have to have confidence

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appletheclown
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30 Apr 2013, 7:16 am

BlueMax wrote:

appletheclown wrote:

DialAForAwesome wrote:

Confidence is not only not the end-all be-all like others claim, but people can't even define what it means to be confident when they say this.

The correct term is courage, not confidence. Bravado, courage, and skill, not confidence.

I agree. Most of the gals demanding that "confidence" are after what you mentioned rather than mere confidence itself. Very well articulated.

Much obliged.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 7:28 am

appletheclown said it right.

mds_02
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30 Apr 2013, 7:33 am

BlueMax wrote:

appletheclown wrote:

DialAForAwesome wrote:

Confidence is not only not the end-all be-all like others claim, but people can't even define what it means to be confident when they say this.

The correct term is courage, not confidence. Bravado, courage, and skill, not confidence.

I agree. Most of the gals demanding that "confidence" are after what you mentioned rather than mere confidence itself. Very well articulated.

Seconded. Though I'll point out that the skill part may not be strictly necessary if you have enough of the first two.

Or that, if you have enough of the first two to keep trying, over and over again, skill can be developed.

Either way, when they say "confidence," they don't mean the guy who approaches every interaction thinking he's gonna get the girl. They mean the guy who is willing to risk failure, and thinks highly enough of himself that he's not gonna take rejection personally.

The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 7:39 am

Funny that no women have yet replied in this thread to tell us what the hell they mean by confidence.

Hey YOU!! Yes, I am talking to you Miss, you the one who's looking at this thread right now, I can see you, drinking coffee, your hair totally in mess and without make up too, I invite you to post in this thread to tell us what do you mean by Confidence.

anneya
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30 Apr 2013, 8:02 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Is my webcam on. (currently drinking bucket loads of coffee, with hair and face as described)

Quiet confidence of being relaxed with himself and others and self-assured, even if he likes to wear Spiderman t shirts, or whatever. Knows what he wants and not belligerent about it. Its a tough balance to achieve. Courage or bravado is not on my list really; it is sexy when someone wrestles with a tiger sure, and well done to you, but I would prefer someone who devises a smart way of taking it down without going near it.

If you are perceived as being different, it is harder to be confident about or within yourself, unless you learn not to care or actually don't care. Being a smelly is not appealing, obviously, whether confident or not.

I think there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Arrogance in my mind is when you are too confident.

Sometimes all you need is a confident sounding voice. Ultimately I think, confidence is a mixture of attributes in the context of attraction and doesn't have an absolute definition.

MjrMajorMajor
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30 Apr 2013, 8:02 am

He can....see me..... :lol:

I agree that confidence can come from skill, but I think it's more about being comfortable with who you are....including whatever faults come with that. Even if social skills aren't your strong suit, there are good qualities that round things out. Confidence is not being reliant on outside attention or feedback to know you're a decent person. Does that make better sense?

The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 8:24 am

I see dead people.

You two look like zombies.

Quote:

Does that make better sense?

No. Honestly, no, both of you confused the hell of me. The males' theories made more sense here, sorry.

I regret inviting you.

PsychoSarah
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30 Apr 2013, 8:26 am

Confidence: acting as though you aren't about to pee yourself at the idea of asking a girl out.

The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 8:28 am

PsychoSarah wrote:

Confidence: acting as though you aren't about to pee yourself at the idea of asking a girl out.

Isn't that the same as courage and social skill? Or at least requires both as others pointed out?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 30 Apr 2013, 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

appletheclown
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30 Apr 2013, 8:34 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

He can....see me.....

I agree that confidence can come from skill, but I think it's more about being comfortable with who you are....including whatever faults come with that. Even if social skills aren't your strong suit, there are good qualities that round things out. Confidence is not being reliant on outside attention or feedback to know you're a decent person. Does that make better sense?

By definition, confidence generally means: Being sure or assuming something is going to go the way you want it, or planned it to happen, and in that way gives you a sense of relief.

It actually does not have anything to do with being content with who you are/having a high self esteem at all.

You ladies need a thesaurus, or a dictionary when dating it seems. *joke*

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The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 8:40 am

Quote:

By definition, confidence generally means: Being sure or assuming something is going to go the way you want it, or planned it to happen, and in that way gives you a sense of relief.

True that, and in order to have this feeling you need to have the required skill in order to succeed in what you planned, otherwise you would be a delusional arrogant loser.

appletheclown
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30 Apr 2013, 8:41 am

Courage is separate from confidence, as confidence is separate from a high self esteem, as a high self esteem is separate from courage. These are all separate issues, and when presented to an analytical mind of an aspie male, it gives the impression women are giving you a list, to a certain point. You need to say you want all those things instead of just playing the confidence card, and assuming we know what you mean.

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Last edited by appletheclown on 30 Apr 2013, 8:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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30 Apr 2013, 8:42 am

appletheclown wrote:

Courage is separate from confidence, as confidence is separate from a high self esteem, as a high self esteem is separate from courage. These are all separate issues, and when presented to an analytical mind of an aspie male, it give the impression women are giving you a list, to a certain point. You need to say you want all those things instead of just playing the confidence card, and assuming we know what you mean.

appletheclown, can I hug you?

No homo, really.

appletheclown
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30 Apr 2013, 8:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

appletheclown wrote:

Courage is separate from confidence, as confidence is separate from a high self esteem, as a high self esteem is separate from courage. These are all separate issues, and when presented to an analytical mind of an aspie male, it give the impression women are giving you a list, to a certain point. You need to say you want all those things instead of just playing the confidence card, and assuming we know what you mean.

appletheclown, can I hug you?

No homo, really.

Sure!

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anneya
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30 Apr 2013, 8:47 am

appletheclown wrote:

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

He can....see me.....

A definition is not general. It defines the meaning of a word. Confidence can be defined as either having confidence in something, which you described, or a personal attribute as others have described. I though we were discussing the latter, in the context of attraction

anneya
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30 Apr 2013, 8:52 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I see dead people.

You two look like zombies.

Quote:

Does that make better sense?

No. Honestly, no, both of you confused the hell of me. The males' theories made more sense here, sorry.

I regret inviting you.

Tis a shame, I only replied because you seemed confident

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