NT gf wants to party, I don't

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Oh, I told her that it was not responsible parenting to have a child out that late. (Despite the fact he was sleeping on their couch.)
Problem was she was intoxicated and nothing I said meant anything to her at the time.

My son is 5. I would not leave him home alone to go down the street let alone half hour to where we were that night. I'd have to go get her the next morning or she'd have to catch a ride. The other thing that threw me off is that this wasn't a "party", we were only "stopping by". I really didn't want to be there any longer but I thought that maybe I was being too anal and therefore it was my issue. I mean a lot of people do go out and drink. I'm probably in the minority to think it's not all that much fun. I'm trying to be somewhat flexible to NTs, after all there's more of them than us out there.

There's no point trying to fix anything when one or both of you are in an altered state.

Iven if it was just stopping by for a cup of coffee and a a cookie, you are the responsible (as in the responsibility is on your shoulders) parent and when you think your child has had enough, and most definately when you have had enough, you can and should leave. Your job is to be a parent first of all, and a partner second. Like I suggested before, talk to your gf when this latest incident has died down, when you are both sober and not arguing about other stuff. Have an adult conversation.

I believe you were being too flexible on this occasion and it was due in part that you didn't take the necessary stand against your gf's friend when it came to your kid. The dogs are secondary in this scenario. Maybe the gf can drink, but you take the kid home. It's your choice after all, but stuck in that scenario I believe I would have taken my kid home.

As for the drinking, you will have to find a way to communicate how her attitude when drinking has made you feel and the way she acts the next day and how it makes you feel if you haven't already.

It's possible the cousin's intent was to lighten your obviously annoyed mood, but whether it was that or she was serious, she was being inconsiderate. A decent person would have shown some concern for the dogs that depend on you.



Your son is your get out of jail free card. When it's his bedtime, you go, no questions. Anyone who objects is a selfish, irresponsible jerk.



She's in a relationship with a parent. It sounds like she's not ready for the limits and responsibilities that entails.



She's wrong, you're right, by any standard.



That's not an NT thing, that's irresponsible and immature.



Talk to her about the ground rules now. Who's coming, for how long, what to do with anyone who has too much to drink - call them a cab, let them sleep on the sofa (ideally no one would put their host in this position) - and anything else you think is important. Your need for an orderly life is just as important as her desire to have fun. More important, actually, because you have others depending on you.

Sorry thats what it seems to me when it comes to NTs 9 out 10 of NTs I have hung out seem to be like that!

That's interesting I used to do just that and I am an "aspie" not an NT. Between the ages of 17 and 21 all I wanted to do was party and I did not care about anything, myself or anyone else. I was a nihilist and still am kind of. Although drinking was the only time I had serious run ins with the police and a DUI accident where I could of died. Got sober when I was 22 and now am 33 and no alcohol or drugs has passed my lips.

While I agree with most of the advice on here, I feel like you need to be willing to compromise on w few things if you both want to be happy. How often does your partner go out? Is there a reason she can't go out on her own occasionally?

Her group of friends she used to hang with before we got together have parties at least monthly it sounds. I've told her she's welcome to go. I've gone to two parties with her and left early from one. She went to one by herself but returned early saying she wasn't really having fun without me. I think I'd be more willing to suck it up and go with her to these parties if she didn't insist on taking my son. Other families take their kids too but they're older so he really doesn't have anyone to play with. I just don't like my son being in an adult party atmosphere to begin with. Sure it starts off like a BBQ but then it starts getting late and people are clearly intoxicated.

I think another aspect of this beyond Aspie/NT is that I'm originally a yankee and she's a southerner. I'm used to a more formal, calm atmosphere and she doesn't think people drinking and brawling on the lawn is unusual or necessarily a bad thing. Almost everyone I've met since I've moved to the south has been arrested at some point for a DUI or an assault or something. The most trouble I've ever gotten into was a couple parking tickets, and one was because I was lost and couldn't find my way back to my car.