FUC*ING signs

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I do that too....

edit: and sometimes I view flirting as just being friendly and I have missed out on COUNTLESS relationships/hookups due to that, which is even more frustrating than the prior

It looks like a lot of these women can't be that happy/sexually fulfilled in their relationships if they're feeling the need to flirt so heavily with other men.

Some may be bored in their relationships or they might just like the power trip of being able to get a man all hot and bothered

I don't relate to this type of woman - it's usually the ultra-feminine, really up themself, 'I can get any man I want' types who engage in this type of behaviour and it wouldn't happen if men didn't act like lapdogs when this type of woman clicked her fingers

Making others waste their time—i.e. their life—is kind of the very definition of power, regardless of context. No wonder it’s so enjoyable for those who practise it.

Also, just because a person is engaged or married does not mean they are always just flirting. If the flirting continued it could well turn into a fling

That's the way these things work

I'm assuming the men on here want an unattached person though

I'm clueless, myself so don't have much constructive to add.

Not to single you out, but your post seems to be a theme for some men, and my questions are meant the same. Why do men have such a feeling of victimization about women? How can a women (or anyone) make you do something? There are no guarantees or promises in life...taking a women to dinner doesn't mean she's cheating you out of sex if she demurs. I find this mindset very frightening, because there's no ownership there.

Ding Ding Ding

We have a winner. I am not being sarcastic. You have correctly figured out what was actually going on in that exchange. I've been having exchanges like that all my life (as the woman) and you are 100% correct.

edited to add: I have never given a random man my phone number. But doing so was much less common in my day since cellphones hadn't been invented yet.

ok now that we have posted these situations the thing i would like to ask is well gentleman what we are gonna do about it??anyone here who has been in a relationship for more than two months?! !

I guess it depends on the person and scenario.

I never said which sex does it more often. I was talking in very general terms, and sure, unless someone physically coërces you to pay attention to them, it is you who enables them to waste your time, but I don’t think that makes it any less enjoyable for them—quite the opposite

Thanks for your personal verification of what I had stated.

It's not even my own personal theory anyway and it's not just supported by anecdotes. There was a study conducted that showed that men were more bothered by the idea of their women having passionate sex with other men than the idea that they were emotionally close to other men. For women, it was the other way around.

How autistic are your two boys? Are they the type that strangers in the room with them would notice there's something odd about them?

I see some signs but my usual approach to the situation is with the lack of tact, similar to using a crowbar to opening up a tin can instead of using small, complex yet very effective can opener.

They were both dx'd with PDD-NOS. The older one went through intensive Early Intervention and the other one is mild PDD-NOS and is currently undergoing Early Intervention. Both of them you wouldn't necessarily know from looking at them that they are on the spectrum unless you knew what to look for. With the older one it comes out in his literal thinking, his special interests, sensory issues, difficulty with transitions, his inability to navigate in groups, sporadic eye contact/selective hearing, his inability to control/recover from his anger, and overstimulation at parties. His repetitive behaviors are much diminished and he can now make a back-and-forth conversation and makes much more eye contact than previously, and will even engage in pretend play which he didn't before. My youngest still has no speech, makes sporadic eye contact, has various sensory issues, gets overstimulated at parties and has repetitive behaviors. Both children are still very self-directed.

This is what I think:
Case 1 - thought you were gay (I've concluded this based on how quickly she was at ease in your presence and the touching, sharing of personal information etc that is not usual behaviour around hetro male-female relations imo)
Case 2 - probably utterly miserable in her marriage (hence no wedding ring and relishing your attention)
Case 3 - likely highly insecure (as is making a huge deal out of something that shouldn't be. Not talking to someone with headphones on is totally reasonable. I wish more people would take the hint [as I've had people try and talk to me - I mean weirdo's at bus stops etc -regardless of the headphones and it's really annoying).

so normal people are allowed to bug other normal people when they have their earphones on? "oh just a quick question"

You can teach only them good manners, respect, kindness, hygiene... you know, the common matters to make a good personality.

You can't directly teach them how to do that, but instead you can help them to become the type of men who are desirable by a large portion of women - hence making their dating navigation easier and more effective (more choices = less desperate = higher probability of finding a good match = Power of choice).

Social confidence is attractive but it comes after successes and achievements, not the other way around, it's the product of success, good self-esteem, positive self-image and having relatively aceptable social skills.

Here are some things you can do:

- Height: Let's face it, many women love tall men in general (Ooops! a generalization, kill me members! kill me! duh) and most women love men to be taller than themselves so the more inches the more prospects , there are genetic limitations to height but you can help them with natural Growth hormone boosters, there are some types of foods that do that, seek them up on the internet and get what's available in your area, also there are other type of food that block growth hormone like processed sugar.

- Don't be a helicopter parent: Google how to not be one, that would allow them to grow better and more mature adults, it would allow them to take responsibility.

- Don't let them become limited to geeky activities: Girls usually don't like the typical geeks, even geek girls themselves (oops, another sweeping generalization! I am gonna die!). And geeks girls are so rare, in a local forum for geeks, the total number of females there are ...2.

Geeks are so portrayed negatively in the media (losers, virgins forever, ugly...etc), not attractive image per se.
If your boys have geeky interests and are geek in general, then don't let them to totally give up to just geeky activities like gaming and computers. Encourage them to have non-geek outdoor activities too, like sports, camping and music ,those would boost their social lives.

Now geek enthusiasts might tell you "if they are geek then let them be geek and pride!" - yea right, keep in mind that life is lived once and believe me, if you go to geek forums you'll find that a lot of them are depressed and not content with their lives, especially with their love lives.

If they have geeky tendency then don't let your boys to grow into typical geeks, instead support them to grow into individuals with geeky interests but not limited to them.

- At least one martial arts sport: It would boost their discipline and self-esteem and it would allow them to stand up against bullies at school, and no, you can't do anything about the bullying there, they are on their own there and they have to deal with it by themselves. Telling the principles won't do, you want to stop bullies from bullying them? Then let them get the skill and strength to punch the bully on the face and make him an example in front of others, that's the only way to stop the bullies, I bet that a bullying-victim isn't attractive and yes bullies (boys) tend to bully victims (boys) in front of girls for greater humiliation.

The younger to enroll in a martial art, the better. Their father should encourage them the most.

- Certain sport activities: Cycling, skating, bowling, horseriding ....those are typical "couple sports", encourage them to get involved in such sports. Aspies usually suck at ball/team sports like football, but there's no reason why they wouldn't learn well some of the solo sports I've mentioned.

- At least one floor dancing activity: It would at least teach them how to not move like monkeys on the dancing floor. Women love dancing and love men who dance well (OOPS I am not gonna survive this thread!***).

- At least one musical instrument: If they are passionate for a certain type of music then encourage them to learn how to play an instrument related to that type of music. ie. if they love heavy metal then encourage them to learn playing on electric guitar, not violin or piano...etc

- Grooming: Use your woman sense on this matter, if they are wearing something too off tell them girls won't like that. Follow up with the latest mainstream fashion and haircut trends.

- Encourage them to start dating at a young age: If they're 15-16 years old already and not dating yet then ask them why, experience is key even if they're gonna get screwed at first.

PS: If you are limited in budget then you can always find alternative solutions, like if you have a relative who dances well then he might help them at that, or if there some of those things you or your husband know to do then don't hesitate to teach them....

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Apr 2013, 3:52 am, edited 1 time in total.