Inconsiderate a-hole or Asperger's?Help me figure it out pls

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IlovemyAspie
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07 Jul 2013, 10:55 pm

auntblabby wrote:
life is too short for the OP to put up with this guy. there are other men who would treat her far better.


This is true....but I think that thinking this behavior is somehow an AS issue is off putting.


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aspiemike
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07 Jul 2013, 11:01 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
life is too short for the OP to put up with this guy. there are other men who would treat her far better.


This is true....but I think that thinking this behavior is somehow an AS issue is off putting.


The behaviour as described isn't even close to AS as far as I am concerned. A total lack of responsibility for one's actions relates much more closely to a Narcissist then anything else. Especially the refusing to take responsibility for reading the plane ticket the wrong way.



Aspie1
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07 Jul 2013, 11:12 pm

Willard wrote:
Could be both, but a lot of the behaviors you describe are not consistent with and/or go way beyond AS.

You might consider that its rather rude and inconsiderate to come into an Autism support site and ask "Is this guy such a jerk because he's one of you?"

Could be you deserve each other.

Touché!



Notsoblue
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13 Jul 2013, 1:27 pm

Again, I apologize if I offended anyone. That wasn't my intention. At all.

I broke up with him the day I posted that, thanks in part to the clarification I got here. The more I read about AS, the more I don't think he has it. I don't think people with AS are as*holes, at all.
I do think this guy is basically an immature, self absorbed, irresponsible (I could go on) as*hole. As someone said a few posts back - he can be caring as long as it doesn't inconvenience him -- exactly.

I'm sure he's got some major issues though - his best friend was shot and killed right next to him after the gun was put in his face, when he was 13. Never had any kind of counseling or therapy for that, even after having to be a witness in court and deal with it for years. That was over 30 years ago but I'm sure a trauma like that can result in some major issues. I don't know anything about PTSD but maybe left untreated it can result in this kinda behavior. Who knows.

All I know is I've had enough and I'm outta there. Thanks for your input everyone, and again I'm very sorry for offending anyone. I should have chosen my words better.



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13 Jul 2013, 1:42 pm

I'm not easily offended, so I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist over it.

But I think thread like this are rather pointless because naturally, people are going to defend their 'kind'. On the other hand you might get people who endorse being a***holes.

As I don't really think in terms of labels, despite being labeled I don't really have a 'kind'. I think it is bad if a group (whether the self-identify or not), gets a negative perception undeservedly. However I think people are far too polarized and sensitive about these thing, especially when it is a choice between 'do no evil' and the 'devil incarnate'.

I would say whether he is or is is rather irrelevant, if you can't tolerate his company. Say for example he is, would you go after your way to fix the relationship? Personally I'm against leaning on DX as a universal get out gaol card.

Even people on the spectrum should do some work if they wish to be in a relationship.

btw, I didn't read everything so forgive of I missed some key point.



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13 Jul 2013, 10:19 pm

I'm really not offended since the OP clearly didn't understand Asperger's and saw that a minority of why her boyfriend is a jerk (like his food eccentricities) could be AS traits. In this case, I think they're just an extention of his selfish, inconsiderate crybaby attitude. Break up with him and get a real man.


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