Should I stay or should I go?

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I don't even want to admit how many times I have fallen victim to this scenario. The second I hear the words "I'm confused" when it comes to a relationship it's "peace out"..

Really!! She can be confused. I just wouldn't hang around til she 'figures things out'. "I'm confused" is just an excuse to jerk you around. It is ultimately up to you but you asked and I say it's time to go. You deserve better.

Funny this is brought up. Had a converation with one friend in the group about things that happened between me and hte girl and came clean and told her what happened. This friend had organized all the hangouts for the most part and brought us all together is moving back to Toronto so she is going through an emotional time herself in that regard. It appears she and the girl herself had an issue last night, and the issue was mostly on the confused girl's part So I got to see things from an outside perspective as to how she is treating others in the group. This girl that likes to confuse, is just like a younger version of me... Doesn't realize how her actions will affect others and doesn't realize that people will grow impatient with her attitude and actions. She mayhave realized that I dealt with the pain of letting go someone else who turned out to be a better fit in the process for her only to have her reveal that she wasn't leaving her bf. I can assure you based on what happened with the girl that I hurt, I can't go back on that one and even apologize for it since she specifically asked for no-communication. What she didn't realize is exactly in what way she is upsetting me or is justifying it.

I am taking this girl to the bus station later on today. She advise me to talk to another girl in the group because she was seemingly more aware of the emotions I was going through and noticed that I was distancing myself from the confused one in the group when hanging out over the last three weeks. It became clear to the two other girls at one point that s**t went down and I was keeping my mouth shut about it. The advice I got was to distance myself from the rest of the group and the situation and let everyone else run their course with the confused girl. She believes that everyone else will lose their patience with her as I already did. But before that, I have to communicate with the other girl exactly what happened so that noone asks questions as to why I am not around for a while.

I'm a little lost. Who are you taking to the bus station? And who are you explaining to? The same girl?

Talking with another girl within the group of friends. She organized hangouts for the most part and has dealt with enough agitation from the girl herself and apparently the whole group shares the same sentiment. But for me, because of how I got involved, I am the one that has to distant myself.
And the third girl in the group is the one I am supposed to talk things over with so that noone else in the group questions what is going on with me.
The girl I slept with should know full well at this point why I am walking away. She messaged me last night with a kissy message and got ignored. She will notice I am not on her friends list anymore when she goes to tag me in a photo. If she doesn't speak up, I then know she didn't care to begin with.

Oh man.
Going for another girl so soon now makes you the confused one.
Especially in the same group of girls? They're friends for a reason.

That's not what is going on at all.. sorry for any miscommunication. Just two other girls in the same group I came clean to about what is going on, and they agree with the decisions I am making, and are frustrated with the girl that slept with me and the way she is behaving to make that clear.

They're young girls. They'll agree with you, and talk s**t about you when they're talking to her.
But I'm glad to hear you're not trying to be romantically involved with them, they sound like a bunch of girls stuck in high school.

Just be careful. Don't try to pit one against the other. It will end of backfiring on you. I'm not saying this is what you are doing. I'm just saying be careful. Girls can be manipulative when they are trying to get some juicy gossip. I don't know your group so I can't say this is what's happening. One of my favorite sayings goes like this:

Be careful who you open up to. Only a few really care, others are just curious.

The two girls did ask me to speak to the girl I had been with and tell her how I feel.
I did my best to communicate that if I can't have her because she can't make the decision to leave her bf, then I have no choice but to avoid communicating with her until we can agree on what our friendship/relationship should be about. This confused girl feels being friends with me is not an option if I can't communicate with her until she learns to make up her mind for herself. Says she will stop hanging out with all of us with the exception of the other guy she likes to hang out with in the group. She stated somewhat sarcastically "You clearly don't trust me because obviously you are judging me and think that I am a whore." and "I will never make up my mind so you know you should leave now because your being unhappy is my fault." I couldn't seem to get it to her that she doesn't make me unhappy, it's the situation that makes me unhappy and that I wasn't being judgmental or trying to be. There was a comment about how she feels everyone is trying to control her when in fact I and others are quite protective of her (another story about creeps at clubs stalking her and not taking no for an answer and her seeming inability to handle it alone on more than one occasion).

I don't trust her word when she says she won't hang out with the group anymore. I came back and told the other two girls that I will have to stop hanging out for the time being and see what decisions the confused one makes. I don't see any other option at this point and I had no choice but to bring up the fact that the confused one has to make decisions for herself and unfortunately, this sounded like an ultimatum to her and probably to everyone that reads this as well. I sit back and see what happens from this moment since I still have eyes and ears in the group and all I have to hear is "Stop" or "Go."

I wonder why?


This means that she thinks she's a whore; never a good scenario.

Here's what is happening alright:
- She doesn't want to be with her boyfriend anymore
- But she doesn't want to be alone
- So she sleeps with you, hoping you'll rescue her from this
- Turns out you're not just some douche who only wants sex
- Now her emotions get involved, irrationality sinks in
- You are now saying you want her to make a choice
- She will take this as rejection
- She now has to either come crawling back to you (women never crawl back) or find some other guy (Try to guess who that will be hm? See above quote)

What should happen now:
- You learn to keep your dick in your pants if you want to be friends with a group of people
- You avoid confused girls who jump from one boyfriend to the next from now on

Good luck

I agree with all of this. I probably would have been a wee bit more diplomatic, lol but I agree none the less.

I was going to create another thread, but there is a follow up. I am just going to post a bit of details.
From a friendship perspective with the whole group, everything is on hold for me. The confused one and I did have a brief conversation where we worked out our differences. But later on, she asked me "If I dumped my bf, would you take me as I am and not run away?" I said I would if she was serious. Her response made me feel rejected "I don't have time to think about this right now with my finals around the corner. You won't be hearing much from me. Take care." I said take your time, and started to accept that she was walking away.

Good Friday came. She communicates "Have a happy Easter Mikey." I reply a few hours later and I am in a peaceful state and have taken responsibility for causing some tension in the group and communicate it to the group. I give a greeting back to the girl and tell her "with a clear head, I take responsibility for my actions that may have caused you any pain and any tension to anyone in the group. I now accept what is, and I am now letting go and moving on. Take care."

She responds at night saying she agrees to move on. However, after asking her if this means we won't be seeing eachother in group hangouts anymore, she reveals she dumped her bf and that she hated having to do it since he cried and showed that he really cared, and that I was running away. She now is saying she has noone (BS) and that she doesn't believe I care one bit and wasn't sure if I was running away because I didn't gain anything from her. This is my response:

No deep thought required. But I will not make this any more clear that I care.
It takes guts to walk away, and sometimes the other person doesn't see it coming. You are a little hurt at having to hurt someone you love and I understand that. I have been there and it sucks. But you learn to accept it and let go.
I didn't walk away from you as you might say. I had a problem that I needed to address and I knew I caused you some pain. I cause a lot of people pain and some still are in my life because we dealt with the problem instead of run away from eachother. I chose to deal with the problem I had over you and accept my responsiblity for it. Big difference between running away since running away doesn't fix anything. I will not assume this will fix or make anything better, but I am doing my best here to show you that I do care.
I gained valuable experience from you and helped me learn something too. Letting go truly does show that you care about something and I learned that today. I won't tell you how you feel as I know that you may need to learn how you truly feel on your own.
The last month and a bit forced me to grow even further and this growing process has brought its pain as well as it's good memories. I will thank you for them. I do believe to a degree that maybe it wasn't the right time for us as we entered eachothers life difficult times for eachother. But I never felt something as natural as when I was around you. I can tell you that today, I felt at peace for the first time in a while after I told you that I was going to let go. I hope you find your peace.

Take care and night night.

Like I said;


"I don't have time to think about it"??? Clearly she doesn't think much at all.
You're wasting your time man, really..
Getting the last word, and explaining yourself in such a verbose way is completely wasted on this girl who "doesn't have time to think". Just take this as a lesson, it's one I REALLY hard a hard time learning apparently.... if a girl just broke up with her boyfriend, yes, she will probably sleep with you. Then she will either straight up ditch you, or be extremely clingy and a terrible girlfriend (clearly - since she left her old boyfriend a few days ago, derp).
Good luck, you sound like a fairly smart guy, just not using the right head at the moment.

There is a reason why i am putting my friendship wiht the whole group on hold. The reason I say she has noone being BS is because I know she still has the other guy in the group. I just accepted things as they were and let go. I have been out of town and back home visiting old friends and family and spending almost all of my alone time reading, meditating and exercising. I gotta say that this is the most peaceful I have felt in over a month.
I will have to deal with the friendship with the group at a later date. I'm sure a solution will come when I least expect it.

Time and life is too precious to waste... So you know what to do.