Hi tcorrielus
I'm an NT, my partner is Aspie, although we didn't know at the time we first met. I always understood he was a bit awkward and 'odd', but I've always loved individual people who walk to the beat of their own drum. I like eccentric, I like interesting and so I managed to look past those odd things and see the amazing person he was. When we started to live together the full understanding of how different he was became clear, and soon afterwards 2 people separately told me, then him that they thought he might be on the spectrum. With that has come a huge learning curve, for both of us, of how to understand and communicate with each other. Some of the things that he did made me feel that our relationship was in deep trouble, but understanding his sensory issues now lets me accept them without thought.
I do understand what you're asking, but people are different, even NT people, any concrete advice can only be of limited use. I can only suggest that you are honest about you, how Aspergers affects you, what you need to be settled and happy and how you communicate best and be patient. It's like learning a new language, you've learnt how to interact with us, because you've had to, any potential partner will probably be starting from scratch.
One thing I will say is that my partner acknowledged his differences but was convinced that if he kept trying that he would find a way forward. He and I were both on a dating site and he caught my eye, probably because of his differences, and I pursued him, even though I'm a lot older than him. I didn't have anything serious in mind and was just amusing myself, my last relationship was a train wreck and I was in no hurry to jump into another. Looking back I suspect that my greater age, and life experience, had a part to play in us getting closer, if I'm honest a younger more silly version of myself may not have stuck around long enough to find out who he truly was. It may also help that my son has crippling dyslexia, with attendant differences, and I just had to learn that his brain worked differently to most other peoples, perhaps it wasn't such a leap to be able to transfer that to another person. I hope that my ramblings might help, perhaps to identify the traits in people that might gel well with an Aspie partner. My Aspie is the most wonderful thing (after becoming a mother) that has ever happened to me, I hope you find someone who feels the same way about you.
19 Jun 2013, 1:20 pm
