Totally not getting obsession with "relationships"

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hale_bopp conquers the hearts of men

I just meant my attention span is so bad that I agree with him.

I think she meant "concur".

They did that conquer vs. concur thing on the Simpsons one time. I don't remember the episode.

Tim

In my mind's eye I saw an image of hale_bopp towering 50ft in the air, leaving a path of destruction in her wake.
Like a powerful goddess, or... Mothra!

Yes, that's a funny image.

Thank you, though, to the people who have taken the time to read my coments and respond to them. It's much easier to discuss something complex like this in person, as you can explain things gradually and check for the other person's understanding, but on a forum like this you have to be really long-winded if you want people to be able to understand.

I must confess my initial reaction to biostructure was quite hostile, despite sharing a state of virginity and bachelorhood with him. It appeared to me that he resembled those whom I have most frequently been tempted to be judgemental about. My sympathies were more with Tanz and PhantomN (whom I found very helpful in another thread by the way). Careful reading as advised has led me to partially revise this opinion.

Speaking for myself, I share Tanz's desire for a long term romantic relationship with a strong friendship component with an intellectual equal or superior with some common interests. That said, while I have never been in a requited romantic relationship, if I am honest I have been both fickle in terms of the objects of my affection, and also not particularly pure in some of my emotions.

My current plan is that I should get to know someone very well as a friend, then if I am certain that I love her (unclear how to be certain about this) asking them out if I am also in paid enployment and earning enough, and after a long time if I am still certain, proposing to her, having a long engagement (if she said yes at the previous two stages of course) until we are both earning enough to support a family, marrying, (if still certain) only then moving beyond kissing and embracing, hopefully having children when/if she is ready, raising them, and growing old together. Sofar however I, despite the majority of my friends being female, have gone no further than the "unrequited love"/infatuation/obsession (depending upon your point of view) and at times when I am alone at night it really is just unadulterated lust that I feel guilty about, poarticularly as some of my thoughts at such times are abominable to the point of being frightening

Why do you feel hostile towards people who want short-term flings and/or partners who are very different? Do you feel that they are "taking" the women away from men who want something longer? I'm just curious, because I don't get the point of being judgmental toward someone else's dating preferences (whether they are typical or atypical, showing racial/ethnic bias or race-neutral, gay or straight, etc.).

I said tempted towards judgementalism and that my INITIAL reaction was hostile.

And if there is nothing wrong with infidelity, or in one of the other examples you included, bias on the basis of race, why is judgementalism the only thing to be judged to be wrong? We all have moralities - even if the only boundaries are, to take an extreme case "Do not be judgemental, do not murder," and a few other restrictions.

Also, I acknowledged some of my faults - including both my judgementalism, which I would acknowledge can be a highly undesirable attribute at times, and my own fickleness (albeit inward - I have never been in a reciprocated romantic relationship with anyone to be able to betray them) and what I would classify as at times excessive lust, though you are free to disagree.

Also, I said that on reflection I had revised my opinion of biostructure.

Sorry if this came across as a trifle angry, but it seems harsh that an open acknowledgement of some of my faults including judgementalism is slapped down, while other comments at least equally extreme are treated more courteously.

Also my reasons were not that I thought women were being "taken" from men like me. I clearly am not entitled to some sort of mystical "claim" on anyone - it is a matter of the mutual choices of the men and women concerned. I just felt that for either men or women to use one another was cruel. You are welcome to judge this view as incorrect if you wish, though presumably it would be a violation of your anti-judgement views (joke here) to do so.

Actually it was less biostructure than some of the other posters I was worried about. However I will try to be less judgemental - indeed I have already been doing so for much of my life.

No hard feelings I hope.

AlexanderTheSolitary: Reading your comments and seeing that "history" is listed under your interests strongly reminds me of this guy who goes to my university (of course he isn't you, but not having seen you, an image of him comes to mind).

He's a history major (not on the autism spectrum, but he has ADHD) and lived next door to me and 2 roommates my junior year of college. He has ridiculously strong hands and had a hard time keeping them to himself--whenever something was said that offended him (which was a LOT--anything from good-natured joking about his religion to even mild sexism to advocating supposedly "immoral" acts) he felt compelled to grab the person. He used to eat dinner with me and my friends, and with all of us together he managed to learn some self-control, but he still had this hostile, belligerent "aura" about him sometimes.

Sorry I came across that way - though I do seem to share a number of features in common with your acquaintance from university, from an ardent interest in history, to the religion, the objection to even mildly sexist remarks let alone the advocacy of immoral acts, (Hey, what's with the "supposedly" and the quotation marks around "immoral" - hint: not really angry at this point) at times the touchiness (though I haven't really ever grabbed someone, which is as well, as my hands really are not as strong as your friend and I could be easily defeated). Also, I don't really have this negative, agressive aura around me all the time - you just had me on a bad day - twice. Honestly I am fairly peaceful most of the time. Also like the majority of Wrong Planet I am on the autism spectrum (specifically Asperger's) rather than Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Dissorder) plus probably there are a whole host of differences - at least I hope so, I am starting to fear that he may be my double.

I did try to qualify my remarks, and acknowledge some of my own faults, but particularly in my second post in this thread it just came across as angrier and angrier, albeit interspersed with apologies. I think I was just a little hurt at a perceived dismissal of what I thought was the expression of a legitimate opinion. I appear to be on a more even keel now. Thank you for your response.

I mean things I wouldn't personally consider immoral (such as sex before marriage and drug use) but he thought were, as opposed to things like stealing that almost everyone considers wrong.



He also wasn't hostile all the time. As I say, though, it was easy to offend him, and he would respond by threatening to grab people. While sometimes this was joking, it was hard to tell, and due to his strength and the fact that he DID occasionally grab people--even when we hadn't meant to bother him--made it awkward. Even shaking hands with him would sometimes hurt, though he was trying not to squeeze very hard.