At what point do people give up on dating?

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When you realise that once a man gets to know you, they don't like you.

*Plays violin*

When I fully realized the snotty, entitled attitude of most women on dating sites and the ridiculous standards you were expected to meet I decided to throw in the towel. It's almost like I was expected to grovel like a dog to be allowed the opportunity to pay for a night out that I most likely wouldn't enjoy anyway and most women had an surreal arrogance even when they literally had nothing to offer.

Go figure that I found a Girlfriend two weeks after that decision.

It's not fair to call people "extremely judgmental" because they aren't attracted to you. I think most people wouldn't date someone they weren't physically attracted to. Just how human nature works.

Furthermore, I think you look pretty good in your picture. If you put some more effort into learning about fashion (is that a Marvel t-shirt you're wearing?), I bet a lot of girls would consider you handsome.

I understand the desire to find someone who will be compatible with you, and dressing up and pretending to be someone else for the sake of a date doesn't make sense. I never used to dress up for anything because "that's not who I am." ... But just do it. Kind of like how it doesn't make sense to wear a suit to a job interview at McDonalds, but doing so will help you make a better impression and help you get the job. NT's care about these things, and if we want to fit into their world we should observe their customs to some extent.





Are you telling people this before you even meet them? It kind of sounds that way.

It seems like a bad idea to tell someone before you've known them for a while. They'll likely notice your quirks and oddities and decide for themselves if they can handle them. Maybe once things start getting serious I could see sitting down and having a talk, "In case you haven't yet figured it out, here's my deal, here's how I am different from other people, etc," but blurting it out in a text message to somebody you maybe haven't even met yet doesn't seem wise.

If you just come out and say "there's something wrong with me," I bet a lot of girls will run even if you being autistic wouldn't have been a deal breaker to them.

Yeah OP, I think telling them right off the bat that you're autistic gives off an impression that you are incredibly needy and/or have some real boundary issues. Nothing repels a woman quite as effectively as a needy man she does not know.

This is probably my insecurity talking but I'm always baffled when I read how people on here openly share the fact that they're autistic/have AS in their daily lives like it's nothing. I mean I can count on both hands the amount of people that know it about me, and I still think it's way too many, and they're all family members. If the fact that I had AS got out on a wider scale I honestly think I would shoot myself.

The things is I've done it both ways. Waited till later to tell or right off the bat. I could meet someone on a dating site, have a perfectly normal clean convo for an hour, bring up that I'm autistic and the messages stop. If there someone thats not gonna bother with me because I'm different then I'd rather weed them out in the beginning then waste my time and get attached to someone and have it end that way.

3. They're getting too old to have much of a chance anymore.

I think a lot of good looking women on dating sites are single for this very reason.




You got lucky or you did some fundamental change in lifestyle (but I doubt you could in two weeks), may I ask how you met her?

I gave up, when I faced that being an relationship always made me feel more bad, then before. First you had tons of struggle to even get into an relationships, while all your friends do it so easily, and when you are in you simply feel sh***y all the time because of disappointing your partner always, the way you are. Not feeling as you should according to others expectations, getting blamed for your weird behaviour, when you meet your partners friends and family, realizing that they are so ashamed of you, that they try to have contact with others while you are with them, or are completly trying to hide the relationship before others... Dont know, simply gave you a complete sh***y feeling. An relationship should make you feel more happy than normal, not giving you the feeling to be crap.

Best choice ever, after giving up I simply concentrated on my interests and hobbies, had a lot of fun, and years after without purpose I even found a wonderful partner, at one of my hobby groups.

That sounds horrible. One would of hoped that your partner would of been more understanding. Unfortunately, they can't control their friends and family though.

I don't think it's the best advice to tell people that they will find a good partner if they stop looking though, even if it worked for you. It's generally unrealistic to say that you will find one if you're not looking for one, especially if you don't socialise that often.

Its not just giving up on dating, its giving up on even wanting a date that will free you to enjoy the life you do have, rather then the fantasy you dont.

Do be aware though that when you get to 54 and realise how utterly and painfully miserable life alone is, and with no chance of then getting back into dating because you are noe far too old, you might then look back with regret on your current decision as a 24 year old and think, "what on earth did I give up on dating for when I was still young, I would have been happily married with loving kids If I didnt make that stupid decision".

You need to know that its out of your hands which involves trying to date now and then, just so that when you are old you will not blame yourself and realise it was never going to happen anyway.

Also, if it does happen to come along, like maybe Sandra Bullock bumps into you walking down the street and falls instantly in LOve with you and asks for a date, then dont say, "I gave up on dating", no, still be open if the right one does come along.

I was closing my OK cupid account and saw a message from a girl with an atrocious profile. I casually said she could come with me to a hockey game back in september. I had nothing to lose and didn't give a f*** anymore i just wanted to meet anyone who wanted to hang around me for a night.

It doesnt look like we are going to last but i survived a good part of a year in a relationship. Needless to say I am not looking into online dating ever again should this relationship fail.

I've made a kind of oath, If things don't work out with the last woman I met http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt234159.html (out of okc), then I am gonna disactivate my okc and do some serious self-assessment about the whole past year and act accordingly, in fact I was about to close it but it's that woman's exchange kept me hanged for a while, so it's the last okc shot for me.

I'm kind of working on the assumption I won't be living that long.

Especially if you're of the male gender.

Thank you for sharing this experience. I think that even if I did extremely well and managed to get into a relationship, I'd disappoint her very soon; I just can't "compete" with an average guy. So it doesn't make sense to try to date someone without having a clue that she already likes me.


I don't know much about dating, but this is something that I can confirm.

Excellent advice. I'd be interested to know how the OP goes about telling someone this. When talking for the first time you need the conversation to mutually flow, as difficult as that is for the autistic. It should take a natural course, two people mutually exploring one another. So I'm unsure how you would tell someone you are autistic unless a very specific question was asked. I mean, imagine, say, one of your family members was dying of cancer, or that you were abused as a child, or some really undesirable thing like that. You'd want to tell your new girlfriend this, have someone to talk to about it, but there is no way you could realistically work it into the first hour of meeting someone except through pure luck. I'd wait until you meet her face to face, ideally on say the third meeting minimum, i.e. just before things have potential of moving on, before saying you are autistic. If she's got that far with you then there is a good chance it is not an issue.