How can you get a girlfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?

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kabouter
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05 Jun 2013, 5:38 pm

I have a partner(18 years), and have had a number of relationships in the past. It had nothing to do with fabulous looks or lots of money.I did spent quite a lot of time living in group houses, and concentrated on making friends rather than dating. The women were definitely not bottom of the barrel.

I think cakey is right in the following:

Quote:
Hi I think his "uniqueness" is very cute and cool since I know no one else who acts that way. I also find his honesty great and I don't have trouble with lies like I did with NT guys before him.


I was very accepting of the women and their children (if they had then), did not try to control them. Being an aspie has some desirable traits which women like, as well as the deficits.

I am not good in social situations, and this did cause some problems, but people got used to it. The other thing is that you have to be happy with yourself, if you don't like you, then why should anyone else.

Now that I know I am an aspie, it has made it easier in my current relationship, as we can now talk about my shortcommings. It really has made it much easier.


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velocirapture
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06 Jun 2013, 12:25 am

I recommend trying to meet somebody through mutual interest. Join a book club, look for outings through your park district or church, or otherwise place yourself in positions where you could start a conversation with somebody in an area where you feel comfortable. Starting conversations may be hard, and doing it well may be hard, but if you increase your odds of being in the same place as a person who shares your interests and wants to talk about them with you, you increase the odds of the conversation going well.



greengeek
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06 Jun 2013, 9:57 pm

My girlfriend fell in love with me the first time she saw me in a group for People with Disabilities at Onondaga Community College, but didn't tell me until we got to be alone and affectionate together. She has some sort of disability too.


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nebrets
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17 Jun 2013, 10:25 pm

Sheerboredom wrote:
It's really not that difficult:
1. Find a girl.
2. Introduce yourself
3. Be a cool cat.
4. (Optional) Find a common interest
5. Ask her out.
If you get rejected well repeat until you get a girlfriend. It is not an overnight process though.


Being a cool cat can be hard.


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alien91
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18 Jun 2013, 2:21 am

I hate to be cynical but most of us (aspie men) are going to have an extremely hard time finding girlfriends/wives . The only aspie men who have good luck with women are ones who are rich or have good looks.



Jono
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18 Jun 2013, 4:13 am

Sheerboredom wrote:
It's really not that difficult:
1. Find a girl.
2. Introduce yourself
3. Be a cool cat.
4. (Optional) Find a common interest
5. Ask her out.
If you get rejected well repeat until you get a girlfriend. It is not an overnight process though.


It's not as simple as you might think. I only started dating at age 32.



Heidi80
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18 Jun 2013, 7:46 am

Try finding a partner of the spectrum.



JanuaryMan
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18 Jun 2013, 10:44 am

I've had gf's before my diagnosis and have been on dates / in a non-serious relationship etc. after my diagnosis.
Aspergers can make things difficult in maintaining relationships but the person is ultimately drawn to you. I don't see it as a brick wall, only as a slippery path. Just pack your snowshoes, get a grip and keep marching on! :lol:



MacDragard
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18 Jun 2013, 11:44 am

The simple answer to your question: They just do it.

If you really want a girlfriend/wife, you would get one. Judging by your post however, I'm not convinced that you REALLY want one because you're convinced that you're not good enough or you don't deserve it, and you're using this aspergers thing as an excuse to not go for what you really want assuming that's what you really want. Otherwise, nothing would stop you.



MacDragard
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18 Jun 2013, 11:47 am

alien91 wrote:
I hate to be cynical but most of us (aspie men) are going to have an extremely hard time finding girlfriends/wives . The only aspie men who have good luck with women are ones who are rich or have good looks.


When you assume things and make excuses, then yeah...you're going to have an extremely hard time finding a girlfriend or wife. You are but a product of your thoughts.



Cafeaulait
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18 Jun 2013, 12:59 pm

How do you get a boyfriend if you have aspergers syndrome?



1000Knives
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18 Jun 2013, 1:04 pm

Become a model or get money like Bill Gates.



spongy
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19 Jun 2013, 3:31 pm

nebrets wrote:
Sheerboredom wrote:
It's really not that difficult:
1. Find a girl.
2. Introduce yourself
3. Be a cool cat.
4. (Optional) Find a common interest
5. Ask her out.
If you get rejected well repeat until you get a girlfriend. It is not an overnight process though.


Being a cool cat can be hard.

I hear you, tardar has set the standard way too high



rabidmonkey4262
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20 Jun 2013, 9:43 pm

Women are attracted to men with healthy self-esteem. Sadly, this automatically eliminates a lot of aspie males. If you truly are interested in attracting women, you have to show them that you respect yourself. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, but it helps to invest in your own well-being. It's simple things like going for a run, eating right, and practicing good hygiene. You want the female to think "hmmm, that man really has himself together." Of course it doesn't mean just putting on a show for the ladies. You're not a peacock. It has to be honest. You have to really believe that you're worth her time.


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alien91
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20 Jun 2013, 9:59 pm

rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Women are attracted to men with healthy self-esteem. Sadly, this automatically eliminates a lot of aspie males. If you truly are interested in attracting women, you have to show them that you respect yourself. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, but it helps to invest in your own well-being. It's simple things like going for a run, eating right, and practicing good hygiene. You want the female to think "hmmm, that man really has himself together." Of course it doesn't mean just putting on a show for the ladies. You're not a peacock. It has to be honest. You have to really believe that you're worth her time.

Facepalm



rabidmonkey4262
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20 Jun 2013, 10:19 pm

alien91 wrote:
rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Women are attracted to men with healthy self-esteem. Sadly, this automatically eliminates a lot of aspie males. If you truly are interested in attracting women, you have to show them that you respect yourself. You don't have to look like Brad Pitt, but it helps to invest in your own well-being. It's simple things like going for a run, eating right, and practicing good hygiene. You want the female to think "hmmm, that man really has himself together." Of course it doesn't mean just putting on a show for the ladies. You're not a peacock. It has to be honest. You have to really believe that you're worth her time.

Facepalm


Well with that cynical attitude you're never going to have any luck with women. I'm telling you what real women actually look for. I know this because I am one. No real, self-respecting women is going to be attracted to a guy who uses a label to victimize himself.


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