19 Things To Stop Doing in Your 20s

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The only people you can trust are people in your own family.

Trust your wife or husband.

Other than that, there is no such thing as real friendship.

Important things to do while you are in your twenties:

1. Get out of your home country and travel as much as possible.

2. Try to figure out what you really love to do, and try to figure out some way to make money by doing it.

3. Learn to love yourself, just as you are.

4. Date many before deciding on "The One".

Standard crap, it never tells you HOW to stop doing any of these things.

That's because the solution is different for most people - as noted, some people need more of trust, some less. If someone were to say "this is how you improve your mindset" - you get a religion or a messed up situation.
That said, perhaps a list of different possible things to do could help? Will need to crack open my books

It's kind of like the bit in Jarhead

"For most problems the Marine is issued a solution. If ill, go to sickbay. If wounded, call a Corpsman. If dead, report to graves registration. If losing his mind, however, no standard solution exists. "

Which item(s) do you not know how to do? A lot of them are pretty straight forward but I'm guessing people here who have already accomplished these changes, or at least similar changes, could offer advice as to specifics.

I can't trust anyone in my family. I trust myself.

I trust all of my friends, but there are different levels of trust in friendships.

I trust strangers, really, not to attempt to kill me when I'm grocery shopping or picking up something at the pharmacy. There are all sorts of different types of trust I guess!

1. Stop placing all the blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for (accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.

Why should I stop placing blame where it belongs? The alternative is to blame myself, and I've been told repeatedly that that is wrong also. So if some one does something wrong, then why shouldn't I blame them for it?

2. Stop being lazy by being constantly “busy.” It’s easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands of your job.

I'm never lazy because I'm busy, I'm lazy because I'm depressed with my situation and my motivation dwindles when I'm not making constantly incremental progress towards my goal. This is problematic for me in school especially as a lot of teachers do not report your grades as often as I would like so I have no way to chart how well I'm doing and I begin to lose interest. I set myself benchmarks and then when I fall behind or something happens to make me fall behind I get more depressed and the cycle begins to spiral out of control.

3. Stop seeking out distractions. You will always be able to find them.

If I don't distract myself some how, I get more depressed. Why are distractions bad? If my distraction is reading a book or playing monopoly with friends isn't that better than sitting and dwelling on my problems alone?

4. Stop trying to get away with work that’s “good enough.” People notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into consideration when thinking about you for a raise.

I do the level of work I'm paid to do, if they want more work, they can pay me more. I don't give away labor for free.

5. Stop allowing yourself to be so comfortable all the time. Coming up with a list of reasons to procrastinate risky, innovative decisions offers more short-term gratification than not procrastinating. But when you stop procrastinating to make a drastic change, your list of reasons to procrastinate becomes a list of ideas about how to better navigate the risk you’re taking.

I'm never comfortable in the first place. But at the same time, this says "Don't be so comfortable" when other people are constantly telling me I need to be comfortable with myself.. well which is it.. am I to be uncomfortable or comfortable? Is it simply that I'm supposed to be comfortable with myself but uncomfortable in my surroundings? or vice versa?

6. Stop identifying yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. Constantly checking your life against a prewritten narrative or story of how things “should” be is a bought-into way of life. It’s sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that “should” be happening.

even if I stop identifying myself as a geek/nerd/loser I live in a town that is so small that I virtually cannot escape people that I went to school with who put those labels on me in the first place. So how do I stop living under those labels when other people won't let me?

7. Stop expecting people to be better than they were in high school — learn how to deal with it instead. Just because you’re out of high school doesn’t mean you’re out of high school. There will always be people in your life who want what you have, are threatened by who you are, and will ridicule you for doing something that threatens how they see their position in the world.

This one I understand at all, it's telling me that I need to be more cynical and more mean spirited than I am, in otherwords, I need to be just like the people who made my life hell in highschool. I need to get better at their own game than they are. And if my ethics & morals say that that attitude is wrong, then I'll never make any progress.


8. Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.

I'm never stingy, I just never have any money.

9. Stop treating errands as burdens. Instead, use them as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X amount of things at any given moment.

Yes, they are rote tasks that give me time to think about how bored I am and how annoying these tasks are.

10. Stop blaming yourself for being human. You’re fine. Having a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re fine.

So.. just up at the top of the list I'm told not to blame others.. and now I'm being told not to blame myself. Someone has to be responsible for the problems.. so some one has to get blamed. Which is it? Them, or Me?

11. Stop ignoring the fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it also primes people to be more open and generous with you.

I don't respect most people I interact with becuase they are stupid and don't have valid thoughts or concerns. Where my next hit of meth is coming from, or how many Coors Beers can I shotgun on friday night or will jeff gordon win the nascar this weekend are not valid thoughts. I don't care about their perspective and I don't want to understand it. Their position in the world is where it is because they aren't self aware enough to bother trying to do anything about it.

12. Stop seeking approval so hard. Approach people with the belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.

Approval is how you get ahead, I know what disapproval has gotten me. Precisely nothing. teachers disapprove, you get bad grades, you get held back, you flunk out. jobs disapprove you don't get raises you don't get better positions, you get fired. etc.

13. Stop considering the same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re older is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $5 lattes, or not having gone out to brunch enough times, or not having spent enough time on the internet. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic thing. You’ve figured out drinking and going out. You’ve experimented enough. You’ve gotten your fill of internet memes. Figure something else out.

Why? I consider the fact that I've had very little luck with sexual partners to be an extremely bad thing. It's something I will regret when I'm older just as I regret it now. You won't regret not drinking enough beer in your 20's because you've got the whole rest of your life to drink beer, or go to brunch, or drink 5$ lattes. But you only have a limited window to have sexual partners before you're too old to do it. Everything else in the entire world has all the time in your life to add more to the tally, but once you've hit say.. 40.. unless you're rich.. or some how still attractive or famous.. your ability to get attractive sex partners is basically nill.

14. Stop rejecting the potential to feel pain. Suffering is a universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.

Why? Why should I actively seek out pain? I'd rather do nothing than fail at something. I'd rather sit at home rather than go out and be rejected, again. I'd rather narrow my vision to things I already know I'm good at than try to add in things I'm not good at and that risk potential problems.

15. Stop approaching adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things more tense.

Why not? If the problem hadn't have arisen in the first place, I wouldn't be angry. Why shouldn't I hate the person who's trying to prevent me from getting what I want? Why should I be understanding when they aren't going to be understanding? No one ever seems to want to be understanding with my problems.. I don't understand why it always has to be me that compromises.. yet when I compromise constantly.. it just leads to more people taking advantage of me and keeping me from getting what I want.

16. Stop meeting anger with anger. People will make you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful. Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to respond immediately, don’t.

I'm not allowed to meet anger with violence, so meeting it with anger is the only acceptable solution. if you meet anger with pacificity, you get shot or crucified.. it's happened over and over and over again throughout history.

17. Stop agreeing to do things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through, though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.

See that's just it, I'll go out of my way to do everything I tell some one I'm going to do. I've gone so far as to rent a car for an entire weekend because I told some one I would do something and then wasn't able to get a car to use to go do it. I go WAY out of my way to make sure I never "Lie" to anyone about something that I'm going to do.

18. Stop ‘buying’ things you know you’ll throw away. Invest in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.

Why should I stop buying things that make me momentariliy happy? If a movie or a book makes me happy.. why shouldn't I buy it? There are never any oppertuinities to be had here. None that I want anyway. I agree though about the parasitic friendships. I'm down to less than a half dozen people on earth who I'd actually consider my real friends now. The rest are only there when they want something, and are more than happy to play with your emotions to get what they want..

19. Stop being afraid.
How can I when everything points to disaster at every turn? Nothing ever seems to work out no matter how hard I work at it. Fear is a natural response and it keeps us safe.

Jesus f**k. tl;dr

This list seems to apply mostly to people who have had at least one serious job, who have taken part in the high school and college social scenes, and who have developed their personalities at least to some degree. They don't so much apply to people like myself who feel sort of like "27 going on 13". Except maybe the parts about leaving one's comfort zone, but then, just merely leaving it is not too productive unless you have someone to help you understand a bit how the world works.

Along those lines, to rabbittss:
I think by "don't be so comfortable", the writer of that list means exactly what I said above, leave your comfort zone from time to time. I.e. don't settle into a rut where you are so tightly clinging to the familiar that you don't expand your view of the world. As far as I can gather, this entails being comfortable with yourself, yet also able to see where you may need to grow (which in itself requires enough of an identity that changing doesn't render you spineless or completely lost).

rabbittss, almost nothing you wrote indicates that the problem is a lack of explanation of how to do these things. It mostly just seems like you are complaining about the advice or complaining about your life and other people.

You seem like you have a lot of built up anger and you also described depressive episodes up there, I'm being serious, not trying to upset you, but have you got anyone to talk to, like a counselor? Have you ever seen a therapist or a doctor about your depression and low moods?

Nothing upsetting with asking that, and yes I have, and no I don't really because their answers are always the same. "Take these pills". But the pills. never. work. All they do is make me more miserable.

They don't make me feel any better, they destroy my sex drive, and make me so lethargic I get even less done than normal.

So I quit taking them, and when I quit taking them I'm an 'uncooperative patient' and then they quit letting me talk to the therapists.

... thought I'd throw that maxim into the mix for anyone who cares. It was engraved over the door leading from the team locker room to the playing field, and it may be a reason why the team had such a great winning record.

At the risk of giving the generic sort of advice that you're probably been given before, something I try to stick to is that if my head is messing up, try to focus on the body. Focusing on the head when the head is messing up = just more brooding. IOW, force a workout routine and massive vitamin/nutrition focus. Coming out of massive depression followed by on and off again downward slopes, this has helped me a bit.

As for the list, I need to work on 5, 10, and 12 specifically. When I'm happy, I'm in my comfort zone and don't want to budge an inch. When I'm sad, I'm nitpicking and blaming myself for everything.

Funny how most of the things you said to stop doing are very common human traits