auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,618
Location: the island of defective toy santas
14 May 2013, 5:48 pm
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty. 
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,618
Location: the island of defective toy santas
14 May 2013, 5:49 pm
PsychoSarah wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
Is it fair to judge other people like that? I certainly wouldn't be in an uncommitted relationship, but that doesn't mean I think it is 100% wrong that other people want to. I am not lord of the universe, people can live their lives differently than mine without it being immoral.
I was not judging anybody with my statement, I was merely expressing a wish that there were more people like myself that I could better understand.
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
14 May 2013, 9:41 pm
auntblabby wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
That's kind of a different issue. Treating others with respect and commitment are completely different issues. I don't do the whole emotional bonding thing; in fact, I rarely feel anything about anything. Does that make me an evil person?
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,618
Location: the island of defective toy santas
14 May 2013, 10:03 pm
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
That's kind of a different issue. Treating others with respect and commitment are completely different issues. I don't do the whole emotional bonding thing; in fact, I rarely feel anything about anything. Does that make me an evil person?
I never said anything like that [I didn't call you evil.]. I guess what it boils down to, is that emotional people and unemotional people tend not to mix very well. if at all. I am getting the fact that the unemotional types tend to avoid commitment with one person and that they tend to prefer one-night stands.
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
14 May 2013, 10:30 pm
auntblabby wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
That's kind of a different issue. Treating others with respect and commitment are completely different issues. I don't do the whole emotional bonding thing; in fact, I rarely feel anything about anything. Does that make me an evil person?
I never said anything like that [I didn't call you evil.]. I guess what it boils down to, is that emotional people and unemotional people tend not to mix very well. if at all. I am getting the fact that the unemotional types tend to avoid commitment with one person and that they tend to prefer one-night stands.
I don't think it's necessarily a matter of being emotional or not. I mean, I am diagnosed with "Emotional Dysregulation Disorder" (the DSM V name for Borderline Personality Disorder), but I still don't do commitment.
I just have different emotions, like a fear of being trapped (like Kjas) but also a fear of getting entangled and then abandoned. These are emotions too.
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,618
Location: the island of defective toy santas
14 May 2013, 10:46 pm
Kjas
Veteran
Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,059
Location: the place I'm from doesn't exist anymore
15 May 2013, 1:12 am
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
That's kind of a different issue. Treating others with respect and commitment are completely different issues. I don't do the whole emotional bonding thing; in fact, I rarely feel anything about anything. Does that make me an evil person?
I never said anything like that [I didn't call you evil.]. I guess what it boils down to, is that emotional people and unemotional people tend not to mix very well. if at all. I am getting the fact that the unemotional types tend to avoid commitment with one person and that they tend to prefer one-night stands.
I don't think it's necessarily a matter of being emotional or not. I mean, I am diagnosed with "Emotional Dysregulation Disorder" (the DSM V name for Borderline Personality Disorder), but I still don't do commitment.
I just have different emotions, like a fear of being trapped (like Kjas) but also a fear of getting entangled and then abandoned. These are emotions too.
Mine is actually a mix of both of what you just said. I don't like losing my freedom, it's true - usually because when I do they try to stop me from doing my special interest. I think any aspie can understand why I would try to avoid that.
But also - yes, most of them, after getting everything "entangled" or "caught" will then proceed to abandon you anyway.
Actually I had a situation like that recently - was pushing and pushing me to "commit" but when something major finally happened - abandoned me at the worst possible time, without any good reason.
So at least for me it doesn't add up - why put up with someone else's entitlement attitude, their jealously and possessiveness, their lack of trust, and them refusing to allow me to do my special interest - when at the end of the day, when sh*t really hits the fan and I need them the most, they are just going to abandon me anyway?
15 May 2013, 1:24 am
15 May 2013, 1:13 pm
Tyri0n wrote:
Curious. It seems like there are a lot of men with this trait, or "commitment issues" as they say. But also plenty of women. As women become more liberated from traditionalism, it seems you see more and more women expressing thoughts like this too.
Why does there have to be right or wrong? The idea that there is one way to conduct relationships, or that "love" is an ideal for everyone, seems like a type of sexism imposed by some women on both men and women.
It may also tie into the "slut shaming" that some conservative women use to bully more progressive women. It also ties into the bashing of the PUA movement we see on this site. I used to think PUA was stupid, until I saw the content of some of the attacks against, which sound judgmental.
Why does there have to be right or wrong? The idea that there is one way to conduct relationships, or that "love" is an ideal for everyone, seems like a type of sexism imposed by some women on both men and women.
It may also tie into the "slut shaming" that some conservative women use to bully more progressive women. It also ties into the bashing of the PUA movement we see on this site. I used to think PUA was stupid, until I saw the content of some of the attacks against, which sound judgmental.
You pretty much hit the nail on the head.
But yeah, sex with no strings attached is not evidence of a lack of loyalty etc. It would be dishonest for me to force myself into monogamous, committed relationships. I already tried forcing myself to do that and it has always ended in a minor catastrophe.
I love my friends, I'm loyal to my friends, but I will not be in a relationship or indulge some idea that anyone is entitled to my time or my body. It sounds cold to some people but I don't f**k around with peoples' heads, I let them know where they stand with me and at the first sign of an entitled attitude, I cut it off.
I can't even estimate how many times I've been called a slut or a whore or whatever or had people say I'm basically asking for people to use my body without my consent and I'm the wrong kind of girl blah blah blah and I stopped giving a s**t mostly. f**k their morals, I'm not hurting anyone.
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone
15 May 2013, 1:15 pm
ALSO I am emotional, just as much as anyone else. I just reserve the "I love you, I'll love you forever and ever" for my dogs.
_________________
http://www.facebook.com/eidetic.onus
http://eidetic-onus.tumblr.com/
Warning, my tumblr is a man-free zone
15 May 2013, 1:22 pm
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Tyri0n wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
Adam82 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I wish there were more people here who understood loyalty.
I would be loyal...in the event that I find anyone
It seems nowadays if you do want to be traditional, and marry, and stuff, it is hard to find a place in the modern world. I haven't had a girlfriend, but commitment phobia isn't an issue for me. If anything, I think it would be the oppositeI've always known that I would be loyal in the event that I did find the right person for me. it is just a golden rule thing for me, in that I wouldn't do anything to diminish the self-esteem of whomever trusted me with their heart.
That's kind of a different issue. Treating others with respect and commitment are completely different issues. I don't do the whole emotional bonding thing; in fact, I rarely feel anything about anything. Does that make me an evil person?
I never said anything like that [I didn't call you evil.]. I guess what it boils down to, is that emotional people and unemotional people tend not to mix very well. if at all. I am getting the fact that the unemotional types tend to avoid commitment with one person and that they tend to prefer one-night stands.
I don't think it's necessarily a matter of being emotional or not. I mean, I am diagnosed with "Emotional Dysregulation Disorder" (the DSM V name for Borderline Personality Disorder), but I still don't do commitment.
I just have different emotions, like a fear of being trapped (like Kjas) but also a fear of getting entangled and then abandoned. These are emotions too.
So it is a fear?
PsychoSarah
Veteran
Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity
15 May 2013, 2:14 pm
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
15 May 2013, 3:50 pm
PsychoSarah
Veteran
Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity
15 May 2013, 3:52 pm
Tyri0n
Veteran
Joined: 24 Nov 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,879
Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
15 May 2013, 3:53 pm
PsychoSarah
Veteran
Joined: 21 Apr 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,109
Location: The division between Sanity and Insanity
15 May 2013, 3:56 pm
| Similar Topics | |
|---|---|
| I blame myself for the lack of friends I have. |
Yesterday, 8:35 pm |
| Lack of confidence and how to regain it |
09 Dec 2024, 11:19 am |
| Feel like I'm doing something wrong |
08 Jan 2025, 2:47 pm |
| Elon Musk Is Wrong About The F-35 |
13 Dec 2024, 1:44 pm |
