People Asperger's Syndrome ever dated/married a NT Person ?

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Yup, living 6 years together and almost 4 years happly married to my NT man! We know eachother now for 10 years. We started as coworkers, and 1 year after working together we start dating (on his initiative). I must say, i always dated NT men before. I couln't think of me dating of being with a man with autism, to be honest. I think i will lose my patient (since i'm not a really patient women ). I really need someone who is stable and has a good basis in life. (i also don't have a lot of 'autistic' friends, or friends with other psychic diagnosis, i just can't handle that 'kind of people' much, their often too unpredictable ) I love the fact that my husband and i are so different. I think that the reason why our relationship works, is because of our differences. My husband is the 'social' one. He's the one who is a real people-person. He's very social, empathetic, patient, kind, a good listener and just really good with people. With any kind of people, really. It is not a coincidence he did a social/cultural study, and is always surrounded by people and really good in groupdynamics. He now works as a filmmaker, and has his own filmplatform. He always works with a lot of people, leading and guiding them to whatever they need to do on everything that has to do with making a film. Always networking and socializing. I really admire him for that!

I on the otherhand, am very 'autistic' (you don't say ). I do all the work in the house, in a certain structure, but also all the technical work. I have very good technical insights (for a women). I don't like crowds that much, and don't like and read people that much as he does. I'm more at my self and more focused at 'practical and functional' things. I'm more direct as he does, because i don't always deal with the empathetic emotions (i sometimes really don't care). He's more chaos, i'm more orded and organised. He likes suprises and change, i really don't. I really need my structure and routines and like it when things are predictable. He's always looking trough life in 'short-terms' i'm more good at the 'long-terms'. He's a 'do'er' i'm more a 'thinker'. But we both are very highsensitive, and both are dreamers and achievers. We both are creative in our own way, and standing on the same line in a lot of things when it comes to life.

Over the years we really grow towards eachother. By him, i learned to let things more at eased, and let a little bit of spontaneity and chaos in my life. And he learned from me that a little bit of structure, routine and order can make you very happy Despite that my husband is a man with maybe a little bit of -'female-energy' and me as a women with a little bit of 'man-energy' in me, i'm really a girly-girl. I really like feminine stuff. I guess we have got just the perfect balance. In those 10 years, we never had a fight (we argue like any other couple ofcourse, but i don't think that that's the definition of fighting). I really love him with all my heart. He's my 'prize' from the lottery, my rock, my best friend and my soulmate. Can't imagine my life without him! Hope everyone will find their soulmate!

I spent 20 terrible years with an NT. Although now that we are separated and divorcing, I think maybe he isn't so much NT as sociopath. He was just really not a good person at all, but he was very charming and convincing. The worst part is that we have 4 children together and i am left alone to clean up the aftermath.

That said, I'm sure there are plenty of great NT/Aspergers relationships. I just didn't get so lucky. I think I will try my hand with a fellow aspie or other non NT next time around, it's too hard playing pretend (like I am a normal person)

Thanks Dutchy, I am glad you have found such a wonderful NT guy

you guys who are married to an nt person, must be very mild.
the autism people I know my whole life ( male and female) would never come close to
marry an nt person.

must be nice, being mild enough, that nt women don't see you as an eccentric ''special''
person, for you aspie guys who marry nt women. good luck to all of you.

Personal, i don't believe in 'mild' or 'not that mild' to be honest. Autism is autism, and everybody is different. The extent to which problems you have will depend on a lot of things. And another thing: in relationships you're not alone, so it also depends on the other half whether your relationship is successful or not. In fact: i really think it has not always to do with the autism if relationships work or fale. I think a lot has to have to do with the expectations people have on eachother, and how openminded people are. I don't think in 'degrees' of autism. I think in differences in people. And at that point, we are not that different from anybody else. What love and married becomes to, i believe in this quote:

"In love, you can only be disappointed in yourself. If you're disappointed in the other, then the love is already dead".

My 1st girlfriend was an NT but she has some OCD & sever dyslexia & ADHD so I could relate to that & we had some similar interests. We were friends a while on an online forum. I didn't work out for lot of reasons but I don't think me being an Aspie was the specif cause; I got controlling due to anxiety issues because she was the 1st person I related to & our breakup caused me to have a mental breakdown & spend the next 5 years on psych meds.

You see, that's not quite the attitude women fall for

@ Billiscool: Well than, youngman. You can't change your autism maybe, but you can change your attitude Treat others the way you like to be treated yourself, is what i learned. It's about kindness and friendliness. Autism is not an excuse to treat others (or yourself) bad. You know what i think? (and i mean this in a good way!) Maybe, if you liked yourself and your life more, then others got the change to see something in you. Don't hate yourself for who you are. And don't hate the people that have something you want. I believe we are not bad people. You are not a bad person. If you think you're f*cked up, then why don't you do something about that? You know, there are possibilities. Of course, i have to admit, sometimes you need a little bit of luck. I get that. And you know, I don't know you at all of course, (so forgive me and feel free to correct me if i'm wrong), but what i can see from out here is a young man who is not that happy. I read a little bit of jealousy and a little bit of anger in your lines, you know, just all negative. Just saying, a positive attitude about all this, is maybe a first step In my country we have a saying it's called: there's a fitting lid on each pot (don't know if i'm translating this fully correctly but) it means that there is always somebody for everybody, and i truly believe that. Hope you find your fitting lid someday. You know, it's not about marriage, it's about to be happy on your own, so you can have the possibility to share it with another. Happiness is contagious you know. Wish you all the best!

Haha, well, according to your profile you just turn 30 this year, so that's not that old (since i'm from 1983 too ) And with the eccentric thing going on, i think that doesn't have to be a problem in a relationship, as long as a women can totally accept you for who you truly are. You know, there are women out there who find this very attractive, because it makes you kind of 'mysterious' My father-in-law is the kind of person you describe yourself, and he is married for 40 years now (ow yes, omg he is só autistic and hard to live with sometimes, but he's really a good man, and we love him, despite he's a little bit different and eccentric and selfish in things sometimes. He can be a real 'Sheldon Cooper' sometimes! ). So there is still hope, don't give up on yourself! On the other hand, I have to admit, maybe it's very hard to do those first steps in 'datingland'. Maybe it's easier to be a women on this area, because i think for men it's maybe not always that easy to approach a women i guess. I think, when it comes to dating and stuff, women expect a lot from men. They often expect them to make the first moves and stuff (i know i do). I can imagine that can be very hard for some men out there. But that has nothing to do about you really. It's just, women are weird you know But i don't know, i like to say: just don't give up! There are A LOT of women on this planet, there's gotta be somebody out there for you, right?

If an aspie can wrangle someone into being a dating partner its most likely going to be an nt because NT's are more common . Aspies who date other aspies are the exception, and not the rule.