who speaks in facts you would be perfect. I have recently come to realize that if two people speak in concrete fact there are almost no arguments or misunderstandings. It has to be understood that being honest is not being offensive or putting someone down it is fact without emotion.

I believe in marriage, I don't believe in involving the government in said marriage.
(or the church)

Why not get married?