22 Apr 2013, 3:51 pm
22 Apr 2013, 4:21 pm
theNTgirl wrote:
Moridin8 wrote:
Ultimatums are stupid and foolish no matter the predisposition of either partner to aspergers.
Silly you...
Silly you...
Okay, Okay i get it ! I have made a mistake !
now, do you all want to punish me for it?I'd rather have some tips ( if there are any) on how to fix this? is it even 'fixable' ??
BTW My MBTI type is ENTJ
so that explains my impulsiveness and the need to set rules Quit making excuses for your actions. Nobody's punishing you - merely pointing out the rotten thing you did.
Wanna' fix it? To him: Acknowledge it was wrong, apologize, and don't repeat it.
Now, just to be fair, what was this ultimatum you gave him? It might actually be totally legit, like "if you don't stop [doing x very harmful/hurtful/hateful thing] this relationship can't continue."
I'm hoping this wasn't as shallow as improper toothpaste squeezing or leaving the toilet seat up.
22 Apr 2013, 4:21 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,051
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
22 Apr 2013, 4:22 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,051
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
22 Apr 2013, 4:28 pm
BlueMax wrote:
what was this ultimatum you gave him?
What if the ultimatum was about making death lists of WP users?
Tyri0n
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Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
22 Apr 2013, 4:36 pm
theNTgirl wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Are you a borderline? lol. You sure sound like one. I bet he's super confused by your behavior. 
well, that would make two of us. I am super confused by his behaviour too
for 4 months I have been the ' coolest' and easiest person he has ever met ( he has said so himself). I endured all his disappearances and all his antics and NEVER complained ( I know there is people who keep up with this for years but mind you I did not know nor assume he had aspergers and I still never complained). However, we came to a point where I expected to take ' the next' step with him and it seems like he did not do it. He did not behave like a platonic friends when we spoke, he spoke like a boyfriend YET we would communicate less than platonic friends at times and this confused me and brought me to this ! !
Sorry if I sound crazy
Dumping someone and then changing one's mind the same day sounds crazy, like an emotional dysregulation issue.
That said, I think people with your type of impulsive behavior tend to be more empathetic and understanding, so maybe you are good for him. Why don't you just communicate to him clearly that you didn't mean to dump him? Keep it simple. Our brains are not as sophisticated as yours.
22 Apr 2013, 4:36 pm
22 Apr 2013, 4:50 pm
22 Apr 2013, 5:30 pm
Tyri0n wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
Are you a borderline? lol. You sure sound like one. I bet he's super confused by your behavior.
well, that would make two of us. I am super confused by his behaviour too
for 4 months I have been the ' coolest' and easiest person he has ever met ( he has said so himself). I endured all his disappearances and all his antics and NEVER complained ( I know there is people who keep up with this for years but mind you I did not know nor assume he had aspergers and I still never complained). However, we came to a point where I expected to take ' the next' step with him and it seems like he did not do it. He did not behave like a platonic friends when we spoke, he spoke like a boyfriend YET we would communicate less than platonic friends at times and this confused me and brought me to this ! !
Sorry if I sound crazy
Dumping someone and then changing one's mind the same day sounds crazy, like an emotional dysregulation issue.
That said, I think people with your type of impulsive behavior tend to be more empathetic and understanding, so maybe you are good for him. Why don't you just communicate to him clearly that you didn't mean to dump him? Keep it simple. Our brains are not as sophisticated as yours.
I dumped him two weeks ago. And I did not dump him because I wanted to but because he hurt me with his question and left me with no other options ( or so I thought in that blink of a moment).
22 Apr 2013, 5:33 pm
BlueMax wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
Moridin8 wrote:
Ultimatums are stupid and foolish no matter the predisposition of either partner to aspergers.
Silly you...
Silly you...
Okay, Okay i get it ! I have made a mistake !
now, do you all want to punish me for it?I'd rather have some tips ( if there are any) on how to fix this? is it even 'fixable' ??
BTW My MBTI type is ENTJ
so that explains my impulsiveness and the need to set rules Quit making excuses for your actions. Nobody's punishing you - merely pointing out the rotten thing you did.
Wanna' fix it? To him: Acknowledge it was wrong, apologize, and don't repeat it.
Now, just to be fair, what was this ultimatum you gave him? It might actually be totally legit, like "if you don't stop [doing x very harmful/hurtful/hateful thing] this relationship can't continue."
I'm hoping this wasn't as shallow as improper toothpaste squeezing or leaving the toilet seat up.
Actually my ultimatum involved just that : I said " If we do not talk this out and find a compromise that will suit us both, I will have to leave you as I cannot continue like this anymore"
and my ultimatum was backed up by an honest letter about my feelings and the first thing he does when he came online was : trina, what I dont understand is the following: did we, in your opinion, cross the friendship status ?
to me, it seemed as if he was ' taking the piss' and after everything that happened including the letter I wrote, it seemed to me as if such a question was not necessary. Now, after talking to a few people on here I understood that he needed that validation....
22 Apr 2013, 5:43 pm
22 Apr 2013, 5:46 pm
theNTgirl wrote:
Fnord wrote:
theNTgirl wrote:
... I set an ultimatum for him ...
theNTgirl wrote:
... My 'ultimatum' consisted of a compromise ...
So which was it: an ultimatum or a compromise?
If there was an "... or else" clause attached to it, then it was an ultimatum. Otherwise, a compromise is reached by negotiation, which involves a two-way dialog, and not a one-sided "discussion" (i.e., "We need to talk...").
It was an ultimatum to have a two-day dialogue about our situation OR I would leave. I had written him a previous letter ( which was not direct enough I must admit ) that he read but would not mention anymore at all. So this time, I said " this and this and this is what happened this is how i feel but if we want this to work we need to talk it out. If we dont talk it out I must go "
My only fault in this ( which I admit) is that I got mad at his question and did not let him continue and tell me what he wanted to say
that is all...and all my friends ( when they read the way he worded his question about our status) told me how much of a moron I have been for taking that as an insult as they are all convinced that he just wanted reassurance.Don't take this the wrong way, but the way I see it, that wasn't your only fault. The whole ultimatum thing was not cool. I'd have disappeared as well.
22 Apr 2013, 6:38 pm
22 Apr 2013, 8:16 pm
22 Apr 2013, 8:49 pm
22 Apr 2013, 9:10 pm
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