Would you rather date a aspie or NT?
FireoftheStorm
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Not to certain on the predictability - only if you understand an aspie could you call them predictable. Think that goes for most people, actually...
Anywho - I apparently like a wild/virtuous girl, or quirky/innocent girl. Why? Because it matches myself, mostly. That this tend to lead more to neurodiverse than neurotypical girls is not a factor.
Will admit, with girls on the spectrum, it gets "what the heck is an aspie?" discussion out of the way if it ever crops up.
So I'll lean 55/45, in favor of Aspie Girls, based more on somewhat more common traits than on labels.
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nick007
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Defiantly an Aspie, on the spectrum or at least nontypical NT. I never had luck with typical NTs & we tend to have lots of misunderstandings. My 1st girlfriend was an NT but she had OCD, sever ADHD & dyslexia. My 2nd girlfriend who I met on this forum was an Aspie. My 3rd & current girlfriend who I also met on here might be an Aspie; she has some Aspie things & her younger brother is an Aspie so we're pretty sure she's at least on the spectrum.
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mrbagle
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Aspie girls that I've seen on YouTube strike me as being sweet, tender-hearted, quirky, thoughtful and patient, which are all things I love. This definitely makes me want to date one, or think I do. I'm a lot like that myself, and in my experience many NT girls don't 'get' that or see the value in it the way I do. Part of me really wants an Aspie and thinks I need one.
I think I may just need to work on being more patient myself, if an AS girlfriend wanted to withdraw from socializing for an extended period or was having frequent sensory episodes (too much conflicting sound can agitate me enough to compel me to leave the area, but I've never had a true sensory meltdown.) It's a concern for me, but I think my last girlfriend who was PTSD and OCD gave me a pretty good head start on that. I would really push myself to keep the big picture in mind.
As far as compatibility, the other thing I have to think about is sex drive. My counselor commented that Aspies typically have a lot less of it... part of me doubts that, but if it's true then I am atypical, because I have a lot of drive. It's something I'd like to be well-matched on, so that could push me towards an NT who was sweet and patient... of course there's no guarantee their sex drive is high either.
I think my family history frequently features mildly-Aspie guys like myself marrying NT girls, and having some NT kids and some mildly Aspie kids. I kind of like that pattern, and although as the father I can't help that I'm the major factor in whether my kids will have AS or not, it seems like having an NT spouse mitigates the severity of the condition maybe? I don't really feel bad about myself as an Aspie and I don't think badly of other Aspies, but as far as the actual effects of the condition, I like the idea of my kids having an NT mother at least so that they'd be less likely to suffer more pronounced symptoms.
But when it comes down to it, I'm motivated to date either AS or NT for various reasons, and I'd be very curious and willing to date an Aspie girl. Love is love; anyone I can click with who will be kind and stick around will have my devotion.
Tyri0n
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MathGirl from the TO eh?
I'm an aspie Math student at University of Waterloo
It's nice to know that some girls out there are looking for all the things I do that I considered unattractive and I always try to forcefully change.
One thing that I have noticed amongst people on the spectrum is the word I alot, people tend to speak obsessively about themselves or they tend to talk about a particular interest rather than passing the ball or using open ended questions to direct the conversation. The most interesting way to communicate with someone is to make them feel involved and create an emotional response.
Sometimes I do prefer talking to people that are NT because they understand social rules and they can help direct the conversation. Other times, it's fun to talk without any social rules or boundaries however it is always important to remember that the conversation is a give and take process.
I've tried to ask questions a lot when I'm struggling with conversation and started getting responses like "Why do you want to know?", accused of prying, being too curious, told that how they were raised is that if they want me to know something, they'll say it, so I shouldn't ask, etc. Whether aspie or NT, now I'd rather not deal at all with people who are quick to interpret me negatively. Main rule now.
nick007
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Sometimes I do prefer talking to people that are NT because they understand social rules and they can help direct the conversation. Other times, it's fun to talk without any social rules or boundaries however it is always important to remember that the conversation is a give and take process.
That's some of the problem I have with NTs. They get upset with me because I don't fallow or get their give & take process & they think I'm narcissistic or self-absorbed for rambling on about myself. It's not an issue with an Aspie because we take turns rambling. I ask her questions & get her talking about herself or her interest a while & then I talk about myself or interest & how it relates to hers
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Northeastern292
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I think it would probably be equally difficult. From reading this forum, it seems like this is a trend:
AS boys have difficulty in the initiation phase; NT girls rarely seek out boys as the gender expectation still leans toward the boy initiating the courtship, leading to the AS boys yearning for interaction but not being able to get it due to lack of social understanding, anxiety, depression, etc.
AS girls encounter difficulty beyond the initiation phase; NT boys typically seek out anyone they view as attractive or anyone they find interesting, which theoretically would lead to a lot more dates for AS girls than for AS boys. But beyond dates, the lack of social understanding, anxiety, depression, etc. leads to the AS girl not communicating the continued interest, intimacy, intentions, etc. in a way the NT boy can understand. Since NT boys can often place less emphasis on empathy or emotional understanding (whether due to biology or gender stereotype, idk), the NT boy wouldn't know what to do which ultimately could cause the NT boy to leave.
Is this at all on the mark? This obviously has some gender bias since I am male and romantically inexperienced.
Philosoraptor, you're partly on the mark, at least that's what I've come to believe. I've seen girls with AS date, but either it's with someone who understands them quite well or it's a total disaster. . As for me, I'll date NT or AS, but my preference is more towards AS as a girl/guy with AS is likely to be more understanding and accepting of your quirks. Or a NT with a sibling with an ASD works too. I've taken a girl out with AS (even though this was before she was diagnosed). That girl and I never were in a relationship, but we're still close friends and I have plans to see her in April. But I completely agree with Radiofixr: dating an Aspie does come with what I could call a "home field advantage". I dated a music student who I thought understood me quite well. She and I had very good chemistry, but we just had serious compatibility issues at the same time.
Odd too, since my mom studied music in college.
But in general, I'll date anyone that I'm attracted to and who understands me and accepts my eccentricities.
Northeastern292
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I thought this was cute
What exactly is a nontypical NT?
My ex was. NT, but slightly eccentric. They exist. The girl whose brother has AS? Those girls never are typical NTs. They're more compassionate, caring, accepting, etc.
nick007
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I thought this was cute
What exactly is a nontypical NT?
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I thought this was cute
What exactly is a nontypical NT?
My ex was. NT, but slightly eccentric. They exist. The girl whose brother has AS? Those girls never are typical NTs. They're more compassionate, caring, accepting, etc.
Oh I believe they exist. I just wanted to know what you considered nontypical. I would like to believe I'm a nontypical NT but I'd have to let someone else be the judge of that. But then I would think that most of the NT's on WP are nontypical in some way???
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