Dom/sub relationship and Aspergers

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I'm submissive with life in general but I can be more dominate sometimes. I was submissive in the beginning of my 1st relationship; she was the one who told me she liked me but after a bit I became the more dominate one. I was abit older than her & she had some issues I was trying to help with; it had some aspects of an older brother/little sister relationship & I think that worked in some ways because I'm very protective of my partner. My 2nd girlfriend was kind of independent & I'm dependent so I was the submissive one & it didn't work out. My current girlfriend(my 3rd & should be last) is pretty submissive in some ways; she has some emotional issues that I'm trying to help with but she has more independence skills than me so she's usually the one making the plans/schedules so I think we each balance the sub/dom out in a way that messes well together.

well, IRL I often defer by conscious effort. Then whenever I'm not paying attention, or it's important I can be quite assertive.
In private, I switch. Sometimes it depends on negotiation with the other person, and sometimes it just happens. Once had an scene topping someone, and later people didn't believe me who it was. They said, "S never subs to anyone!" whatevs. Maybe it was because it didn't matter to me so there is no role to have to fulfil. One ex, female, used to love to help me on with my coat, and relished being dom in public like ordering for me in the restaurant or walking holding her arm out for me to put my hand through, then was quite the opposite behind closed doors. I find I tend to get along better with people who don't get stuck in roles. ymmv.

Many submissive people do it to meet their own ends rather than to serve and many dominants do it to meet their own needs, this causes a breakdown in communication since both become focused on fulfilling their own selfish desires instead of aiming to ultimately serve each other.

In a way, a submissive has control over the dominant also because the submissive chooses his/her limitations in a relationship or bond of mutual respect. If you truly want to seek out this type of relationship, you would need to find someone with this type of understanding.

In other words, what I'm trying to say is that many people are more concerned about pleasing themselves over pleasing the other person. I think servitude is something both parties must do to an extent, both parties should contribute so in a way, it's a type of selfless servitude through love.

[quote="Kazuki"]Many submissive people do it to meet their own ends rather than to serve and many dominants do it to meet their own needs, this causes a breakdown in communication since both become focused on fulfilling their own selfish desires instead of aiming to ultimately serve each other.

In a way, a submissive has control over the dominant also because the submissive chooses his/her limitations in a relationship or bond of mutual respect. If you truly want to seek out this type of relationship, you would need to find someone with this type of understanding.

In other words, what I'm trying to say is that many people are more concerned about pleasing themselves over pleasing the other person. I think servitude is something both parties must do to an extent, both parties should contribute so in a way, it's a type of selfless servitude through love.[/quote
I agree.This type of relationships can be the best with the right person,but with the selfish person....can become abusive.]