I seem to have lost contact with someone I met on OKCupid.

Post Reply New Topic

Oh freaking wonderful. I'm afraid you misjudged my intentions here. You see, at this point I know that nothing is going come from this, save just internet friendship.

Let me come clean about my intentions here: In the beginning, I was intending to pursue a relationship with her (which is not actually a secret, because that is after all the primary reason why was on a dating website - to find someone to have a relationship with). However, it's also true that by the time I started this thread, I had already built up an on-line friendship with her, so everything I have said in this thread about wanting friendship with her is true. I started this thread when I lost contact with her because I was bit distressed at the time that I lost contact with someone I liked. It was not just because I wanted to be friends with though I was, but because I at that stage, I was still interested in a attempting to date her as well, though I was interested in friendship as well.

You seem to be of the impression that I had only one motivation. What has happened recently however, is that by the time I had that chance twitter message, I had already gotten over this intention (obviously, because it was long time afterwards and I had already gone back to OKCupid). However, after most of my efforts on OKCupid had failed, I did take the conscious opportunity to see if she was still single (which only last night, I discovered that she wasn't), I'll admit to that as well. However, that doesn't mean at all that the friendship I had built up with her was fake. I'm still interested in that. You've asked me to consider what this might look like to other people around, me, but what do you think it would look like to her if I suddenly dropped all contact with her because I have discovered that she had a boyfriend? That's the kind of behaviour that female WP complain about when they talk about the Nice Guy (TM) syndrome - when guys have friendships with them for the ulterior motive of pursuing a relationship and then disappear when it isn't forthcoming. In my case this isn't true, it simply happened to be both. As far as she's concerned, we're friends. So, no I'm not going to break off the friendship part of it simply because my other original motivation didn't work out (which she knows about). Does that make any sense?

It is clearly obvious the woman does not care for the OP. Hacked account means she just doesn't care. The OP needs to move on and forget about her forever as she is not a real friend and doesn't care for him.

If that's the case, you should have this thread moved to the "Social Skills and making friends" forum since you have no romantic interest in her and she isn't the slightest bit romantically attracted to you and will never date you. This doesn't belong in the L&D forum.

That's fine. The reason why it's here though is because I did initially have a romantic interest in her, at least 4 months ago I did. It's just that after last night, I know that's not going to work out but friendship is still on the cards. I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

You first exchanged conversation on a dating site, no one's going to judge you for not being her friend....
If it were a case of you being friends in the first place, then yes it would most likely be looked at as a Nice Guy scenario.
I'm glad you find the friendship with this person of meaning, though don't feel obligated to be her friend for the sake of your appearance to others.
I'm sure she won't think much about you not being her friend if you just stop talking to her. But hey if you enjoy talking with her fine, friendship is cool beans...

You'll have to forgive me for being overly analytic of the situation. It's just that this is the dating section of the forums, and you still show a great interest for this girl. I mean, I have female friends, I wouldn't keep talking about them here unless I was interested in them in some way beyond friends. Well, that's just me anyways. All the best with this friendship.

Diet and working out are essential. I used to weigh 260 lbs. Women never looked at me. After 4 years and slimming down to 170 then bulking up to 180, women definitely notice me, even if I pass them. I'm not being arrogant or anything, but it will help.

You also have to remember those dating websites are mostly off looks anyway. You gotta' figure that people can be as picky as they want on those sites and not have to show for it.