Gentlemen, I have the solution to your problems.

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aspiemike
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02 May 2013, 3:50 pm

To follow up why I agree with the OP:
Once I was able to understand how my mind influences my decision making, I decided to go from there. Some decision making can be influenced by emotions, which isn't always a rational thing to do either. Other times, it's easy to let a feeling of fear take over and influence you to give up rather than continue fighting. The idea is to be at peace with yourself. As soon as you can accept yourself for who you are, the easier it is to grow and go out and get what you want. It's that simple. Sure, you might have setbacks and the diffence between overcoming and getting stuck is based on how you deal with a setback.



feenie
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02 May 2013, 4:12 pm

Not everyone on the spectrum is the same. Someone in another thread (V for Vendetta I believe) gave very practical advice to help Aspie men in the dating realm. But I feel like following the advice that "successful" guys give here would mean compromising who I am and my value system. I can't force myself to change my core personality just to try to chase after "love". Love is basically two people who want to have sex with each other who have enough in common and get along well enough falling prey to the release of post-coital oxytocin. Love is nothing special. It's basically a chemical release that influences the male to stick around long enough to improve the survival of the woman's baby. Historically, mating couples were serial monogamous and it wasn't unusual for cave women to have multiple baby daddies. There are plenty of people on this planet who are too fugly to be loved (I know a lot of ugly people are in couples. It's called settling). Or too weird, eccentric, abnormal, nonconforming to be loved. Why would I worship something that is exclusionary and socially stratified in nature? I was bullied as a child for being fat and weird (no longer fat but still weird). Those scars stayed with me and made me hate people. Whenever I see cases of bullying like the Amanda Todd situation, my heart bleeds. The difference is that peoples' hearts bleed for Amanda because she's cute. They don't bleed for the countless other people who get bullied and socially excluded into suicide.

I can't accept that kind of winner vs. loser, socially stratified mentality. It is human nature for people to be competitive and to socially exclude (we are not egalitarian animals, we are pack animals). That's not something I want to be a part of. The majority of couples out there have a "what have you done for me lately?" mentality to begin with. But even when your mate is loyal to you, they would have never even looked at you if you didn't meet their checklist requirements. Relationships are forged for psychoevolutionary reasons in the first place. It has nothing to do with some higher plane, higher purpose BS.

Maybe there's something more to my brain's wiring than yours but companionship has never really been something I have yearned for. Love is an intoxicating, addicting feeling and obsessing over a girl is my favourite type of hobby obsession. That's why I like it. But that chemical effect wears off over time. If there was a drug equivalent to oxytocin (oxycodone, or what is more familiarly known as OxyContin, is not the same thing), I might as well just take that instead of bothering to get into the mess that is romantic relationships. For sex, I have escorts. I started engaging in the hobby last year. Seen about 7 call girls and had 12 sessions over the span of the full year (I haven't engaged in the hobby at all in the last 3 months+ though). I wish it was cheaper. But it gives me some pretty hot sex with hot women. Just not "love" sex. Which is more about a chemical hit and obsessions than an actual connection with someone. My purpose in life is to do what the f**k I want to do and not to be a slave to other people. It's bad enough that I am slaving away at a cubicle job 40 hours/wk+. Ideally I want to be able to monetize one of my passions and be my own boss. This is what my life purpose should be. Not to bend over backwards for women to win their approval and chase after what is essentially a drug hit.



ShamelessGit
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02 May 2013, 4:54 pm

I think most of what the OP said is nonsense.



thewhitrbbit
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02 May 2013, 10:25 pm

What I took away was,

"Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead"

and

"Don't sulk in rejection, just move on."



MXH
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02 May 2013, 11:19 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
I think most of what the OP said is nonsense.

This, I can see it working for a few, but for the majority that had failed at dating before a diagnosis it won't make a difference



OlivG
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03 May 2013, 12:20 am

Zodai wrote:
AS has both its benefits and issues - some may inhibit the dating process, some may advance it


The far most important things in the dating process (at least with NTs) is the recognization and use of the subtle cues, as well as the general social calibration, both in which the AS persons tend to fail in miserably. The cons far outweigh the pros in that scene.



SG
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03 May 2013, 9:18 am

The point of what the OP said is Don't Doubt Yourself.



PsychoSarah
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03 May 2013, 10:14 am

People do not "grow out of" Asperger's. True, many improve their social skills over time, but social interaction will still be more difficult than for most NTs. I am sick and tired of people who think that this is just a phase or that people just aren't trying hard enough. I do the best I can in social situations, but I still struggle. I even went though therapy for years; eventually, they said they had done all they could, and I was still autistic.



Zaigard
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03 May 2013, 6:58 pm

Gentlemen, Gentlemen, I have been thinking and i have the solution for death!! ! Noone ever again will think about death or disease. Also noone say again words like death, dead, disease, hurt, painfull or any other word linked to this topic.
About aging and old age you will grow out of it, eventually, so no problem...
/Sarcasm

If the solution was soo easy that even a teen could get it, then there wouldn't be any problem at all!

The reason why noone found a solution to "How ( not why ) aspies ( both man and woman ) can have less problems finding and keeping relationships and love?" is because there aren't a universal answer.
Some of us may, in time, find something that will work, but only for themself in their case.
Others like most who complain in this forum didnt found that yet, and some will never find it.
Remember life is unfair...



MCalavera
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04 May 2013, 12:48 am

Also, keep in mind some Aspies have it worse than others. So for some, the OP isn't going to be effective much. Hell, even for me, it's not useful. I've met a couple of Aspies who were better than me socially and could easily live independent lives despite the fact my Asperger's is considered mild compared to many others.



softlyspeaks41
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04 May 2013, 1:57 am

I agree with those say you don't simply "grow out of it". AS is yours to keep for the long haul. And, if the OP don't wish to see people complain about their woes, then he should feel free to go elsewhere. We have a right to blow off steam.
I love his positive attitude however